Vanished
by 7kstar
Summary: Pre-Series - What if you can only be rescued by a loved one...Does John or Sam care enough to answer the call even if they are in the dark that Dean's missing? - Let the Ritual begin.
1. Alone

**Vanished**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own them but they do stir my imagination. I'm only borrowing them, so I can keep them…can't I? _***Pouts* **_No…darn.

I enjoy both brothers but for some reason I really love a _**hurt**_ Dean. I hope you will join me in this little saga.

**Summary:** Pre-Series - What if only a loved one can rescue you...Does John or Sam care enough to answer the call even if they are clueless that Dean's missing?

Thanks Kaz for betaing but any mistakes, well unfortunately they are all mine but I did try to limit them. Does that count? On with the story. :)

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Chap. 1: Word - Alarm

_(DEAN)_

Funny, tonight as I gazed at the stars, a dark thought crept over my heart; would anyone even notice if I died tonight? Did I even matter and why do I try so hard to please them?

My brother doesn't return my calls. My dad ditched me with some lame excuse that it was for my own good. So who even cared if I lived, breathed or walked among the living?

Comfort, none of the answers gave me any comfort and only my dark raw emotions kept me company tonight.

One last dark thought drifted through my brain before I faded into oblivion, why do strangers care more than my family? Did I do something wrong? I heard an alarm in the background, but I couldn't focus enough to figure it out. Maybe tomorrow would be a better day. If I survived through the night, I had no one to call to ask for help…you got yourself in a pickle this time, didn't you?

"Sir, can you hear me? Sir…he's not responsive, thready pulse, God, what animal got hold of him? Lock and load, let's get moving now."

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_**A/N: **_I enjoy both brothers but for some reason I really love a _**hurt**_ Dean. Began as an **E/O Drabble Challenge, **I started out short to help me post faster but the story spun out of control increasing the size of the chapters.

Hope you will join me in this little saga. I don't mind constructive criticism as long as you give examples but please don't flame me.

_Thanks for dropping in. Do you like? Would love to hear from you, hit that review button…please…_


	2. Captured

Word – Keep

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"He doesn't have any insurance so he can't stay here; you know the rules, Ms. Wallace."

"So you're sending him to county? When?" A predatory smile as she tried but failed to keep her emotions concealed.

"Within the next few hours, poor thing, he deserves better care, but I can't stall any longer." She cringed as she thought about the terrible treatment he would receive at the overbooked and overworked hospital. "If I could keep him here, I would, he's cute, even unconscious and all torn up."

"Ashley, don't worry about it, I'll take care of it for you. I know how busy you are…just leave the paperwork with me."

"I don't know, the last one you took care of disappeared, ouch!" She instinctively withdrew.

"Ashley, you had something to give me?" Her hand stretched out.

"Here's his paperwork, I can't remember…there was something important…do you remember?" She took a step backwards as an overwhelming desire to escape and all rational thoughts fled from existence.

"You needed to check on Mrs. Rodriguez in room 400, stat." She gazed into the young girl's eyes.

Her spine tingled with fear and she just couldn't stand being in the room anymore. Her head hurt and she had a vague memory about the old man, but decided he would be fine in Ms. Wallace's care. She was an excellent doctor and her headache kept increasing. It wasn't her job anymore and without a glance she fled.

"Well, now…that wasn't so hard was it?" She laughed as she ran her hand along his chin. "A firstborn, I can smell it. She licked her lips. "And such a pretty one. That stupid girl will never remember you. I made sure of that, for some reason she thinks you're old." She smiled, satisfied that she would have plenty of time with her new play toy. "Don't worry baby, I'll help you get better. Count yourself lucky that the rules forbid me from keeping you for too long, but let's enjoy our time together shall we, well, when you're awake, that is."

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_**A/N:** Do you like? Reviews make my day! Thanks for reading.  
_


	3. Drift

_(Dean)_

**Word** = Drift (does past tense count?)

* * *

Noises floated and drifted around me, as my first awareness of consciousness was a persistent dull ache and a throbbing headache. I felt as if I was swimming upstream and I blinked several times before I finally was able to register my surroundings. _Hospital, great how did I wake up here?_ Then upon further inspection, I realized that the place didn't have the usual smells and sounds.

"Hey, I see you finally decided to join me."

An eerie chuckle sounded behind me. I tried to speak but my thoughts were too jumbled to form a coherent sentence and I almost choked as she shoved a few ice chips into my mouth.

"You're a cutie…a keeper. I bet you'd break a million girls' hearts."

For some reason her hand on my cheek gave me the heebie jeebies. I tried to shift away from her, but I couldn't focus enough to command my body to obey any signals I sent. I cringed as her finger brushed my lips. Finally, I managed to croak out a very poor joke, far from my normal standard, "There seems to be a draft, I need…I need my jeans."

"Shhh, you just need to relax. That black dog did a number on your body. It will take some time for it to heal, and in the meantime, let's explore the opportunity to get better acquainted." She pulled a strand of her long back hair back behind her ear.

"How did you?" I stopped in mid-sentence as fatigue overwhelmed me and I began to hum 'Dust in the Wind' and I couldn't even figure out why I was focusing on that particular song.

"Shhh…take a nice deep breath. That's it, just rest…I'll take care of everything."

"I need…don't," I hated how weak I felt, how unimportant, but I couldn't disobey her and my mind once again floated towards oblivion. There was one last thought as I realized that I wasn't wearing anything but my birthday suit. I felt I should be more upset, as her hand seemed to caress my chest.

Valiantly, I tried one last time to speak my mind, "How did, black dog…"

"Shhh, just sleep and get your strength back."

I wanted to kick her away, especially as I felt her body rubbing up closer and invading my space. I tried to move, to react but only fear greeted me as I shivered in her arms. I couldn't focus as I knew any moment I could be sliced open with no one even willing to come to my aid.

"Shhh, relax it will be easier this way, what a yummy dinner, such a nice boy covered in such deep complex emotions, you'll feed me for some time, pet. Just relax; it will go easier on you if you do."

Her laughter mixed with my scream as I lost my battle with consciousness.

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**_A/N:_ **_Who is that creepy woman and what does she want with Dean? Will reveal more soon. Let me know what you think…Reviews really make my day._


	4. Poor Thing

_Such a cute little Pet._

She watched him sleeping, not a deep peaceful sleep but a restless one full of nightmares, as he dreamt of being chewed up by the black dog. The injuries worked to her advantage, so she only invested enough energy to keep him alive. His left leg had required a boost of healing or he would have died. Once again, he cried out for someone named Sammy, begging him to come help him. But as far as she could tell no one had even inquired about a missing young male. Of course, if someone found the paper trail, the search would only show a John Doe who had died from terrible injuries and from the looks of things, it just might be better for him if they never materialized.

_Poor thing, he doesn't have a clue but if no one really loves him, well, that changes everything. First, a few tests, don't get too excited, he might be the one or another dead-end._

Something about this man tugged at her, she couldn't put her finger on it, but he felt vastly different from the others. She placed her palm on his forehead and began the spell that would allow her to know if he was worthy or not. "Your past will tell me whether you're a play toy or something more permanent…oh the anticipation is killing me!"

* * *

___"Where's your mommy, Dean?" a_ little boy abruptly sat up in bed as fear clutched his heart.  


_Turning his head he scanned his room however a blinding white light caused him to throw his hand over his eyes. Only for a moment and then he ran out the room because the urge to find his mommy grew too strong to resist. "Mommy" he yelled wanting her to hold him but instead he saw his Dad standing in the doorway to his brother's nursery. As he got closer he saw flames on the ceiling and a doll, but then something was thrust into his hands. He looked down and his Dad's voice ordered him,_

_"Take your brother outside as fast as you can! Don't look back! Now Dean! Go!"**  
**_

_Without hesitation he obeyed and managed to get the heavy door open and stopped just outside of the house. "It's okay, Sammy." He bravely whispered and glanced up to see shooting flames flickering out from the upstairs window. _

_"I gotcha," his daddy told him as he scooped up his children, just before the window exploded. Together, they watched the house burn and Dean wondered, "Where is Mommy?"_

* * *

"So now I know your name is Dean. Rest, we will explore some more later, rest," as she wiped a tear away from his right eye.

"God, no one knows…I saw Mom; it took me years to figure that one out…what kind of monster are you? Let me go, bitch…" _Dammit, I won't cry, I won't._

"Don't worry, pet, you can't hide your feelings from me." She turned his head so her lips could reach his mouth and began to feed.

**Tbc**

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**A/N:** _I always thought something woke up little Dean, so that's my story and I'm sticking to it. She is evil, isn't she…do you like? Hit that review button, you know you want to..._


	5. Rats, how I hate Rats!

_**(Dean)**_

* * *

_**Rats, how he hated the rats.** If he could wiggle out of the ropes, he could figure out a way to get home. By now Sammy would be whiny and Dad didn't do well with shrill complaints. His hands and feet hurt from tugging against the tight ropes. If he could just squirm his way free, he could be home in time for supper._

_A wet nose nibbled on his hands and then he bit back a scream as something took a deeper bite. "**No, don't let it eat me…God, somebody help me get free,"** he mumbled into the gag, as a shiver ran up and down his spine._

_New-found freedom as a hand untied the gag, and he slowly drifted back into awareness. "Hey, kiddo, you with me? Come on; open your eyes, that's it. Dean, look at me; take a nice deep breath. That's it, good, you're calming down." Without thought, he flung the huge rat into the wall far away from his seven-year-old son. He hated the fear that greeted him, "Son, it's okay…you're safe…"_

_For a moment, Dean relished the comfort of having his dad almost pulling him into a hug. Dad had found him, and he could get out of this hellhole. But the Winchesters' luck had other plans for him._

"_No, leave my dad alone, bitch." His eyes flashed as she dragged his father back before allowing his body to crash into some crates._

"_Now, young pup, where are your manners, surely your father taught you better than that." She cackled and her long fingernails raked his cheek. "I'm afraid I'll have to teach your daddy a lesson, boy. Too bad you won't live to tell the tale." She forced open his mouth and poured a vial down his throat. "If the rats don't kill you, no air surely will. John Winchester will rue the day that he_ _decided to take me on. He should never have messed with me, not with two young pups to train." _

"_You touch my brother and you're dead…" he mumbled as darkness claimed him._

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**_(John)_**

_Drip, drip._

_How the sound irritated him. John finally opened one eye as he regained consciousness. Out of the frying pan into the fire. Damn. He observed his surroundings. He had gotten sloppy and now Dean would pay for it. Where was his son?_

"_Wakey, Wakey. It's about time you joined the land of the living." The witch patted down the dirt. "You know your boy is pretty brave, he only whimpered when the rats covered his face. Too bad the only kisses he will ever experience are rats feeding on his flesh and blood. By now his feeble attempts to escape will have wasted all of his precious air. Too bad you're such a poor father figure." _

_She screamed as the knife pierced her heart. "Bitch, next time you better check my boot a bit more carefully." He didn't wait for her final death rattle; he kept digging and screaming his son's name. "Dean, hang on, I'm almost there…just hang on just a bit longer."_

_His bloodied hands shook, but finally he reached pay dirt when he hit the coffin. He fumbled for a moment when he lifted the lid and saw several dead rats covering his small boy's body. "No, God, no…Dean, please, please, Dean, you've got to hear me." He cradled his limp son in his arms and laid him down so he could begin CPR. Dean's gasp for air filled him with joy that he couldn't begin to describe. He laughed when his son whispered his first coherent sound._

"_**What…took…you…so...long?"  
**_

_John almost smothered his son when he pulled him close. "You're not going hunting again, until you're 80, you hear me…you're grounded. _

"_Fine, as long as you promise I don't have to deal with any rats…I'll be grounded. I hate witches." His voice hitched as sobs released on their own accord. He tried to squelch the tears and his voice but he had to admit he relished being held in his father's arms._

_Without a backwards glance John scooped his son in his arms. He hadn't felt any remorse when he torched the place. Later, when both of his boys were safely sleeping in the back seat, he called in an anonymous tip of a possible fire blazing out of control. And if he babied his oldest for just a few days, no one was around to question his authority._

* * *

**(Present)**

Dean cringed as the jumbled memories flooded his mind. The phantom pain of the rats nibbling on his flesh and blood, still remained a current nightmare, even though he never talked about it with anyone. He had loved and hated that he had required his father's constant care for far too long after being kidnapped by that witch. Although neither had spoken about the incident afterwards, he knew it had started his hatred towards witches. A touch on his cheek caused him to shiver as his eyes met his latest kidnapper.

"Well, pet, just a few more samples and you'll be done with preliminary trials. Don't worry; I'll protect you from those big bad old rats, or maybe, I'll just let them have a little nibble." She giggled and smiled as he tried to suppress his reaction to her statement. She grabbed his chin and forced him to look her in the eye. In some ways he knew his fear wasn't rational but somehow being manipulated by her spells.

"None of that, you can't hide your true feelings from me, might as well rest for a few moments. Soon you'll be wishing you could sleep through the night." She rubbed his right cheek allowing the callused hand to disturb any thoughts of peaceful slumber. Although he never planned on following her suggestion, he found his eyes closing as she told him, "I know you're tired, just relax."

"Damn, my stomach feels like it is on fire." His mind couldn't really comprehend that she had once again slipped next to him and maneuvered his body so she could embrace him while he slept. Fear became his devoted companion as he dreamt of rats nibbling on his face, hands and neck, and couldn't escape the clutches of the hands that held him down throughout the night. Nor could he figure out why his throat felt so raw and sore when he finally woke in the morning. He could barely croak out a sound when he realized there was a rat sleeping on his shoulder.

"Shh, pet, go back to sleep, the nasty rat won't harm you, yet."

TBC.

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**A/N:** _She is one nasty piece of work. Poor Dean forced to remember some pretty bad stuff. Can you guess the creature? Do you like? _

_Feedback helps me grow as a writer. I couldn't figure out how to keep it all Dean's POV and still allow you to see a softer side of John. I guess I could break it into three separate chapters, but really wanted to keep this as one chapter. _

_I'm really interested in your point of view as long as it's delivered nicely. Hope you're enjoying the ride! _


	6. John Winchester Rides Again

**Chap. 6: John Winchester Rides again**

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"Dammit Dean, answer your phone," he growled into the air as once again he got his son's voice-mail. Racing down the dark road in his truck his hand hit the steering wheel as he blew off some steam. Although some would accuse him of neglecting his sons, protecting his sons, at all cost, really influenced many of his choices. Right now, his gut burned and he knew one of his own was in trouble; he never ignored his instinct - it had never failed him before. With his hunt wrapped up, he quickly packed up his belongings and once again called his oldest boy, only to confirm his suspicion that something was definitely wrong when he only received the stupid message, "Leave your number and I'll get back to you."

Swallowing his pride, he called Bobby. "Hey, look, don't hang up, I'm calling about Dean. Have you talked with him?"

Those five magic words stopped Bobby's first reaction. He didn't give a fig about John Winchester, but Dean was an entirely different story. "No, he hasn't been all that chatty lately, and I thought he was with you," he growled. The accusation wasn't subtle, nor did he even attempt to hide his feelings of disgust for John Winchester, the man who won the prize for being the most stubborn ass he had ever met.

"Look, I sent Dean off on his own for one hunt. I tried to break him out of his funk, but…every time I allowed him some rope he put his life in jeopardy. I just thought a simple hunt, a black dog, might be the ticket to getting his act back together. He could have done the job in his sleep, but he's not answering his phone."

"You idjit, you're just itching to get him killed, aren't you."

"Dammit, he's my boy. I'm not gonna argue with you about whether or not it was a mistake, I just need to find him… something's wrong… I feel it in my gut, are you helping or not?"

A gruff voice asked, "Where did you send him?"

"Luck, Wisconsin."

"You're kidding right? Why didn't you just shoot him and get it over with…you idjit. With the Winchester's luck, it's the perfect setup for everything to go wrong. Considering his state of mind, you'd dare send him out on his own which most likely put him over the edge. Of all the hunts you had to pick Luck Wisconsin, which obviously would be the worst possible place to send Dean."

"Look, we can argue all you want once we find him." John could barely contain his rage, but he needed help on this one; the alarms wouldn't stop ringing loud and clear.

"I need to check something out, I'll call you back."

John cursed as Bobby hung up on him. "Hang on, Dean, I'm coming." Relief was short-lived when the phone rang and his heart sank when he realized it was just Bobby.

"Did you even research the hunt in the first place? Of course not."

"Look, are you helping or not? I don't have time for this. Dean's in trouble, what's so hard to understand?" He could barely keep his voice even as the desire to bellow became overwhelming.

Clenching his teeth and keeping his voice as even as possible Bobby replied, "I just found something that changes everything. I need to investigate a bit more, but I think I hit the jackpot on why Dean is missing."

"Well, don't keep me in suspense, spill it."

"Because in the last ten years, boys matching Dean's description keep disappearing. So you sent him into the frying pan…So far, not one them has been found alive. So I'm gonna do a thorough search, and I'll get back with you as soon as I've got something. In the meantime, you haul your ass to Luck, Wisconsin, and see if you can find a clue. We'll find him, because losing him isn't an option."

"I researched it, Bobby, and I never…"

"Look, now's not the time to hash out who did what…we'll find him. Looks like you're not the only hunter to miss this little tidbit, it should have raised a red flag, so haul your ass and get there already. I'll do some more research on my end and I'll call you back. The more we know, the better prepared we are to rescue Dean."

"Agreed. I estimate I'll be there in ten hours and when I get my hands on them, they will pay."

"Fine, I'll call back once I have something definite. Look something is fishy with this black dog, so maybe you're off the hook for now." Bobby hung up, gulped a bit beer and then got back to work.

Silence reigned, as John didn't feel like listening to any music mirroring his son's latest habit.

The differences were glaringly obvious, as Dean no longer preferred old rock music and instead he drove with the radio off, listening to silence. You'd think he would rather have some music to distract him but lately, silence was his only partner.

John couldn't help but noticed the similarities in their actions. Maybe it was his fault his son was missing. So he said a silent prayer. "Hang on, Dean, help is on the way." He felt a little better, even if his son couldn't hear him, but not finding him wasn't an option - as long as he was breathing, he would find his son.

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_**A/N:**_

_Still not sure it works, but hopefully it is clearer and you're enjoying the ride. Used the line from Dean about the 'shot gun greeting' as to why Bobby is so gruff with John. _

_Posting before I lose my nerve…not sure if I like this chapter…but at least John is on his way._


	7. Mandatory Escape Plan Needed Now

**Chap. 7 - Mandatory Escape Plan Needed Now**

A touch, a stroke, a kiss and I found myself despising any demonstration of affection as memories overwhelmed me. It felt wrong. Plus I got tired of being stroked like a pet. I deemed myself a little stronger today, so I fashioned an escape plan. A few minutes, I just needed a few minutes.

Someone must have listened because the opportunity presented itself and I didn't hesitate to attempt to disappear. Although my energy wasn't a hundred percent, I managed to pull myself up on my right side. Now the hard part, I just had to stand up and exit stage right.

My swollen shoulder complained at the abuse as I attempted to stand. Normally I might be a bit self-conscious of walking around nude when I hadn't initiated the action, but today I only had one thought, flee. One deep breath, haul myself up on wobbly legs and I stood for few minutes before the pain became excruciating. I tilted and just as I had freedom in my grasp, she entered. I screamed as I felt a burning sensation. Disoriented and confused but believing that my will power would keep me standing, I slammed my left fist into her jaw. My reward, I crumpled at her feet. Worse I suffered humiliation as she easily slung me back on the bed.

"Tisk, Tisk pet. You've been naughty, so I guess I might as well demonstrate a few more lessons."

Agonizing doesn't begin cover the feeling of being ripped in two even if it was only in my imagination. Her tongue stroked my cheek and then her fingers seized my chin and I watched her forked tongue slithered into my mouth. Her breath stunk as a musky smell invaded my nostrils. I squirmed trying to find leverage to shove her off as her close proximity freaked me out. I felt trapped and weak and oblivion welcomed me once more despite my best efforts I had failed once again. No wonder everyone had deserted me.

I dreamt and somehow I loathed the hallucinations that assaulted my mind, for some part of me knew that nothing was real.

* * *

"Dean, get up we've got to go to school**."** A whiny voice bellowed in Dean's ear.

"I'm up, quit your sniveling. Can't believe you, complaining about missing school, it's not normal." I muttered then I opened my eyes. A pounding headache greeted my morning and I squinted at the too bright lights, so I promptly rolled back over ignoring my whiny little brother's voice.

Sammy was persistent. "Dean, get up…fine if you stay home, I'm going to school."

"Fine, go to school."

I cracked open one eye and watch my brother literally stop in his tracks. If my head wasn't killing me I would be chuckling over his reactions. How many times had he begged me to allow him to go to school on his own and here I had just given him permission to do just that.

Sam turned and cautiously moved towards his brother. He chewed his bottom lip wondering if **'**_Something was wrong, really wrong._**'**

"Dean, you've never let me go on my own even if I begged you to go on my own. What's wrong?" He approached me carefully, and touched my forehead, it was too hot, but he wasn't prepared for my reactions.

I felt threatened and I grabbed my knife, which I always kept under my pillow. A ghoul was touching me, and I reacted quickly and efficiently. "What have you done to my brother?" My grip on the intruder was solid even though ghoul struggled but he stilled when my knife nicked the his throat. "Where is Sammy? If you've harmed him you're dead!" In a lethal voice, I punctuated each word carefully as I tightened my arm around his neck.

"Dean, please you're hurting me. It's me, Sammy…I'm right here. Please Dean, you're sick…let me go. I don't understand why you think I'm not your brother, please Dean look at me." Sammy fought his instinct to inflict harm on his brother to break free, he understood a counter move, hell Dean had taught him. He screamed when the arm around his neck tightened. "Please Dean, it's me. Please let me go…"

For one split second I thought I saw my brother, then the door opened. '_Another one, damn it how are they getting in. I know I checked the salt last night. Damn I can't think, my head hurts so much._**' **I turned to meet the new threat, and used the monster as a shield. I wasn't expecting another monster to walk in the door, so casual as if he owned the place.

"Dean, what the hell? Son let your brother go, he's bleeding."

Why this ghoul expected me to recognize him didn't make any sense, nor did I obey any of his orders. **"**Tell me where my brother is.**" **

I know I challenged him and for one split second I thought I saw fear in his eyes**.** The monster kept his voice composed and smooth and I'll give him credit he stayed put, even though I could tell every nerve in his body was screaming to tackle me, so the smaller ghoul must have been important to him.

"Dean, look at me, I promise you I'll help you find Sammy. You're sick son, Stand down…I've got this, just stand down Dean."

If only my head would just shut up so I could think clearly, and once again I looked down at the monster and for a split second it morphed into my brother. Two things happened simultaneously, my knife clattered to the floor and I felt myself swaying and before I could do anything I dropped like dead weight hitting my head on the floor and I quickly welcomed oblivion.

John crossed the distance in a flash and gathered his youngest into his arms. He grabbed a dishtowel and pressed it against Sammy's throat. Once he discovered it was a shallow cut, he had him press the towel against his throat. "It's not deep, but you stay here just in case."

"Dad, he's sick."

He cut off his son's protest. "I can't worry about you too. Dean hallucinating and if he attacks again, I can take care of it as long as you're not being used as leverage. How long has he been sick and why didn't you call?"

Sammy had no trouble distinguishing that his father was really perturbed. He did what any twelve-year-old would do he avoided the blame. "He wasn't sick last night, just tired. Dean covered your ass by working two jobs because you forgot to leave us enough money." He pouted to prove his point.

Meanwhile during his youngest tirade, John crossed the distance to his oldest boy and was checking out his vitals. " Got to get his temperature down, go run a bath, warm water. Now Sammy!" He ordered.

Sammy dropped his towel and ran to the bathroom complying with the command, he could argue later once Dean was out of the woods.

John stripped his sweats off his boy and gently cradled his son in his arms and immediately a mental image of his infant son flashed before his eyes. He carried him to the bathroom and deftly situated his boy in the tub. He smiled when Dean's dazed eyes fluttered open.

"Sammy collect all the weapons and lock them in the truck, especially his knife." John commanded as he figured he needed to be cautious just a bit longer.

"Dad, why am I wet…I need to…" I attempted to stand but my arms and legs felt like lead. It hardly helped when my father easily pushed me back down.

"Not yet, we need to get your temperature down."

"I'm fine. Let me up" I struggled to move once again but my body felt so sluggish and the lights were still way too bright.

"Shh…just close your eyes. I'm not going anywhere, we'll talk when you feel better I promise. Stand down Dean, I'm home…and I'm not going anywhere, you just have to promise me you'll get better."

"Cold, I want out."

"Shh, not yet, sorry son, we need to get your temperature down, then I'll put you to bed. Let me handle this."

* * *

Dean endeavored to open his eyes. He blinked several times trying to shake the dream and assess his condition. He attempted to roll on to his side, but a forceful arm pulled him back.

"Pet, not done yet, maybe next time you will remember your place. You're mine to do with as I wish and when I'm done with you, you will die."

He cringed as an unnatural fear cloaked his heart. His breathing became irregular and he couldn't figure out what was happening. So he did what he always did whenever he couldn't fight back physically, he used sarcasm as his best defense. "Hit me with your best shot, bitch…I'm gonna enjoy toasting you."

Of course, it didn't help his manhood any when he screamed like a girl just because the pain his belly picked just that moment to crank it up a few notches and wiped out all of his other sensations. He panted trying to get control once more but shivered when he felt her stroke him with her tongue up his backside.

"Don't worry, Pet. I will make your last days memorable, I promise."

"Did I ever mention you're not my type?" He braced himself for payback but he felt the snark was worth it as it made him feel just a little bit back in control.

* * *

**A/N: **Okay I redid the dream sequence and hopefully it is clearer. Thanks **Lykaia** for pointing out how to fix it. I think I got it from one person's perspective, let me know if it's still muddy.

Bobby's out of character reactions - will explain soon. Trying to get the next two chapters ready to go soon. I think Dean would love to murder the creature, don't you? Please review and feed my poor muse. Thanks for reading even if you don't take the time to review.


	8. The Chosen One

Slowly the pain receded; once again I attempted to reestablish my equilibrium. I despised my vulnerability and how disoriented I felt, as if I had been run over by a freight train. I had a huge gaping hole in my memories. I had a vague recollection of the black dog chasing me, but drew a big blank on how I had escaped and got captured in my latest nightmare. My right shoulder was swollen and I could barely lift it off the bed. I sucked in a breath as I tried to figure out what type of monster had captured me. Whatever the hell she was, I didn't know, but I would enjoy wasting her. Just as soon as I could stand up on my own two feet, she would be history.

"Sponge bath time." A predatory smile beamed at me as she licked her lips.

"Look, I'd love to stay and chat but I'm a very busy guy with places to go."

"Now pet, I'm afraid we're just starting to get acquainted, so you might as well relax and stay awhile." She laughed as though had delivered the best comic line in history. Then she leaned close and whispered into my ear, "For a human you're mighty pretty. Now don't be bashful, I'm just admiring the view." She ripped the meager protection off my dignity and leered making me feel self-conscious, as I were a piece of meat.

For a moment I averted my eyes, "Look, I'll…"

"Shhh, silence is golden." She sneered and squeezed the excess water out of the sponge. Then reached and with one expert tug, the dressing was pulled off. "Such gorgeous abs. Now, none of that, I'm afraid I can't let you hide behind any masks."

Her hand grasped my chin and forced me to look at her. I attempted to appear defiant but one look into her eyes and I lost what little control I had left. "That's better, yum…how succulent; let me add a hint of fear. Yes, much better."

I was totally unprepared for overwhelming emotions that bubbled out of my body. I tried to shift away but her eyes, something about them froze me in my tracks. "Stop." It was a quiet plea, but one that was quickly ignored. "Why?" I gasped as the pain increased tenfold.

"Because Pet, you're the chosen one." I howled until sweet darkness overwhelmed me.

* * *

I blinked several times before I could get my vision to clear. Something was different about the place. I sat up as a dizzy spell threatened to knock me flat on my back. Then I looked up as a hand touched my forehead.

"Sweetie, you need to sleep. Do you want some water?"

I tried to swallow the lump down my throat staring at the one person I knew I would never see again. "Mom."

"Dean, you need to rest, you've been a pretty sick little boy." She smiled.

I couldn't believe how easily she picked me up and cradled me in her arms.

"Mom." Tears welled in my eyes and I didn't think I could keep it together.

_Hey Jude don't make it bad,_

_Take a sad song and make it better._

_Remember to let her into your heart. _

_Then you can start to make it better._

I couldn't help it I smiled for the first time in a long time as she pulled me close, and my last thought before drifting off to sleep, "If only I could be so young again." I drifted to dreamland with her hand stroking my cheek and rubbing the top of my head.

"Don't worry Dean; you'll be up and playing ball with your daddy in no time, but for now I want you to sleep. Can you do that for me?"

I obeyed praying when I woke up again would I see her watching over me.

* * *

Fingertips brushed my forehead and her nose nuzzled my neck. I blinked but the brightness of the lights made me disoriented. I tried to sit up but she forced me back down and straddled my stomach. "You've been a naughty boy and I've been sent to arrest you. I'm afraid I can't be too gentle with such a wicked boy. Her lips brushed my lips and I didn't hesitate to kiss her back hard. I laughed, "Bambi."

"That's my name, don't wear it out." She giggled in my ear and her tongue stroked my neck and then she kissed me taking my breath away.

I grinned enjoying the moment. She leaned in close and whispered, "I've been waiting all evening for payback. I didn't mind being naked although I didn't remember shedding my clothes or even the fun of stripping her down to her underwear. Her hands pinned my arms down but I decided to play along knowing it would be so much sweeter when our positions were reversed.

I smirked when she showed the whip cream can and shook it. I watched as she painted her masterpiece on my belly and chest. She winked before she bent down allowing her tongue to caress my belly button and then proceeded to stroke my chest clean. The anticipation was definitely stirring up the right emotions and I smiled when her first kiss touched my mouth and she ran her tongue over my lips. I had a taste of apple and whip cream, my favorite type of pie.

My mouth parted as she teased me with her tongue darting in and out but not allowing me to fully enjoy the deep kisses. Then her tongue invaded my mouth, light and teasing. Circling my tongue, she smirked, demonstrating she had something mischievous planned. My tongue connected with hers once again and I enjoyed the deep kiss.

But I must admit I freaked when she forcefully shoved her tongue down my throat. I choked, and bucked underneath her trying to shake her off, but to my horror I could only feel her tongue twisting and digging deeper and deeper finally burning all the way down into my gut. Then she wasn't Bambi any longer but the creature that had been torturing me for days. Like a sucker punch to the gut, she stole my breath away. In a daze, I slowly pieced together how I had been used and finally figuring out why my throat was always so sore.

"Relax, pet it will be easier if you do."

Her voice was in my mind and I tried to scream, "Out you sick and twisted bitch, get out." My belly burned as if it was on fire. I couldn't help it, I yelled in mind, "What's happening, what are you doing?"

I tried to regain my composure; I had to get her off me. Although physically I was choking as her tongue slid down my throat and she didn't appear to be stopping any time soon, I also felt as if I was detached and examining myself from the outside looking in. I shuddered when I felt her scales slithering around my thighs and stomach. Awkward didn't begin to cover it, as she practically shoved my nose where her chest should have been. Just as her tongue was slipping further and further inside my body, her serpent body coiled around my legs, stomach and chest until I was pinned, unable to move. "Let me go, bitch."

All I had was words, as I couldn't move an inch without her permission. Eerie didn't begin to cover it as I waited for oblivion to greet me, but darkness never came.

"You're mind, pet…No more sweet dreams. No, now you will learn to obey your Master. It's time you learned your place. It is written only the chosen one can father the new race…You should be proud that you have been decreed worthy of this honor. Your children will change this world, forever."

A tear rolled down my cheek as I tried in vain to cough as a stupor overpowered me as I was unable to sleep or wake but stuck in a nightmare. "What do you mean I'm the father?" I was desperate for air, but somehow the conversation in my mind was loud and clear.

"Consider me a breeder searching for the perfect animal to host my offspring. For a human, you're a fine specimen of a man and you happen to fit the bill in every way that really matters. I've searched for centuries for you. I had almost given into despair that I would never find you, but then like a Christmas present you were dropped into my lap. A gift. Still I didn't believe that fortune would be smiling so much upon me. Only a firstborn, one of true heart, but unloved by his family can ever be taken. The fact that no one is even searching for you proves that you are unloved. But you will know my love for the rest of your unnatural born days."

Chills ran up and down my spine as I struggled in vain, but it was futile. I tried to suck in some air, but all I could feel was her tongue jammed down my throat. I panicked all of my training flying out the window. I didn't know what scared me more the physical situation or her words that chilled me to the bone.

"Don't worry, pet…As long as we're connected you can't die. So you might as well relax and stop squirming because I have no intention of letting you go. No welcome home, pet…now that I've found you, you've finally come home." She laughed and then her fingernail raked my cheek. "In three days, you'll meet your children."

I waited for the horror music to dramatize the situation, for someone to swoop in and to save the day, but I was powerless to stop her. At least she had stopped invading my mind and for a moment I had some quiet, to try to figure out something anything to get her to remove her tongue out of my mouth. How I was alive, I didn't have a clue, but my stomach ached and I felt so much pain. If only I could escape into oblivion, once more. Unable to do anything to help myself I did the one thing I hadn't done in years.

"Please God, if you do exist, help me to break free…Please set me free from this bitch."

* * *

**A/N: First of all you don't need to read this and only a slight spoiler of what is to come. Don't continue reading unless you want to know how I invented the tongue idea in this chapter.**

**I got part of this idea from a prompt, I can't remember where I read it, but basically the idea was to shove something down dean's throat repeatedly. Somehow my twisted muse created a tongue going deeper and deeper down Dean's throat and the monster image was born. So I can't take full credit for coming up with this chapter all on my own, but how I did it was definitely original. I would never intentionally steal someone else idea.**

**I plan to get the next chapter up this week and payback seems to be in the air. I do believe it was time that John makes a guest appearance don't you? So be kind and inspire my muse by leaving a review if you're willing. I know evil cliffhanger…but muse was in control…that's my story and I'm sticking to…it. Do you still like it?  
**


	9. Rescue, I've got a Plan

I shivered. She did nothing to protect my dignity. In fact she enjoyed my discomfort and relished in reminding me that I was only an object, an animal to exploit as she wished. Time stopped and I lost all sense of meaning, as despair became my constant companion. Sometimes it felt as if she was deliberately teasing me with the possibility of her removing her tongue. I had several cuts from her fingernails and I gagged against the foul object stuck down my throat. I was trapped and my tears had long since dried up on my cheeks. All I could do was wait until some kind of mercy was shown on me. Finally after an eternity had past, she withdrew her tongue. I couldn't even close my mouth and I tried to avert my eyes, not wishing to look at her anymore.

"Now, now…don't be like that. You need nourishment, and then some rest."

I didn't trust her, but I couldn't control anything either. I didn't even respond when she decided it was sponge bath time once again. I vaguely remembered being carried outside in the moonlight. Although I longed for escape, I couldn't even lift my head during the ritual. She finally carried me back into my prison and somewhat gently laid me on the bed. She covered me with a cloth and left. I coughed and something gross dribbled out of my mouth. I wondered if I was dying. My life sort of flashed in front of my eyes, and I thought, "Is Sammy finally happy? Did Dad find the bastard that killed my Mom? Will they even miss me when I'm gone?"

Then she was in front of me again. She smiled and I wanted to just smack her face in. But I couldn't even lift my hand. She had won and the knowledge was bittersweet.

"None, of that pet. You're not dying…but you will be pretty ill for a few days. Don't worry the cure is worst than the disease." She chuckled and I didn't even flinch when her fingernail raked my left cheek. Her hand grasped the back of my head and pushing my head up, she forced a fowl green glass of liquid to my lips. I pressed my lips closed in the only form of defiance I had left. The liquid dribbled down my chin unto my neck and chest.

"Now, pet you shouldn't have done that, look what you made me do. I screamed as pain ripped through my gut and she poured the liquid into my mouth. I spit and choked on the thick pungent substance. Finally when I caught my breath and could stop suffocating, she pinched my nose and commanded me to drink up, one more time. My body betrayed me and I obeyed even though I tried to no avail to counter her orders. Just when I thought my nightmare couldn't possibly get any worst, she once again drove her tongue down my belly and I could imagine her feeding her young stuck inside my body. I shivered and my spine tingled as she overpowered my emotions and a constant terror became my only escort.

"Don't worry pet, your nourishment, will aid them to grow strong. You will live forever through your offspring. Songs will be sung, how a great pet gave birth to the perfect race. They will feast on scrumptious delights of your fears and despair. You'll never escape until I decide it is time for your final resting place. Your nudity reminds you of your place, for only an equal would be allowed to be dressed in front of me. It is better this way, pet you'll see. No more will your doubts go to waste, as they are the perfect nourishment for my children. You should be proud, very proud…that I picked you."

I wish I could say I passed out, but instead I was kept in a stupor, and the surreal trance freaked me out more than anything else I had ever encountered before. I felt dehumanized and finally I...lost...hope.

* * *

In the mist of a wooded forest, stood an old abandoned two-story house, secluded and perfect for imprisoning a young healthy male. I cautiously looked through the window and my eyes spotted him. Although every fiber of my being desired to rush in and to free him, I stopped long enough to really observe what was happening. Somewhat out of character, I delayed the rescue and made a phone call.

"Bobby, I found him. It's bad, the monster has her tongue down his throat and he's not moving." My voice cracked.

My only lifeline for the moment was a man who despised me, had cocked and pointed a gun at my face, but loved my boy as his own. He could understand the horror show I was witnessing and the only one that could help me to focus on the job so I could rescue my son. But his words didn't bring the comfort I sought. Instead my pain increased tenfold as he demanded descriptions of everything I knew about the situation.

"John you listen to me, if you want your son to live, you'll listen to me. Last time we saw each other, I cocked a shotgun at you, promised I would shoot you, and I'll fulfill that promise if you ignore me now. I know you want to go in guns blazing but if you do, Dean will die. He'll die, John."

"You're asking me to just stand by and watch. I can't do it, Bobby. It's my boy, my son…no matter what else you think of me, I love my son…"

"John, I don't doubt for an instant, that you love your boy. But if you really love him, you have to wait or anything you do will be in vain. Listen to me, we want the same things, but you have to be patient for a few days. Otherwise he will die a very painful death. I know you don't want to watch that, now do you. John damn it, don't hang up on me."

One of the most difficult things I had to do in my life was to watch and wait for an opportunity to rescue my boy. I hated that I had to listen to Bobby Singer's advice, but my objectivity was shot. God, Dean reminded me so much of my Mary. I couldn't even lift a finger to help him. I had to stand on the sidelines hiding out of sight and disguising my scent so that bitch wouldn't get any warnings before I could take her out.

I didn't pray much anymore. I lost my faith when my Mary died, but today I prayed that somehow Dean would remain strong, that he wouldn't believe her lies and that justice would be swift in the end.

For an eternity, or so it seemed, I hid in the shadows; I could barely breathe when she extracted her tongue out of my son's esophagus. But I steeled my resolved as I eavesdropped on their conversation.

"Pet, you did good," Her fingers fondled my boy's hair, then yanked him brutally on his side until she maneuvered him so she was in the best position to cuddle with him. Then she seemed to gloat, "Before you know it, you'll give birth to a whole new race. You should feel honored that I picked you."

It took every resolve I had not to go into the room guns blazing. But as I watched Dean, I realized with a sinking heart, that Bobby was right. Normally Dean's smart aleck remarks would be flying about now, but he just whimpered in her arms until finally I guess he passed out from the pain.

"Don't worry Dean, I'm gonna make her pay for the both of us." I thought to myself. I clutched my gun and snuck back out, so I could call Bobby back. I recognized that my emotions were getting the better of me and I needed a calm head if I was going to figure out how to kill this creature. So I made a phone call.

A worried voice answered, "Has she removed the eggs, yet?"

"How do you know she has eggs inside my boy? Damn it, Bobby quit your stalling and just tell me what the hell you know?"

I could almost see him messing with his baseball cap, "John, ten years ago another father found his boy with similar circumstances. No one knew anything, so he…rushed in and immediately he copped off her head. Or at least he tried. But nothing penetrated the bitch until she transformed back into a human. She laughed and tried to reason with him. She told him, if she died, his boy would die too. He didn't believe her. He decapitated her body, and rushed to his son. He died two days later in a hospital; the autopsy produced three eggs in his stomach. He died in surgery, John. They knew enough to know something needed to be removed, so they were doing exploratory surgery, when they lost him on the table."

I rubbed my hand over the side of my face. "What makes you think that waiting will have a different ending?" I had lost my objectivity, and I prayed that listening to Bobby would provide some much needed answers.

"Because she bragged about it but he ignored her tirades. Over and over she had tried to convince him that only she could save the boy. One more day John, you've listened this far, don't blow it now. I love that boy too. Doesn't Dean deserve the best possible chance at life?"

My knees quivered and I sunk to the ground, as tears pooled at my eyes and I wanted to scream. "Fine, we'll do it your way, but if he dies…you're a dead man, Bobby."

"He's not dying on my watch. Now update me on his condition, what have you heard and seen and don't leave anything thing out."

* * *

Finally, the day for my son's salvation had arrived. In the scheme of things it was anticlimactic at the end. Her voice grated on my nerves, but I listened, making sure ultimately, Dean would have the best chance of surviving.

She stroked his face and he tried to look away but she held his chin in her grasp and forced him to look her in the eyes. "Pet, today your children will raise. Your pain will give them enough nourishment for their birth. Together we will watch them come forth and take their rightful place in the world…" She cackled and licked my son's face as he tried to turn away, but he was too weak and she easily overpowered him.

I watched as her tongue did the impossible. Words I didn't understand were spoken first, and then her tongue dove into his belly button. Blood gushed and he shrieked "Oh God!"

Blood, too much blood poured out of his body, and then her thrusting tongue produced an egg, an ostrich size white egg. Three times she removed the large eggs, three times my boy wailed. I clutched the Machete, praying I wasn't watching my son die before my eyes.

"Don't worry pet, you'll live and soon we'll do this all over again." Gleefully she gloated and miraculously her tongue restored some of the damage she had caused. I didn't hesitate, once she returned to human form I swiftly took revenge.

"Take that, you Bitch, no one messes with my family, no one." I struck and barely took time to notice her head crashing to the ground. Then I cleaved each egg in half. Once I deemed it safe, I rushed to my son. His stillness sat my nerves on end as I shakily checked for a pulse. My reward was that he looked at me.

"Dad…"

He whispered one word, and I quickly pulled him into a tight embraced. I held on tight, for he needed it just as much as I did. For a moment I just held on, ignoring his nudity, his humiliation, and prayed he felt only love lifting him up. For a moment, time stood still as I held my baby boy in my arms.

* * *

**A/N: I tried not to leave a cliffie and somehow this chapter is a bit longer. But during the next few weeks, I have contest and such so I'm hoping to post at least once a week, but I can't make any promises. Also fanfic dot net wouldn't let me update so I will do the best I can to update ASAP.  
**

**Poor Dean, I think he needs some tender care and I'm sure there are many of us that would volunteer, but perhaps his Dad can fill in for now. Hopefully you could tell the first part was from Dean's point of view and the second from John's point of view...I wanted both in this chapter. Let me know if I need to add the words 'Dean's POV' to make it clearer.  
**

**Sorry, my twisted muse isn't finished with him yet, but she does seem to agree he needs a respite before another wave begins…do you agree? Do you like, please feed my muse by hitting that review button.**


	10. About time you showed up

"Dad…"

He whispered one word, and I quickly pulled him into a tight embraced. I held on tight, for he needed it just as much as I did. For a moment I just held on, ignoring his nudity, his humiliation, and prayed he felt only love lifting him up. For a moment, time stood still as I held my baby boy in my arms.

* * *

Funny, despite how close the two boys were, Sam misunderstood Dean's coping mechanism for dealing with traumatic events. As long as my boy was cocky, obnoxious and cracking jokes, I knew I didn't have to worry about him. But it was an entirely different story when he got quiet, reflective and retreated inward. Dean was withdrawing and not even my presence was making a difference and I wondered if I had made a fatal mistake when I had abandon my son so he could get refocused on the job.

Sam always accused me of treating Dean as a solider instead of my son, that worse I didn't love him. He was greatly mistaken. I recognized my son's limits and right now I was totally observing a major melt down of Dean withdrawing and shutting down right before my eye. My son was broken and I wasn't sure if I was even up to the task of being the lifeline he required. Sam was better at this and it was unfair that Sam had deserted his family, especially his brother when we needed him the most. But although I'm a poor substitute; unfortunately, I'm all he has at this very moment.

"Dad"

His soft voice got me back in action, as I carefully cradled the base of his head and neck with my hand and lowered him back on the bed. Dean licked his top lip reminding me that he was parched. I fetched my backpack and reached inside for a bottle of water. "Just a few sips." I ordered. Talk about kicking a puppy when its down…I wasn't sure I could do what was necessary to save my son's life.

Somehow I found the reserves necessary to assist my son, even if it created a false impression of me not loving him. I removed the temptation before he could drink too much. My thumb rubbed his jaw line, "Sorry son, but I need to assess the damage." I turned his head so I could inspect the cuts on his face, discovering just superficial scratches.

He stared at me, rarely blinking as if he was in a trance and unable to respond. I poured some holy water on his shoulder wound and his body barely reacted. He shucked in a breath when I did the same for his stomach. Luckily the bleeding from the stomach wound wasn't as dangerous as I first feared. Blood was seeping around his belly button and on his left side, but not at an alarming rate, finally something was in our favor.

Hating myself for what I had to do, but knowing it had to be done, I lifted his head one more time and supported his neck with my hand and then tipped the flask into his mouth. Greedily at first, he drank from my flask of holy water as if he didn't even notice my command to get him to drink a few more sips. But then the reaction wasn't peaceful, he yelled as smoke bubbled out of him. Then he collapsed in my arms, spent and panting to catch his breath, but I didn't see any blame in his eyes.

"Hey, kiddo, I've got some sweats out in the truck, that will work for now."

"Don't.'

I admit I was a little confused by his reaction. A feeble grasp tried to stop me from leaving. I patted his arm and repeated, "It won't take but a sec."

"Don't leave." His eyes implored me to understand. I helped him take a few swallows of just plain water and he coughed.

On one hand, I was surprised he was still conscious. "Okay, kiddo, I'm going to wrap you up in this blanket then.

"No!"

Frustrated, I responded in typical Winchester fashion, I commanded him to choose. "Look, it's either the sweats or the blanket, take your pick. But I need to get you out of here and I'm not carrying you naked to the truck."

The defeat in his eyes, almost brought me to my knees, but I held strong because otherwise he wouldn't survive the horrors he had suffered. I had taught him how to suppress many things, but I wasn't sure if he could do it this time unless I helped him to feel in control. So I waited even though every fiber of my being was screaming wrap him tight in the blanket and haul ass out of here.

"Blanket, don't leave me here. Can't…"

I wiped his eyes as tears rolled down his cheeks, "None of that. It's over.

He swallowed and pulled on his last reserves, "About time you showed up."

I didn't say anything when he chose that moment to pass out. I simply wrapped him up as snug as I could, and gently cradled him in my arms. He had lost too much weight, as he didn't have the bulk I was expecting before his ordeal. I made quick work of getting him out of there, and situated him in the truck. Then I secured the cabin and built a fire that would burn the entire building down. I waited until the blaze was roaring before I left. I called to report a fire out of control and then I headed out of Luck, knowing how devastating the place had been for my son. But he had been found and soon he would be on the mend. I wouldn't allow it otherwise.

**_TBC_**

* * *

**A/N:** I started this as a drabble story hoping to be consistent in writing and posting and hoping it would get my muse flowing again. You can skip the rant below if you want to.

I have two ways to go in the next chapter and not sure which way I'm going. Had a difficult time writing this last one, and not sure about it, so some feedback would be nice. Is the writing good enough to post, and if it isn't what could I do to make it better…flames will be ignored but constructive criticism will be looked at. I would like some examples…if you're pointing out errors. I'm still fighting this story isn't worth anyone's time to read…so feedback would be appreciated.

Also if fanfic won't let me post that can also create delays. I have one last contest, so not sure how much I can post this week. Hopefully you're still enjoying it and want more. I'm trying to learn how to write just for me, but reviews do inspire my muse. Without them the voices in my head…well they aren't always positive. Posting before I lose my nerve. I would like to know if the reason people aren't continuing the story is due to bad writing or if they just don't like the storyline. Ignore the rant if you like.


	11. The Plan

_The hero that was lost. The hero that was lost._

Large waves pummeled the ocean and loomed over me. I felt like I was the football being tossed back and forth only each time I went under the current I wondered if this was finally the end. I struggled to swim back to the surface as some part of me fought to never give up. But there was nothing to grab hold of and I felt my strength fading. Alone, my worst nightmare, I'm dying all alone, No one cared, no one. Maybe it was time to just let go.

"Dean."

I felt a hand on my shoulder and a gentle nudge, but it was a struggle to open my eyes. Finally I blinked and the brightness of the room confused me when an ugly puke-green wall greeted my eyes. I could have sworn the near drowning was real, was I still a prisoner? My mind started racing and I could feel my heart beating faster as I waited for her to make her next move, the newest line of torture. I wasn't free…damn; I wasn't free. I needed my energy back. Somehow I had to escape. I couldn't die here.

"Hey, you with me yet?"

I swallowed the best I could with a dry mouth. I didn't dare speak, wondering if my eyes were playing tricks on me or not. Finally I broke the silence. "Dad," I croaked as my voice cracked and I licked my top lip trying to find any moisture. Too good to be true, it was a trap, right? I shivered and a hand touched me and I couldn't help it, I jumped.

"Hey, you're safe. You're a mess; you're grounded by the way. No more solo hunts."

He lifted my head and I took a sip. Cautiously, I waited for him to disappear but instead he just repeated himself again. His rough voice exposed more than the words, he was worried as hell about something and being way too gentle. I couldn't focus. Some tune was stuck in my head and finally it sort of registered, Gilligan's Island, the tune I was humming was from Gilligan's Island. "Ginger or Mary Ann?" Desperately needing to get my mind on anything else other than the possibility that I was still imprisoned and all of this was the illusion. _Please be real_, I chanted in my mind…too scared to say it out loud. _God, please be real._

For a moment neither of us said anything. He just stared at me with his passionate intense eyes soaking in my every move. I couldn't stand it; I had to break the silence, but how?

A glass appeared out of nowhere and I greedily drank the water. I hurt all over and I couldn't figure out what I should do first. I repeated the question, "Ginger or Mary Ann?" I didn't know why it seemed so important but I needed to hear my Dad's voice. I needed something to take away the silence. Anything.

"Well we both know your answer, you like the wild ones." His laugh sounded forced.

His hand felt my forehead. "Rest kiddo, we can discuss the finer points of Ginger and Mary Ann when you're back on the road to recovery. It will be easier on both of us, if you're not feeling the pain while I finish cleaning you up. You're a big mess. You shouldn't have let her get the drop on you, we got some training to do when you're feeling better." I felt a slight prick, and my body felt more sluggish, if that was possible.

I slurred, "Ginger of course…she'd be more fun. Dad, where's my clothes?" I couldn't focus and I rambled, how I hated when I did that. Dad knew how much I hated the strong drugs. "Which one?" I insisted and struggled to stay awake, fighting every step of the way to make sense of what was happening.

"Shh…it's the good stuff, just no more bad dreams."

A thumb rubbed my chin, but I didn't care, I had to know what was going on. "You real? How? Why can't I…" I hated how jumbled my thoughts were, unable to express myself. I felt so irritated that he understood my limitations and he seemed so composed. I couldn't stand how calm he appeared about the whole thing. I want to smack him to get a rise out of him, anything else other than how he was reacting. I wrestled against the irrational desires that seemed to be overwhelming me. But the combination of drugs and his constant massaging forced me to relax. As if he figured I couldn't escape the lull of the drugs. But I fought back. I had to; I needed answers even if it wasn't in my best interest. So I struggled, but the drugs took control and darkness won.

* * *

The next time I woke up, darkness greeted my eyes. I tried to sit up, but my body felt sluggish and I couldn't muster the strength to get up. I did notice that I had new bandages, and the swelling had gone down a bit. A loud snore greeted my ears. Dad was sleeping next to me. How did that happen? I couldn't remember any details, as I felt disorientated and I tried to focus and attempted to stand, but my body just didn't respond to any of my commands. Then a glass was thrust into my hands and I drank a sip and almost spit it all out. Finally it registered that Dad wasn't standing in front of me, and I squinted to get the blurry face in focus. I'm not sure if I screamed but it was pathetically weak.

"Thanks kiddo, you sure know how to welcome a friend, one that drove for hours just to see you, I might add."

"Bobby, when…"

"Relax, don't strain yourself, wouldn't want you to have a heart attack."

"How did…"

"Took a tip from the John Winchester book on how to break traffic records, got here as soon as I could. Too wired to sleep, so I took first watch. Your dad, even though he's tough as nails, he really needed a nap."

"Don't go."

"Not going anywhere, but you need to give in to dreamland to get well."

"Can't…nightmares…don't go"

"Shh…Kiddo, I've got watch."

I fought to stay awake somehow it felt familiar. "Don't let me dream, please I need to pee…"

"Already taken care of. Just relax and rest. Sleep will help you feel better faster."

I watched him take his hat off. I squirmed; I really needed to go. I repeated myself as if it would make it all better. "I gotta pee."

Any other day it might have been funny, but tears welled up in my eyes when he stated the obvious.

"Dean, the catheter working, promise."

"I'm not two, help me up"

"Sorry kiddo, not right now. Drink this."

I took a sip and spewed it out hitting Bobby, square on the chest. "What's that? You trying to kill me?"

He chuckled, "Nope, but you need to drink it. Yep, it's sour but if you want to get out of that bed, you're gonna chug it all down."

The fact my dad joined in at that moment had nothing to do with me finishing the entire glass in one large gulp. Humor usually was my best weapon but I had nothing. I tried to come up with something witty, but I couldn't focus.

"Sleep son, your body is craving it, just relax. Stand down; I've got watch."

I wish I could say I had the strength to ignore his command, but I didn't. I didn't recognize the words as dreamland won.

* * *

"Is it really necessary to keep him so drugged up to the gills? He loathes being unable to make sense, although I thought he had outgrown the need to announce to everyone he needed to pee once he got past four years old. I really wish I could bring that bitch back just to kill her again."

"John, Look you and I both know we're flying blind on this one. But from everything I've found, this is necessary, unless you want to put him in the hospital like I suggested. They could…"

"No, I've said no. He's mumbling in his sleep. If he says some of the stuff we've overheard he be placed under lock and key, so it's not an option right now."

"Now, I remember why I'm always threatening to shoot you."

"Hey, sometimes I want to shoot me, but my boy…my son is not going to die. So if this works, I don't care how crazy it gets, I'm not going to lose him."

"So when he's up and about, you'll need to monitor him closely. He can't be on his own."

"He won't be alone. Maybe we'll get lucky and we won't have to do it. Maybe he'll just recover…"

"Since when has the Winchester luck gone that way? No it'll go south, it always does. I need some time to find some substitutes. But we still have to find two people to match the description of protector and priest."

"Priest is easy, Jim will do it. You're the Wizard, I'm the father so the hard part finding someone the right age to be the protector." The phone rings and he answers. "Caleb, look I can't pick up that weapon right now, hold on to it for me. I'll call you when I can make arrangements to pick it up. Thanks,"

"John, What about Caleb? He's the right age and he could understand it, if we explain it." Bobby rubbed his chin and looked up at John.

"Caleb...that could work."

"You have to tell him."

"Nope, you leave that to me."

"Look John, you're asking him to commit for the rest of his life, he has to know upfront what we're planning."

"Nah, sometimes you just let Dean work his magic and extend the deadline. It's worked before."

"You bastard, you deliberately didn't come back to pick them up that first time…didn't you."

"Yep, besides Dean has a way of growing on you. Some were drawn to Sam, but I've never seen anyone that's had to care for dean for a period of time and not get attached to the kid. I'm his father, and if I have to lie to save him, well so be it. You let me handle Caleb."

"Fine, you handled the kid, but if it blows up in your face, I'm going to shoot you."

* * *

**A/N: I know it's been over a month since I've updated. I had trouble figuring out how to get the story moving in the right direction. I had to jump out of first person when Dean slept, but hopefully it works, since it's being told through conversation. Most likely the chapters will get shorter so I can update more often. This was supposed to be a short chapter story so I wouldn't get long delays on updating. **

**Also, I'm having trouble with migraines and lately it's been a problem having the energy to do anything. **

**Hopefully the relationship between John and Bobby is believable. I think Bobby has always known more than what he's told the boys. The story may move into AU more than cannon, but I've tried to keep it as something that could fit into cannon if certain secrets had been kept.**

**Don't know how many are still interested, but reviews do help to motivate my muse, so I would love to get some feedback as I really am trying to improve my writing skills. But most of all I hope you're enjoying my dark little tale. **


	12. Grin & Bear It

Grin and bear it

**_THEN:_**

_For a moment I couldn't breath. During my entire recovery, we had just avoided the truth, skip over it, tried to gloss it over. But now I couldn't ignore the elephant in the room, because I was the elephant. It didn't register that I had screwed up again, when I found his arms pulling me into a hug. I clung to him as if my world was shattering into a million pieces. I was damage goods. I don't know how long he held me. I didn't argue when he pushed the drink into my hands. I drank it greedily for the first time, as I really wanted to escape into oblivion. I avoided eye contact, ignored his words but the last thing I remembered was his hand stroking my cheek. _

* * *

**NOW:**

* * *

After an eternity, I finally was allowed to get out of bed. My shoulder ached all the time, but I didn't dare complain because I was going stir crazy sleeping my days away. But Dad's decision that I could only manage a few hours awake at a time was wearing thin. His first training session was mandatory research training. So I stretched out on the couch with his laptop propped on my stomach, as my ankle required me to keep it elevated at all times. For my own good, he'd said. Gruff didn't begin to cover it. He watched me like a hawk unless he was sleeping, as his soft snores reminded me I only had a few hours of freedom. Still Dad didn't have much to worry about, as standing took way more energy then I could use without some sort of help.

The fact that Dad didn't trust me either certainly didn't help my current mood. If I moved an inch without his permission, he was in my face asking me if I really was ready to start the physical training portion of my recovery. We both knew my ankle wouldn't hold up to the maneuvers he had planned, so for now I just sucked it up. Grin and bear it, my motto for the moment. Funny, not that long ago I was drowning my sorrows in a bottle about being all alone and believing no one cared if I was even breathing and now I couldn't breathe without his permission. What a crazy mixed up world I lived in.

"Hey, sleeping beauty, report, what mistakes did you make on the last hunt which got you in trouble. Figure out what you found instead of a black dog?"

"I wasn't sleeping I was just resting my eyes."

"Sure you were, and I didn't catch you snoring, did I?"

I knew it was coming, but hated how quickly he had me up on my feet and half carried me to the table. Lunchtime, if you could call it that. Chicken soup wasn't looking that appetizing anymore. "I know cooking is difficult for you, but couldn't you whip up a little variety? Anything besides soup, what harm would it do to have a burger…something worth biting into?"

"Look, sport we've been over this for the last few times you've tried."

His eyes pierced my soul but I couldn't help but balk when he once again attempted to feed me. "It's just soup, I can manage, thank you very much. I'm not an invalid." _Please, don't make me beg._

"Fine, but when you've spilled it all over yourself, don't complain when I don't bother to clean it up right away. By the way, after lunch we start PT on that shoulder. Then it's nap time."

"If it will get this damn sling removed I'm all for it. Why don't we skip the nap routine, I think I outgrew that a long time ago." I groused.

"Nah, consider it part of the training exercises, you will do what I say when I say. I'm afraid I don't trust you to take care of yourself. If I had put my foot down earlier, perhaps you wouldn't have almost died. I almost lost you. Sam always accused me of treating you like a solider instead of my son. That you blindly followed my orders, but we both know that's not totally true."

I watched him turn away, his voice got really quiet and gruff. I tried to swallow the lump stuck in my throat. These moments were rare. But they were the glue that held us together, the times when we forgave each other for whatever demons we carried. I clumsily wiped away the lone tear trying to escape. I clamped down on my emotions; I wouldn't break down. _Please God…keep me strong for just a bit longer. _Thankfully he gave me the moment I needed to recompose myself.

Call it stubborn pride; I couldn't sit still any longer. So I attempted to walk by myself. I knew my ankle wouldn't hold my weight but the combination of the stuffiness of the room, a need to prove myself worthy being a hunter…especially a Winchester…kinda of overwhelmed made me reckless. So I stood. I wobbled, but before I crashed and burned, Dad had grabbed me, hard.

One moment I'm about to collide into the kitchen table, and then I'm being hauled upright and half carried back to bed.

No. Don't.

He didn't listen. He just adjusted the sling so I couldn't get it off. Then my foot was elevated into a position that made it impossible for me to get any leverage to crawl out of bed.

"Drink, no arguments. We'll talk later, but for now you need to rest and I need to know you're not going to hurt yourself more."

If I didn't comply with his wishes, I didn't want to think about what he would do next. So I caved, I drank the damn drink. I hated how it made me feel. Loopy and unable to concentrate. Funky. Although I tried not to nod off, dreamland called and I couldn't keep my eyes open. Whispers surrounded me but I couldn't decipher any meanings. I drifted and finally I knew no more.

* * *

"Shouldn't we hit the road? I know you must have scammed some really great cards but haven't we pushed our luck? I wouldn't want us to overstay our welcome."

"Tell you what, since your recovery has been so impressive, why don't we do a little test run. Found a hunt that should be a piece of cake. A simple ghost story, a test run, similar to the type of hunts I allowed you to attend when you were a young tyke."

"Hey, if it will get me out of this room, I don't care what obstacles you throw in my path, I'm ready. I'm going stir crazy, being stuck in here."

"Always knew that Winchester blood ran through your veins." He chuckled.

"Dad, I'm," I looked away, I suddenly felt really stupid and foolish. "Look, I get we're separating soon…I'm sorry I screwed up so bad."

"Drink."

"No." I whispered refusing to make eye contact. It was now or never. I'd been babied long enough. I had maybe a few weeks left before he would deem me fit to be on my own and this time I would prove I was a Winchester. I just wasn't expecting a hand on my shoulder.

"Look, we can do this the easy way or the hard way."

"Don't make me, please…Dad…I don't need it anymore."

"Sorry kiddo, but your not in charge of your recovery, not till you prove you'll do what's in your best interest. You can sleep in the car, we'll hit our destination when you wake up."

"I can help you load the car" I stalled, but the glass was thrust into my hands. My hands shook as I gave in. I blinked back my tears determine not to cry. I hated how emotional I got but I barely registered being settled in the passenger side of the truck. I dozed till the hum of the truck lulled me to sleep. When he killed the engine, I licked my lips as the fog lifted a little. Not enough for me to walk on my own to feet into the room, but enough that I felt I had sort of entered the room under my own steam.

"Dinner's almost ready. Just relax and call me if you need anything…no getting up on your own."

"K." I took comfort in the sounds, sounds I registered as being home. There was one sound missing and the lump in my throat threatened my cover of recovering. Something was off, missing. I was afraid to voice it, but we both knew something had changed. Physically, I was doing fine, back on track and soon it would be time to push through so I could do what needed to be done. But emotionally, let's face it; I was a train wreck. At first I cried at a drop of a hat. Talk about embarrassing, but Dad ignored it. Sam never got that; sometimes you just didn't talk about it. I missed him, but I was glad he would never see me this mess up.

"Hey, let's get you up. Time for dinner, Kiddo."

Confusion must have shown on my face because he chuckled. While I was still groggy, he started my ankle exercises. I winced but managed to suck it up. Then he surprised me when he slapped a brace on my ankle.

"About time you got mobile don't you think? Not safe for you to attend any type of hunt, simple or not, if you can't move. Over the next few days, we'll do some trial runs, if you demonstrate you're able, then I'll take you. Otherwise you'll stay here."

"But…" I couldn't wrap my head around the change and then I smelt it. "Burgers, you got burgers."

"Yep, if you're up to hunting then its time you ate something substantial,"

"Damn you tricked me. I should have seen your head games coming a mile away."

"Shows you're still recovering, not back up to top speed. But you recognized the need to leave, so it shows your starting to get back in the game. Now eat, and it's time I put you through some paces."

I smiled, for the first time it felt normal. I could win back my Dad's trust. I just had to prove myself, demonstrate I could make better choices. I was getting my equilibrium back. I couldn't help myself, I had to spoil it, I had to ask. "When are you joining Bobby, he's got my car, right? I still don't get why he left."

"Don't you worry about anything, you're grounded, remember. You're stuck with me until I say otherwise. Now get over here and eat. Hamburgers should be eaten before they're stone cold."

Just like that, the topic was closed. I knew better than to argue. Sam didn't take the hints, he would just try to bulldoze his way in, looking for the angle that would get him the results he wanted, never getting it would never work, but backfire and make the old man more difficult to deal with. So I caved, I wondered where Bobby had gone; I could remember the whispers but not the words. Once again I was reminded how different this recovery was compared to all the other times. I had been coddled, pampered. The hamburger suddenly lost its flavor, as I felt overwhelmed. Dad hadn't been this cautious since I don't know when, something was wrong but I couldn't figure it out.

"None of that. Look at me." Concerned eyes pierced my soul. "Eat, you need to get your strength back, then we'll cross the next step together. I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me."

I lost it, my emotions bubbled up and I couldn't control anything. "I hate this, you shouldn't be here. I screwed up, I know I did." I don't even remember picking up the items but it felt good to throw them hard against the wall. If they broke, I didn't care. I just didn't care about the mess. Then I found a wall, an immovable wall as he embraced me hard. I felt I was suffocating and I was desperate to escape. I lashed out, but I was just too weak and to my utter shame I broke down. I sobbed in his arms. I don't even remember being carried to the bed, but later I woke up covered in a blanket with his arms around me. He was snoring softly, my eyes watered, I wasn't okay and I didn't know if I could ever get back to normal. It felt out of reach, as if something was broken and I couldn't find the pieces to put me back together again. I laid there listening to the silence wishing I could fix it, or go back in time and erase what happened.

* * *

"Hey, no he's sleeping."

I laid still. I hadn't even noticed him getting up, so I listened. I could almost see him pushing his hand through his hair as he answered whoever was on the phone but if I had to guess it would be Bobby.

"Bobby, physically he's getting there. A little weaker than normal, but emotionally…he's a train wreck. Are you sure we should keep…Fine, another week. Sometimes I wonder if it isn't the potion messing with his emotions."

Potion, suddenly one word had all of my focus, I found it difficult to breathe. The damn drink. I barely registered that I was missing part of the conversation. I couldn't let him know I was eavesdropping. I almost held my breath when I realized he was checking up on me. Through willpower alone, I managed to even out my breathing, making him think I was still asleep. As much as it upset me, I needed to find out more.

"Look, consider this a test run. If he passes, we skip the ritual, but if he doesn't, just make sure you're ready. Sure he's more emotional, but Dammit Bobby, wouldn't you be a tad more emotional if that bitch had raped you. I'm not convinced that…"

For a moment I couldn't breath. During my entire recovery, we had just avoided the truth, skip over it, tried to gloss it over. But now I couldn't ignore the elephant in the room, because I was the elephant. It didn't register that I had screwed up again, when I found his arms pulling me into a hug. I clung to him as if my world was shattering into a million pieces. I was damage goods. I don't know how long he held me. I didn't argue when he pushed the drink into my hands. I drank it greedily for the first time, as I really wanted to escape into oblivion. I avoided eye contact, ignored his words but the last thing I remembered was his hand stroking my cheek.

* * *

A/N: I'm trying to learn how to work around my migraines, but some days it just doesn't work. Hoping the next chapter gets out soon, but not making promises. Sort of frustrated right now with my health.

Question: Should I put the story on hold, finish it and then bring it back when I can post regularly or keep doing what I'm doing, post when I can. I believe you should post for the reader but this is a WIP. I know where it's going but writing it down is the key right now and it is changing somewhat as it is created on paper. Some say you shouldn't post until done. I am trying to make myself listen but... So this question is for the readers, what do you want?

For some reason this one is stuck in first person, I'm not really sure why people hate first person stories, but hopefully it's keeping you entertained. As a writer I feel like a kid, even though I'm not longer considered young by any stretch of the imagination. But I do seem to be guilty of being a kid at heart. Thanks for reading and especially thanks for leaving feedback. It helps me grow as a writer and I appreciate your time, I really do.


	13. Obstacles

Chap. 13

**_THEN:_**

_For a moment I couldn't breath. During my entire recovery, we had just avoided the truth, skip over it, tried to gloss it over. But now I couldn't ignore the elephant in the room, because I was the elephant. It didn't register that I had screwed up again, when I found his arms pulling me into a hug. I clung to him as if my world was shattering into a million pieces. I was damage goods. I don't know how long he held me. I didn't argue when he pushed the drink into my hands. I drank it greedily for the first time, as I really wanted to escape into oblivion. I avoided eye contact, ignored his words but the last thing I remembered was his hand stroking my cheek. _

* * *

**NOW:**_  
_

Funny how quickly we reverted back into old patterns of avoidance. Just ignore it and pretend everything was normal. So I did what I did best, I buried it, disregarded it and incorporated the oldest trick in the book - whatever you do, refuse any girly discussions of my emotions, right?

Time passed, I lost track of the days. I just shut the hell up. I utilized the silent treatment. So he quit explaining, quit trying to persuade me to see reason.

Evidently he didn't feel up to talking that much either, funny how great we were at ignoring each other. Neither of us spoke, but that didn't mean he didn't run a tight ship. So we settled into a pattern, a simple routine, until he decided it was time to get the job done. Naturally I caved first, but it didn't mean I had to be nice about it.

Anger consumed me and I didn't have any extra energy left to fight him. So I became the expert of one-word sentences. The only thing that Dad didn't budge on was the potion. Once I thought I had eloquently stated my position by breaking the glass but the next thing I knew I felt drowsy. The ass had poked me in my butt with a shot and I was out like a light. Later I challenged his authority, after all it was my body, I had the right to know, right?

"Look, I get it. When it revolves a case it makes sense to follow. But this time…damn I sound like Sam…He's always accusing me of having blind faith in following you anywhere, in obeying your orders. Normally I don't question you. But, this time it's different you have to see that, why are you forcing that crap down my throat, expecting me never to buck the orders. It's my body; I have a right to know." I squared off and stared him in the eye holding my ground. I had to know. Having to wait for his response didn't exactly thrill me.

"Fine, How about a simple test to prove your independence. Just demonstrate you're ready by walking out the front door without any trouble. You do that once, I'll do things your way; otherwise you follow my orders without any questions. Sounds fair, doesn't it? But if you don't make it, you'll take the damn drink until I say otherwise, clear." He ordered.

"Fine." I felt trapped with only one way out. I didn't stop and think about the consequences I just plowed straight ahead and promptly bulldozed my way through the door, or so I thought. Dad never stated he would play fair or that he wouldn't refrain from being sneaky. In my haste, I didn't really prepare, but the headbutt into my stomach easily settled the matter. Before the whoosh and grunt could be expressed, I was flipped over his shoulder and slung flat on my back on his bed.

I wish I could say I valiantly made a comeback but to my shame I only tried to curl into a fetal position. He finished it off with a needle pressed into my thigh, which ended my struggle faster than I care to remember. The last hazy noise I remember was him declaring, "You're not dying on my watch."

Anger was my only fuel once I woke up. I kept my sentences short and sweet. I fumed. I didn't handle losing with grace and maturity, I resorted to tantrums trying to force him to cave, but to Dad's credit he didn't match my mood back. Gentle and calm were the best words to describe his reactions, but even he had a limit. I poked at every button I knew he possessed but like a gentle Giant he ignored me. I finally had enough and confronted him, physically. Sometimes it was our only common language. So I threw the first punch without any warning.

"Dammit, I need to know. It's my life, what the hell are forcing it down my throat." I seethed.

He rubbed his jaw but didn't engage in any combat. "You really don't want the answer to this question, trust me. Once you open Pandora's box, you can't stuff it back in. Let it go, Dean." His eyes softened, "Son, let it go."

"I can't. For once your need to know doesn't work. Could you if it was happening to you. Please, Dad, you've proved you're stronger than me, but how are you different than the enemy if you use that to bully me into complying with your demands?"

He marched over to me and poked his finger in my chest. "If I could tell you, I would. I wasn't prepared for his hand to grab the back of my neck and forced me to stare up into his eyes. You're. Not. Dying. On my watch. You're my first-born. Hell, its because you're a first born we're in this mess to begin with."

"Dad, talk to me…please Dad, I've got to know. I broke and I couldn't hide the tears threatening to tear me apart in front of my dad. I hated how I couldn't control my feelings. Couldn't remain stoic…Hell no wonder he didn't have any problems ignoring what I wanted.

Mistake number one, never turn your back on the enemy. Mistake number two, not believing Dad couldn't hurt me anymore than I already hurt. "If this was happening to you, you would want to know. I know you wouldn't settle for its for your own good bullshit line…So tell me, I deserve to know, I'm your son!" I honestly believed he would support me, wouldn't really hurt me.

"Dean, this isn't some normal situation. This conversation is over, you hear me."

"Hell no, No!" My hand flew before my brain even recognized the action. I admit I put in a few good punches that had to hurt like a son of a bitch, but he didn't stand down, he stood his ground.

"I need to know, reality can't be worse than my imagination. I have to know…Dad please." Maybe the words got through or maybe it was the simple quiet plea, but finally he answered me.

"Be careful what you wish for. Once I tell you, I can't undo it."

His voice got really soft, and I had to strain to hear the last few words. Funny often you hear little sayings and never get the meaning until you're faced with a real life experience. Six little words with such a deep punch.

"You were a Super-natural's _bitch_. I got there too late and I had to stand by and watch."

"What do you mean you got there too late?" I froze as my back felt like little needles in the back and I clenched my fist.

"Once she planted the eggs, I had to wait for her to remove them or it would have killed you. I'm sorry son, I swore I wouldn't tell you this but you're asking why I won't spill the beans. I can't."

"You can't or you won't."

Instead of answering me, he crossed over and pulled me tight and I suddenly felt trapped.

"Don't. Let me go, damn it, I said let me go."

"Can't Son and this will hurt me more than it hurts you, I promise."

"You son of a…" Darkness claimed me before I could finish my thought.

* * *

I woke up with a killer headache. Dad sat next to me, putting a cloth on my forehead.

"Hey, feel any better?"

"No, I guess not, my head feels like its gonna to explode."

"We've got to get the fever down son, you've been hallucinating. What do you remember?"

"I…God, can't remember much of anything with this killer of a headache. How long have I been sick? What happened?" He helped me to the bathroom, I took care of business and once I was back in bed, I had a drink thrust into my hand.

"Shhh, one answer at a time. Drink this, it helping with fever."

"God, that's bitter."

"Yep, has to taste nasty to help you heal, first rule of medicine, especially one of Bobby's special brews. I'm afraid you'll have to grin and bear it for a few more days."

"I can't keep my eyes open…" Something important nagged at me, but for the life of me I couldn't remember anything other than arriving at the new motel room. "How long?"

"Shh, don't worry about anything, let me handle it. I've got watch, you rest. The best medicine in the world. That's it, sandman's calling you." He carded his fingers through my hair.

I could barely tell what was happening, but music drifted into my mind and I couldn't fight the pull of the drugs anymore. I slept oblivious to the conversation going on around me.

"Bobby, yeah I put the headphones on like you suggested. Yeah it worked, I've bought us some time, the spell will only work for a short time, how many more damn days do we have to keep pumping the damn drug into his system…Fine, the new moon is in four more days. Yeah, act like nothing's happened and hope he doesn't remember…can't imagine why I'm not feeling all that secure right now, Bobby."

"Fine, I know what is at stake…I didn't fix it so Dean wouldn't…Dean's not dying on my watch, you hear me."

Subconsciously I reacted to my Dad's voice cracking, I whispered "Dad." But too many obstacles kept me from waking up, and the support from my Dad's chest lulled me back into oblivion.

* * *

"Feel up to a little hunt?"

"Anything would be better than being stuck here."

"It's an easy hunt; nothing challenging, just like the ones I used to introduce you to hunting as a tyke."

"Funny my shoulder feels better than I thought it would, could swear it's been longer than a day or two for recovery."

"So you're a fast healer. But you'll be careful. Leave the heavy hitting to me."

"Fine, such a worrywart." I smirked trying to lighten the load. I felt I should be asking an important question, but for the life of me I couldn't focus or figure it out. At least I was finally mobile. Granted I wore a brace on my ankle and occasionally a sling on my shoulder when Dad forced me to wear it, but I was healing. I was anxious to get moving to do something normal, hunting.

We both hopped into the truck. Once Dad felt I was back in shape he would disappear on me again. But at least for a few days I could feel alive. The wind on my back and the music in my ears grounded me. Spotting our destination in sight gave me a sense of joy I hadn't felt in a long long time. My dad had my back and finally everything was falling into place. Just a simple salt and burn. What could go wrong?

* * *

A/N: A little faster on the update. Next Chapter most likely will be from John's POV. Struggled a bit with this one, so some feedback would really be helpful...I will say reviews inspire the muse. Posting before I delete the whole chapter. Parts I like, parts ...well I guess that happens in a story, you like some and hate others. If you're willing hit that review button, if not, thanks for reading anyway. :)


	14. Magic Curse

Chap. 14

* * *

_**Then: **_

"_Fine, such a worrywart." I smirked trying to lighten the load. I felt I should ask an important question, but for the life of me I couldn't focus or figure it out. At least I was finally mobile. Granted I wore a brace on my ankle and occasionally a sling on my shoulder when Dad forced me to wear it, but I was healing. I was anxious to get moving to do something normal, hunting._

_We both hopped into the truck. Once Dad felt I was back in shape he would disappear on me again. But at least for a few days I could feel alive. The wind on my back and the music in my ears grounded me. Spotting our destination in sight gave me a sense of joy I hadn't felt in a very long time. My dad had my back and finally everything was falling into place. Just a simple salt and burn. What could go wrong?_

* * *

**NOW:**

Rarely did I ever allow myself to self-indulge in savoring the simple moments of just observing my sons. But for a moment, I did just that. I sat and watched my first-born snooze. At first glance, Dean appeared so peaceful, sort of. I wondered without the aid of the potion, would he look so serene? I rationalized that it was a necessary evil. Otherwise how could I deliberately keep forcing him to drink it even after we had fought?

I had grown accustomed to keeping secrets. At the tender age of four, he didn't need to be burdened with the truth but necessity often interfered with preference. Then Sam left. He walked out and never looked back. In fact, I knew that Dean couldn't handle my suspicions that secretly Sam was happier than he had ever been. I had watched Dean drown and I couldn't reach him. So I did what I thought was in his best interest, I left. Thinking he would bounce back, that he would rise to the challenge, but instead Dean had almost gotten himself killed_._

Then held captive by that bitch. Used, and the implications of that entire fiasco still wasn't clear. Dean's rant, demanding answers, was carefully weighed against the devastation. Would it help or would it paralyze him? Do more harm than good…I loved him too much to cripple him.

So entered my dilemma. The final outcome had to justify my actions. Which solution would provide the best option to shield him, to save him? So with a heavy heart, I performed the spell. I never had a problem, manipulating people to get a specific job done. My scheme required Dean without his consent to volunteer himself as the guinea pig. Life just wasn't fair; this whole situation wasn't fair. I hit the table and Dean moaned but by the time the drug wore off, all decisions would be final.

Little did Dean know that the consequences for challenging my authority would require me to erase his memory of the last twenty-four hours but I never hesitated to be the sentinel especially if it concerned my boys. If I had to be cruel to save him, then so be it.

My imagination must have been running wild as I could have sworn my hands trembled a little as I inserted the needle in the crook of his arm to hide my actions. The hex required blood and a small poke was certainly easier to hide than a cut. I plucked out a few of his hairs, he groaned but didn't stir. He couldn't, the potion wouldn't wear off for a few more hours yet.

I almost stopped, feeling the weight of my actions wondering did Dean realize how dangerously close I was to spilling the beans? I had to man up. He was my son, he needed my protection, mostly he needed me to safeguard him from his own curiosity. In this case the truth wouldn't set him free but cripple him for life. Slowly my resolve increased and I performed the spell mixing my own blood and hair into the mix. I didn't allow myself the easy way out; I cut myself as sort of a reprimand for having to harm my own son. Silent tears rolled down my cheek threatening my resolve as I performed the enchantment, but I didn't stop. Then and only then did I allow myself to sit by his bedside keeping vigil. Soon, I could stop giving him the concoction and so would end any real threat of him remembering the past that the spell had erased from his memory. Finally calming down, I just watched him sleep.

Everywhere I looked I couldn't escape the mirror image of Mary. I don't think even Dean knew how difficult it was for me to spend time with him. He was the constant reminder, her eyes and fire. Nostalgia painted a heavy picture of losing - so many missed opportunities I could have spent with my family instead I had squandered valuable minutes believing I had plenty of time left. My torment might be that I hadn't learned my lesson. Instead of spending precious time with my son, I had deserted him.

I understood my son believed I had abandoned him, allowing the bitch to use him in such a fowl way. How could Dean really believe I didn't love him? Had I been such a lousy father that even that no longer rang true? I would make it up to him somehow. I had to. I couldn't contain my need any longer; I gently grabbed his hand and stroked it.

Some nightmare seemed to be consuming him, so I crawled into bed with him, and pulled him into my arms. He settled and once again seemed peaceful. Funny how I could demonstrate my love when he wasn't really aware, but unable to do so when he was awake. I resolved to change that, but wondered would I really be able to do it?

When Dean showed signs of stirring, I got up and carefully situated him so that he wouldn't know I had held him during his sleep. He would be embarrassed and I could at least permit him his dignity. Anxiously I waited for his reaction, nervous but desperately trying to appear as normal as possible. Sometimes I seem cold when in reality I'm doing everything in my disposal to hide my emotions. He moaned and his hand reached for his forehead. I wished the warm cloth on his brow would ease his headache caused by the spell. My next few words would be important to covering up the curse.

"Hey, feel any better?" I held my breath in anticipation of his response.

"No, I guess not, my head feels like its gonna to explode."

"Finally got the fever down son, you've been hallucinating. What do you remember?" I waited to see if he would accept the subliminal message as his new truth.

"I…God, can't remember much of anything with this killer of a headache. How long have I been sick? What happened?"

Carefully I guided him to the bathroom, waited outside of the door while he took care of business and then tucked him back into bed, completing the spell by thrusting a drink into his hand. "Shhh, one answer at a time. Drink this, can't let the fever get out of control again." Sometimes it scared me how easily I could lie to him.

"God, that's bitter. You don't look so good, you need to rest."

"Later, don't worry about me. That one nasty brew isn't it? First rule of medicine; especially one of Bobby's special concoctions. I'm afraid you'll have to grin and bear it for a few more days."

"I can't keep my eyes open…"

I could tell he paused trying to remember but unable to decipher any of the necessary information, for now the spell was working.

"How long?"

"Shh, don't worry about anything, let me handle it. I've got watch…you rest. The best medicine in the world. That's it, sandman's calling you." I carded my fingers through his hair. Once he settled back into dreamland, I put the headphones on and turned on his favorite music knowing it would obscure any conversation he might overhear.

"Bobby, yeah I put the headphones on like you suggested. Yeah it worked, I've bought us some time, the spell will only work for a short time, how many more damn days do we have to keep pumping the damn drug into his system…Fine, the new moon is in four more days. Yeah, act like nothing's happened and hope he doesn't remember…can't imagine why I'm not feeling all that secure right now, Bobby."

"Fine, I know what is at stake…I didn't fix it so Dean wouldn't…Dean's not dying on my watch, you hear me."

Dean surprised me when he whispered the word "Dad." But too many obstacles kept him from waking up, and I lulled him back into oblivion by stroking his brow. Sometimes physical contact worked miracles and I wasn't above using it in desperate times.

"Feel up to a little hunt?"

"Anything would be better than being stuck here."

"It's an easy hunt; nothing challenging, similar to the first few hunts I took you on when you were a young tyke."

"Funny my shoulder feels better than I thought it would, could've sworn it's been longer than a day or two for recovery. I must have really been out of it, I don't even remember coming to this place."

I froze, wondering if the spell was wearing off, but my mouth responded before I could really think. "So you're a fast healer. But you'll be careful. Leave the heavy hitting to me."

"Fine, such a worrywart." He smirked trying to lighten the load. The ankle brace allowed him to be mobile and he finally didn't really need the sling, but I forced it on him when his independent streak threatened to override his common sense. I had to keep demonstrating I was the boss, even if it meant bullying him a little bit.

We both hopped into the truck.

"A simple salt and burn, just what we both need. What could go wrong?"

_Kiddo you have no idea_, but I kept my mouth shut, hoping against hope that my fears were unjustified. I could easily do the hunt on my own, so if worst came to worst, I would carry him to the truck and finish the hunt. Today I would discover just how much damage the bitch had done to my son. If anything could prove his emotional well being, it would be this hunt. Doubt tugged at my heartstrings, because lately the Winchester luck had been anything but blessed. _Mary, if you can hear me…watch out for our boy_.

* * *

**A/N: **John seemed a bit talkative. Struggled a bit with this one also, so some feedback would really be helpful...I will say reviews inspire the muse. Posting before I delete the whole chapter.

Hoping I captured John. I believe in a hard ass that loves his boys more than anything and unable to show his feelings. Dean has to have enough good moments to overlook the bad, otherwise he would just rail about how awful his father behaves. Yes he overlooks a lot, too. Next chapter should be action based, but of course that means that my muse will cooperate.

On the headache front, trying out new meds, could be migraine is a misdiagnosis - Hemicrania Continua. It's a 24/7 headache which fits better than migraine. Praying the meds work because I want my life back. For those in constant pain, I do understand...maybe it's why one of my chapters was labeled Grin and bear it.

If you're willing hit that review button, if not, thanks for reading anyway. :)


	15. Murphy's Law

**Chap. 15**

**Murphy's Law**

* * *

**_THEN:_**

_"A simple salt and burn, just what we both need. What could go wrong?"_

_Kiddo you have no idea,__ but I kept my mouth shut, hoping against hope that my fears were unjustified. I could easily do the hunt on my own, so if worst came to worst, I would carry him to the truck and finish the hunt. Today I would discover just how much damage the bitch had done to my son. If anything could prove his emotional well being, it would be this hunt. Doubt tugged at my heartstrings, because lately the Winchester luck had been anything but blessed. __**Mary, if you can hear me…watch out for our boy.**_

**NOW:**

It's funny how you can be excited and nervous simultaneously. I couldn't wait to get out of the motel, to be back to normal. I'm a natural hunter, so I hit a snag, it won't happen again and as I told Dad, "What could go wrong?"

Dad stopped the truck and just as my hand clasped the door handle one of the ugliest dogs I've ever seen, and I've seen plenty of ugly dogs, came bursting through the yard and headed straight for my door. I froze. For one split second I froze. I couldn't move, thankfully the door remained shut, as I hadn't opened it. The mangy mutt started yapping at us but all I could see was the damn Black dog slamming into me. Then anger took hold, how dare he do this to me.

"A dog, I thought you said this hunt was a piece of cake, and you didn't bother to mention they had a watchdog?"

"Dean, you have to get back in the saddle. It's just a dog, a normal dog. Nothing supernatural. I've got the dart gun…"

"I can't…I can't do this." I looked away, trying to hide my shame. Then anger reared his head and made me either brave or foolish. "You should know better. Maybe Sam was right," I muttered under my breath.

Silence filled the space but at that exact moment the mangy mutt paws slammed into the passenger door window on my side of all places and nose-to-nose we stared at each other. Only a thin piece of glass separated me from being his next meal ticket. I flashed back and all I could see was the black dog tearing into me, and I must have screamed because I heard the truck peel out and once I regained my voice of reason, the damn dog was chasing us out of the yard.

"He's one smart dog Dean, look we've left his territory and he's just standing guard waiting for us to challenge him again. Hey, Dean you back with me?"

I looked at him, but he recognized it, fear. I was scared and I couldn't hide it. I expected some kind of lecture, but not kindness. Dad didn't do the kid glove treatment, not unless someone was dying. Which scared me more, because suddenly I was being handled with kid gloves and for the first time I wondered, did he think I was dying? Nothing made sense but a damn panic attack chose that moment to make itself known and I couldn't feel any air.

"Damn, I thought flying was the only thing that brought those on. Look at me, Dean breathe, that's it…slow it down. You can do this. Inhale, exhale slowly, that's my boy."

Slowly I regained my equilibrium. But I couldn't stop the tears rolling down my cheek. Dad's thumb rubbed it away, and I felt embarrassed. "Not sure when I turned into such a girl."

"Hey, it happens sometimes, it's okay Dean…you're human. Now look at me. I'm taking care of the dog. This dart gun is for back up. Just in case we get separated and you need it. It's just a dog, Dean. It's too soon for you to go up against a Black Dog, but I've trained you. You could do it, if you had to, but right now we'll pass on them, okay. Sometimes you have to ease into the saddle again."

"What if there's another one. Did you even case the place, did you know about this dog?" I couldn't help it as anger once again reared its ugly head.

"Don't use that tone with me, boy. I can still take you down." Then he softened his voice, "Dean I hadn't had time to really check it out. So no I didn't know there was a dog, but we're prepared. We've got enough to take out six dogs between us. You're not going in alone, I've got your back."

I couldn't help it; I looked down and hid my eyes. A hand on the back of the neck told me I wasn't fooling anyone but at that moment I couldn't care less. I didn't know why I was such a wuss; it wasn't normal. But I hadn't felt normal since this hunt turned sour.

"Think you're ready to face the music. You can do it kiddo. I've got your back, I swear."

"Let's get this over with."

"That's music to my ears."

I watch him put the truck in gear and we moved forward and that damn dog didn't take long to body slam back into my side of the truck once we stopped. I froze but almost jumped when the dog fell down. Dad knelt beside it and talked to the beast as it growled its last attempt before succumbing to the drug. Then he opened my truck door, "Time to regain your equilibrium. Promise it's safe, Dean."

I stepped down and knelt down by the mutt. My hand shook, but I did it. I confirmed that damn dog was out.

"Feel better?"

"Hell no. But let's get it over with. I don't want Murphy's law to show up and prove us both wrong."

"You and me both, kiddo."

Then I relaxed, the hunt turning into familiar territory. I stood guard and Dad dug. He insisted on it. I had argued that something physical would keep my mind occupied but he insisted.

I just didn't expect the damn Ghost to create more obstacles for our simple hunt, a hunt that got complicated without any warning. Murphy's law once again shared its name with the Winchester luck. "Dad, hurry up."

The damn ghost smirked; one ugly smile and I didn't expect it to latch onto my arm. I tugged trying to break free and I even threw the salt but nothing happened. Well nothing normal. Instead of the ghost disappearing I felt myself being drawn forward and my entire body shimmered. I thought at first it was some trick being played on my eyes. My arm wasn't solid and cold was seeping through my bones. Then the breath was knocked out me and I was thrown backwards. A gunshot and the ghost disappeared. I wasn't prepared for Dad's reaction though.

"Sorry kiddo but you just got grounded."

In slow motion I was slung over his shoulder as I fought to get my breathing back under control. Then he tossed me in the truck. But the snap of the cuffs to the steering wheel finally got my mouth moving.

"Dad, what the hell?"

"You can't help. I'm finishing this hunt on my own then we'll go back to the motel and figure out what's going on. But either way, you're staying safe. No more hunting not until I can figure this out. I will son, trust me. Bobby and I will figure this out."

I struggled with the cuff. Had my Dad just lost his mind? "Dad uncuff me. Let me go damn it."

"Nah, you're grounded." His hand grasped my shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "I won't be long, I promise. You better be where I left you, you hear me?"

I caved. I don't know why, but I stopped trying to break free. He left but then I watched the damn mutt open one eye. The damn thing was waking up and Dad didn't know. I had to get out of the truck. I had to; I couldn't watch my Dad being eaten alive in front of me. I had to escape the stupid cuffs, I was a Winchester…I could do this. But how, I needed a paper clip or something. I screamed until I thought I would pass out. "Please someone help me save my dad. Please." Dread filled my gut; I had to snap out of it. Somehow I had to escape before that mangy mutt made a meal ticket out of my dad. Then I spied it, a paper clip, near my left foot. I attempted to reach with my hand but it was out of reach. Would God be so cruel to show me a way out, only to stop me cold because I couldn't reach it? Not if I had any say so in the matter, somehow that damn paperclip would help me to escape.

* * *

**A/N:** A little short but hopefully it will help me to post faster. Evil cliffie I know. This chapter changed, so hopefully the story will flow faster now. Do you like?


	16. Regrets 2nd Verse

Chap. 16

* * *

_**THEN:**_

_"Please someone help me save my dad. Please." Dread filled my gut; I had to snap out of it. Somehow I needed to escape before that mangy mutt made a meal ticket out of my dad. Then I spied a paper clip, near my left foot. I attempted to grab it with my hand but it was out of reach. God wouldn't be so cruel to show me a way out, only to stop me cold because I couldn't snatch it? Not if I had anything to say in the matter, somehow that damn paperclip would set me free._

**NOW:**

First, I slipped my boot off, not an easy feat, but I was Winchester, after all. Using my toes, I finally latched on to the paperclip. Once I had it in my hand, the rest was a breeze. Finally free, I searched for the dog. I tapped the tranq gun one more time. Now I was ready to spring into action and check on Dad. Just one tiny-weenie itsy bitsy problem, I had no clue how that mangy mutt had vanished in the time I had gotten free. Twice the insane dog had attacked my side of the truck, so I steeled myself for action, I could do this, right?

I didn't expect silence, nothing happened. So I ran back into the grave to warn Dad. Instead I was greeted with a newly dug out grave but no sign of my dad. For a moment I was stumped, then I spotted the house. Funny how in one split second, I was reminded of Bobby's home. _Focus, Dean, focus_…I scolded myself.

I dimly recalled Dad talking about needing me to find a locket. The guy was married and something about hair to seal the union. I rounded the corner and ran upstairs. I found Dad collapsed on top of a broken nightstand. My hand shook as I felt for his pulse, and was rewarded with a strong beat under my fingertips. As much as I wanted to fix my Dad, I knew time was of the essence to find the locket and burn the hair before anyone could be safe. As quick as possible, I made him comfortable as I could without wasting too much time.

So I searched, I'm a good hunter and it was time like I acted like it. My Dad's confrontation with the damn ghost hadn't ended well; it was up to me to fix it. It had to be around here somewhere. Then a glint of sliver caught my eye; finally something was going right for a change. I reached for it when a tingle shivered down my spine. My only forewarning before I was thrown against the wall. For a moment I was stunned. Frozen in place, until by sheer willpower I managed to stand even though everything floated in and out of focus. I raced for the salt as fast as my wobbly gait could carry me. But before I could do any permanent damage, the ghost tossed me over the bed and I crumpled as soon as I hit the wall. Like a slow motion video, I watched in fascination as his arm slithered around my neck and my body shimmered. Once again I felt weird, cold and immobilized.

"Mine." He whispered in my ear.

I shivered and couldn't understand why my body appeared transparent.

"Dammit Dean, I told you to stay put in the truck."

Dad's voice filled me dread and relief at the same time. Dad was pissed to say the least, and I couldn't say I blamed him. I found my tongue and tried to explain, "The dog, it disappeared, I had to warn you."

I anticipated the ghost tossing me around, waited for my skull to hit a wall, but not for it to latch on tighter until I had trouble breathing. So when Dad's hand slapped my cheek, I tried to hide my confusion. But my mouth engaged before my brain could catch up and I whispered, "Dad".

"Next time when I tell you to stay in the truck, you follow orders. You hear me." Dad ordered. "You're a mess."

"Where's the ghost?"

"Left in a flame of smoke. Glad you found the locket. Now let's get you out of here."

It should have been over, except for the scolding but neither of us was prepared for what happened next.

"Jeremy, you've come home. Thank God, I've been waiting for you." She glared at my father, "Don't you dare harm my son!"

I felt out of sorts and observed my Dad flying through the air. He landed with a loud thump. I still couldn't move. Then she pulled me close and I couldn't even tell her off properly.

"It's alright baby, no one is ever hurting you again. I shouldn't have let you go. Now, that you've returned to me, I'll never leave your side, again."

_Where did our simple little hunt go? It was supposed to be a simple salt and burn. I remember the old man, but the wife was still alive…damn did our timing suck, so she died during the job. Great…shouldn't she be toast by now? Dad, come on… where are you? _

Then my nose was shoved into her breasts or it would be breasts if she were alive.

"What's happening?" I mumbled.

"Shhh, mommy's here now baby."

Then I found myself sort of floating and jammed inside a box. A shawl covered my body and she kissed my forehead.

"Not a sound until I tell you it is safe. I'll come back for you soon, I promise."

Visions of being buried alive filled me with dread and I couldn't suppress my first scream when she covered the box with a lid. I managed to stifle the second scream, but just barely. Then I heard it, a growl. The dog, he had come back. I was immobilized and effectively taken out of the game and even worse unable to aid my dad. I struggled but was powerless to escape the trap.

_Great now I'm going to be dessert. Can my day get any worse? Why is it that I seem to be stuck playing the damsel in distress? Move damn it. Dad's outnumbered. You've got to help him; now…no don't think about being stuck inside a stupid coffin. Move arm; move. Can't let the crazy lady hurt my Dad…please someone help me…please!_

Whoosh, the sound confused me.

"Dean, where are you. Answer me boy. Dean!" My dad commanded.

"Dad," I whispered desperately I wanted to obey, " Here, I'm here."

Then I heard a screech and a howl. In my mind's eye I could see myself defending dad and escaping, but reality showed it's ugly head and being paralyzed sucked big time. But I couldn't help the sigh of relief when the lid opened and I could stare into my father's eyes.

"Dad how did you?"

"Shh, I'm getting you out of here. Next time I tell you to stay in the truck, you're ass better be glued to the bench seat, you hear me?

"I had to save you."

"Yeah, I can see that… cause you did such a banged up job."

I was too anxious to feel the insult. "Dad, what the hell, why can't I move?"

Worried eyes scrutinized me and I realized I wasn't the only one covering up his emotions.

"Dad, What the hell is going on? Please tell me you know what's going on?"

"Time for a change of scenery. Okay, let me know if this hurts."

I felt his arms slip under my shoulders and legs and with a grunt he hauled me out of the damn coffin. I guess I had missed him burning up the shawl because it no longer covered me. "Where's the dog?"

"Sleeping, I managed to tranq him before he did too much damage."

That's when I noticed my dad's shoulder was bloody. "You're hurt." _Stupid Dean, really stupid, captain obvious._ "How bad?" I tried to cover up my foot in the mouth disease with something intelligent but it still sounded dumb to my ears. Dad gave the standard Winchester answer trying to make me feel a little better.

"Just a scratch, hurts a bit but I've got bigger problems, namely figuring out what happened. Any feeling coming back at all?"

"No," Then a door was being shut as he hurried around to the driver's side. I couldn't stay awake, I didn't expect to fall asleep the minute I heard the engine start, but I didn't even stir when he got me back into the motel.

"Bobby, damn it, you're right. He's a damn magnet for any supernatural activity; he's also paralyzed. How did you know? Why can't we get a break? Are you sure this cure will work? I barely got him out."

"John, calm down. It's his best shot. I've found a place; here's the coordinate, haul ass. John as hard as it's going to be; the less Dean knows the better."

"Fine, we'll do it your way for once, but he better improve, you hear me?"

"Look, it's going to be a few difficult weeks for both of us."

"Dammit, Why do I think I'm going to regret this? I hate flying blind, especially with…he's all I got left, I can't loose him too. I can't."

"Snap out of it, and just haul ass. I'm waiting…Cause damn it John, you son of a bitch, I can't lose him either…so get here as fast as you can…"

* * *

**A/N:** Okay simple hunt is over, posting cause I need to make myself move on…not sure the rewrites have helped…hopefully it wasn't too fast or confusing. Yep, I'm wicked, because what the hell is wrong with Dean? Next chapter a walk on the weird side…*insert evil laugh*.

I'm still dealing with health issues but hoping to start writing a bit each night. Trying to just write for me, even if I don't get reviews. For those that read thank you, for those that review…hugs cause it does spur me into action.

Kinda got mixed feelings about Season 7, I love 'Season 1 Dean',who loved hunting and his wicked sense of humor. I don't know if I'm capturing it well or not, but I wanted to write a story based on a simpler time. So I would love to hear from you if you're willing. Hopefully you enjoyed it! :) Posting before I decide it's not good enough to share.


	17. Did Someone say Tower?

**THEN:**

* * *

"Fine, we'll do it your way for once, but he better improve, you hear me?"

"Look, it's going to be a few difficult weeks for both of us."

"Dammit, Why do I think I'm going to regret this? I hate flying blind, especially with…he's all I got left, I can't loose him too. I can't."

"Snap out of it, and just haul ass. I'm waiting…Cause damn it John, you son of a bitch, I can't lose him either…so get here as fast as you can…"

* * *

**NOW:**

Dean's color had returned to normal, but I couldn't calm myself down after the close call. Finding my son buried in a coffin, hadn't lowered my blood pressure any. Stupid, how had I been so careless? If I had dug a little deeper, I would have recognized the similarities in Dean and their dead son. I had just assumed once I took care of the father, everything would revert back to normal. While searching for Dean, I stumbled on a family photo and for a moment I forgot to breathe. I couldn't fathom why they had my boy in their family photo until I confirmed the fact it wasn't my Dean but a boy named Jeremy. They could have been twins. My search turned frantic, I had to find him. Then my wish was granted and I almost lost it.

I hadn't anticipated her dying in the middle of the job, so much for a simple salt and burn. The damn guard dog was in my way. Now my only option meant killing an innocent dog. I just didn't have any more darts. Worse, time was running out. I tried to console myself that it was better than letting the animal starve to death, besides if I had to choose between my son or a dog, my son would win every time.

"Why couldn't you just leave us in peace. My boy finally comes home and your filthy presence ruins our homecoming. I won't have it. I won't."

The battleground was launched and to be honest, her feelings never even entered into the equation. I ignored the bitch and focused on the dog as it launched at me and I rolled as he knocked me to the ground. He was snarling and for a moment the pain overwhelmed me. But I was a marine and no one was stealing my son away from me, not without a fight anyway. I'm not even sure how I managed it but I grasped the gun with my good hand and I slammed it into the mutt's head. Then before I could sensor any of my actions, I pulled the trigger and the bullets hit their mark. The dog whimpered but then grew still.

"How dare you harm Axe! He was just doing his job protecting our family. He hasn't done anything to you that you didn't deserve. You invaded my home and tried to kidnap my son, but now he is safe beyond your reach. You'll never find him. You'll never take Jeremy away from me!"

She screeched and rushed forward, I didn't hesitate, I threw the salt and she

vanished. I hurried to her bedroom and sure enough her body laid still. I didn't hesitate; I burned her ass. Another time I might have felt pity or even ashamed, but I had more important matters to finish.

I had to find Dean. Then I heard a feeble sound and in that one split second nothing else mattered. Time slowed down as I narrowed my focus and honed into the scent of my son. It was almost like an out of body experience; on instinct alone I followed the trail. Normally I would have dismissed the thought, as it was too simple to be the answer but the urge to check out the hope chest at the foot of her bed, was too ingrained for me to ignore. I took a deep breath trying to make sense of the whole picture and ignored the flames on her bed as I tried to open the chest. It was locked, but I didn't care about maintaining its beauty. I slammed the butt of my gun against the lock and presto; it was opened. The image scared me more than I would ever admit to myself. I grabbed the shawl that covered him and threw it into the blaze. For one split moment the flames dancing in front of my eyes mesmerized me, but once the threat was neutralized, I rushed toward Dean.

Relief flooded me when dean appeared more solid. Although I was a bit clumsy, I managed to pull him into a fireman's carry. My shoulder was screaming bloody murder, but I ignored it. Time slowed as once again I rescued someone from a fire. I grew weak in the knees when I sort of dropped him into the passenger seat, but everything else was a blur. What mattered most, I got us out of there and then in a panic, I called Bobby. Funny how he calmed me down enough to escape and I managed to focus on the coordinates, barely. But with a goal stabilizing my clouded judgment, I finally could function. I could get my paralyzed son to safety. He might hate me, but he would be alive. I no longer cared about his feelings. Everything became crystal clear, only one purpose was acceptable, a simple rule, do whatever it took to keep my boy alive.

* * *

Funny, now that we were at the destination, I hesitated. How on earth could this work? If I didn't know that monsters were real I would be running in the opposite direction and claiming that the cure was nothing more than some fucking fairy tale. Rapunzel stuck in a damn tower…how could that fairy tale involve my son. First duty to convince Dean that he was trapped in a tower. We didn't know if it would work, but we didn't have six months to lock him away, never mind the real obstacles in locking him away in a real tower to begin with. He would be dead before the cure would even have a chance to work. So our best option, only option left would be to make him believe and hope it worked.

He stirred a little when I cradled him in my arms. Despite the pain I was experiencing, it melted away once I realized how much weight my boy had lost

"Dad, put me down on the couch, you need to get that shoulder looked at."

"First, let's get you settled." I stood at the bottom of the enormous staircase and watched Dean gulp a bit of air when he realized I wasn't following his suggestion.

"Dad, stop you need to rest, God, how many floors does this building have? Put me down, I'm not some damsel in distress. I can help. Dad…please."

I ignored his pleas and focused on the goal, the final destination. As the stairway narrowed and became a spiraling flight of steps, I finally managed to let hope stir within my heart, that we had the time, I wasn't too late.

"Dad, I'm not a baby…damn it Dad, stop and listen to me."

Neither of us said a word as I crossed the threshold into his new cage. I almost dropped him as the weight of the world slammed onto my shoulders. Then I tried to smile through the tears that threatened to flood my eyes. I blinked furiously and forced myself to calm my voice. Now was the moment of truth, would Dean believe I would imprison him in a tower.

"Dad, what the hell?"

"Hey, sport, the time will pass quickly. Before you know it, you'll be up and about."

"Dad, where…where am I? Please, I don't like this place, why can't I move?"

"Hey, look at me, You'll be out of here before you know it." I couldn't hide the tremble in my hand as I set about the final tasks before I would walk out a door and leave him stranded all alone in a strange place paralyzed and unable to escape his prison.

"Dad, something's wrong. I can't move."

"I know." I watched the hurt in his eyes as I prepared him for the tubes that would keep him alive. "Look, if it wasn't necessary, I would have you on the road in a heartbeat." I placed my good hand on his cheek and soaked in the love and trust as he leaned into my hand. His next question cut me to the core, I couldn't cave no matter how much I wanted to grab him and run.

"Why?"

"Look, you've been trained for this."

_Don't break, don't break... you can't tell him...avoid the truth at all cost; you can do this! _

The conversation in my head and the conversation with my son happen simultaneously and without breaking a beat, he never knew how close I was to collapsing and spilling the beans. I watched him close his eyes as a single tear escaped and he tried to turn away.

"None of that, I love you." It escaped before I could clamp down on my emotions. "Look, I'll be back to check on you in a couple of days…if it wasn't necessary I wouldn't leave you alone, Bobby's on his way.

"Am I dying?"

"NO!"

"Good…I'm good…hurry back, this place creeps me out. I feel like I'm stuck in some kind of Disney cartoon. If I didn't know any better I would think the walls were closing in. I lost count of how high up I am."

"Good thing you can't look out the one window." I hated it but I reinforced the idea that he was stuck in some type of tower. "If I didn't know any better, I would think some witch had you spellbound in a tower hidden away from civilization, waiting for some handsome prince to rescue you. Good thing you're a guy and not a girl."

"Sammy would be embarrassed if he knew how many times I had to read some of those fairy tales over and over."

Now the elephant in the room had joined us, I couldn't speak for a moment. "Okay, the sooner I get out of here, the sooner I can get back. This will help you sleep for a bit, you need to rest."

"Can you wait until I'm out before you leave…I just…"

"Shh, close you're eyes, that's it…now dream your playing ball, and I'm watching you run."

"Thanks."

I waited until his breathing evened out and then I hastily left him. I did one last sweep making sure the illusion of being trapped in a stone tower was complete. I left him and joined Bobby.

"Okay, step one complete. You've directed his imagination. We can keep an eye on him from here. He'll see a stone wall and the glass will let us monitor him, Next step, make him think a couple of hours has been a day."

"Good thing I know him inside out, don't worry, he'll believe it's been days.

* * *

Below is an **A/N:** you can skip it is you hate those, just an explanation of how I came up with the story and why it is taking me so long to update.

* * *

**A/N:** After I watched Tangled, I had a creepy image of Dean locked in a tower. So in a weird way that image started this little tale. I don't have a beta so I do let the chapter sit for a bit and try to find all the errors I can. I've been told I'm dyslexic? But it didn't exist when I went to school so I don't really care about the label but it might explain why I keep making the same mistakes over and over. I do use spell check and a dictionary trying to catch the flaws. If my writing bugs you too much you'll stop reading it and I understand.

Second my health took a nosedive. It is interfering with my ability to focus and write. I may write a story to deal with it, knowing very few will read it. I'm trying to find some natural cures to help but for now I have to do the meds and it isn't really that successful sometimes.

I find that having a high tolerance to pain isn't a good thing, because when I feel a little out of whack it is never something little. I'm not dying and there are people with much worse health problems than I have. It is just getting me out of sorts and my feelings are out of whack. Having faith that I can write is difficult which makes me slow down even more. Hopefully now that the hardest time is over in my job, I will have a bit more free time. So your reviews can help me focus. Not demanding reviews, but if you want to spur me on, leave me with your thoughts. Honest thoughts are fine, even ones that point out errors. Just don't be mean about it. Thanks.


	18. Illusion and Nightmares

**Chap. 18** – Illusions & Nightmares

I waited until his breathing evened out and then I hastily left him. I did one last sweep making sure the illusion of being trapped in a stone tower was complete and joined Bobby.

"Okay, step one complete. You've directed his imagination. We can keep an eye on him from here. He'll see a stone wall and the glass will let us monitor him, Next step, make him think a couple of hours has been a day."

"Good thing I know him inside out, don't worry, he'll believe it's been days.

* * *

"Damn it Bobby, why am I going along with this asinine plan. He's not getting any better, how in the hell do you believe this will cure him?"

"John, simmer down. First, you did the test, yourself. Do you know anyone else that has gone transparent just because they were near a Ghost? How about the fact he's still paralyzed. Never mind that he's having damn nightmares of that monster you killed. Any of this ringing any bells?"

"We have to find another way. Hell, it doesn't make any sense to me and I deal with killing the supernatural. I know Ghost are real!"

"John, look whether you like it or not, he's the chosen one. He's your firstborn, but from every source I've got it's bigger than that. He matches the description of 'The Chosen One'. He's got green eyes and he puts anyone else about his own hide. If I didn't know better, he's a spiting image of the first prince that the King sacrificed. I won't lie, the King was required to do some awful things to his son and from everything I've discovered we have to match the pattern or make Dean feel we're matching the pattern in order to…"

"I'm not killing Dean!" I almost turned away from Bobby's shocked and hurt expression but I was a stubborn bastard and I held my ground.

"Damn it…you think I would ask you to do that? I love that boy like my own son. I know he's yours, but I love him John. I'm not going to stand by and watch him die a painful death. So we have limited options to save his life! Is anything I'm saying getting through that thick skull of yours?"

How do the hell do I know this book will really work. I mean I open the pages and all I see is blank pages. You're the only one that can read it, so how…"

"Do you trust me?"

I watched him turn around and clinch his fist. I knew I was crossing the line, but I didn't care it was my son we were discussing. " You tell me the story of the King locking his son away in a tower for a year. Not six months, a year. Then he killed him by stabbing him in the heart and spouted some sick, line that his life would not be in vain, that no other son would have to die to protect the land…He had to prove he loved his son more than anything else in the world. What have I done lately to prove I've loved my son?"

"Fine, let's get this out in the open. Do you trust me to help you save Dean's life? Well, do you?"

I turned away; I couldn't face him and let my guard down at the same time. "I'm scared Bobby…You're asking me to have faith and I don't have any faith left. I lost that when Mary died. Hell you're right! I drove Sam away; I practically pushed him out the door. I couldn't stand the mess I made so I did what I do best; I buried myself into a hunt and abandoned my only loyal son left. I deserted him when he needed me most." I couldn't bare the silence but finally Bobby whispered a response back.

"Don't you think I'm not asking the same questions? Why Dean from the entire list of first-born sons in the world, why on earth does it have to be him? He matches the list of qualities John. He's loyal, brave, self-sacrificing and physically he matches the first prince's appearance to the letter. I wish I couldn't read the book. But the fact that I can makes me Wise One or Wizard. You're the domineering Father. So now we just have to fulfill the rest of the positions to save Dean's life. This one is personal, for both of us. More importantly from everything I can find, this is bigger than just one family, the threat is real for earth as well."

"Like aliens are invading our space. Excuse me for not believing!"

"I get it, I do…but you already ignored my advice once. Do I have to remind you of the disaster? Hell you made it worse by not listening. You had to take him on a hunt to prove me wrong and instead proved the opposite. So if you're so damn determined to kill him, do it now and be quick about it. What weapon will satisfy your impatient impulses? However, if you're going to kill him, be merciful and quick so he doesn't suffer."

"I'm not killing him…please Bobby, I need to save him…if I don't…why on earth am I still here?"

"Good, you do have some sense…we have options, but we have to find the companions to fulfill this quest. For John it is a quest, like in the old days. Dean has to stay ignorant of everything. For once it will be a blessing that he blindly follows your orders."

"So you're saying that bitch did more than just rape my son?"

"The minute that bitch kidnapped Dean, his life was altered forever."

"So why a tower, this seems to insane even for me, does your book explain that at least?"

"All I can say is that all great leaders have had moments of solitude, and it was part of the peace offering. The story is older than the Greek mythology. Echidna isn't right but maybe on the right track. She was considered half woman, half snake. The text makes mentions invaders over and over again. I can pick up the words serpent or reptile but not enough details to satisfy your hunger for information. I'm flying a little blind here too. But I believe the more we follow the first pattern that is our best chance of saving Dean."

"Did the book explain how to kill her, how did you find that out?"

"Yeah, it's in here and it worked…so if this being locked up in a tower works, he will be able to move. The first sign will be his toes and fingers. He'll be weak and need to be protected during the time we prepare him for the ceremony. Then we have to have the five positions filled: Wizard, King, Priest, Guardian and the sacrifice. We have four figured out. As much as I hate it, I'm the Wizard; I can read the book. Jim's willing to be the priest. Dean is the sacrifice and you're the King. So that leaves one more person. The guardian. He has to be willing to sacrifice his lifeblood and must be older than Dean. In history according to the legend, it was his brother. Their bond was tight like Dean and Sam. He was six years older. So that gives us an age range to find someone."

"Caleb."

"You keep saying that. But he barely knows Dean."

"My gut is screaming his name, I don't know why, but he is fond of Dean. We just have to force them to spend some time together, hence the bonding before the ceremony…right?" I can hear Dean screaming. "Damn it, another nightmare. Tell me I can go in there, he's having them too often."

"It's only been a few hours."

"I don't care, I'm going in. You make it work…if you're the Wizard…you make it work. And if you ask me to kill Dean to save the world, know I'll ripe your heart out before I'll do that!"

* * *

I hated how much I knew now. I never knew that being ignorant could be a blessing. Observing my son in a nightmare, made my blood boil. I couldn't remove the mask; his breathing was still too shallow requiring assistance. How Bobby had gotten everything we needed, I hadn't asked. But between the two of us, we had him as comfortable as possible. At first my hand shook as I touched his face. He leaned into my touch and whimpered, "no…not again."

I grabbed his hand and my thumb rubbed over his thumb and forefinger. He seemed to relax and his breathing deepened. He didn't stir so I waited until he appeared calm before I left him again. I check the tubes and meds and I left waiting for word that I could really wake him from his current nightmare.

I was startled when I heard Bobby's voice once I closed the door to Dean's prison.

"It's going to be okay, we'll figure this out. I know this is hard but my gut is screaming this will work and I can't ignore it. You've got to trust me a little longer."

I nodded; I didn't even have the energy left to argue. I was scared to death that I was going to lose my son and my greatest fear that Dean honestly believed I only needed him to be a hunting partner, that I didn't really love him. Did he know I loved him more than anything? Somehow, I had to show him, I just prayed I had time to make it right. I didn't know how to pray. Mary was better at that kind of stuff. I fell to my knees and sobbed. I begged more than I prayed, but something stirred inside of me as I promised myself I would somehow get Dean to believe I loved him.

* * *

"I think his time for suffering is almost over. He believes he's been locked up for about eight weeks, right. Maybe it's enough. The nightmares are a good sign. The difference for Dean has that he has already been raped, so that means he's been accepted as a chosen one. So perhaps we can condense time so to speak."

I watched him stumble over the words and finally I let him off the hook. "Bobby, that sounds weak even to me."

"His vitals have to improve. He has to be able to breath on his own without any assistance and he has to be able to move. Until he can do those things, nothing changes."

I watched the clock. Talk about torture, I never liked feeling helpless. I couldn't even research anymore. I couldn't find anything to back up Bobby's theory. We were running blind on this hunt and I couldn't risk harming Dean anymore. My stubborn pride had only debilitated my son. It was time I faced the bitter music. I did trust Bobby. I felt a bit of jealousy over their relationship. It was easier for them, and I couldn't remember when Dean and I had really laughed about anything. I would give up my life before I killed my son. No other solution would be acceptable. So lost in my thoughts I almost missed Bobby's voice.

"It's time. You can see him. Try to get him to move his toes or fingers. I just need a sign."

I nodded and I hesitated before I stepped inside. Dean's green eyes focused on me once I closed the door. Good he was aware, that was a good sign, right?

"Hey…you're back. How long, I can't remember how long it's been?"

I took a risk, "Over ten weeks. Sorry I couldn't wake you up last time."

"I've been here 11 weeks? Damn, this place gives me the creeps. Please don't leave me here again. I'll be good, I'll do anything you want, just don't leave me here."

I rushed to his side and grabbed his good hand. "Feel that?"

He nodded and licked his lips. "Please dad, I can't stay here anymore. Please even if you have to carry me out, don't leave me here."

I took the cool cloth and rubbed it over his forehead. "It's not safe for you to leave yet. You have to get better. I need you well. When you can move your toes or fingers, we'll talk about you leaving. But for your own good, you're stuck here until then."

"It's been 11 weeks, how long do you expect me to be trapped here alone."

"As long as it takes. I made a mistake before. I wouldn't listen and you've paid the price. You've paid enough."

"You killed her, right dad. I mean she isn't hanging around, right?"

"She's dead and I won't let her near you again."

"She keeps saying…"

"What Dean."

"Nothing. I want out of here. Don't leave me here. I'd crawl out of here if I could. I'll do anything you want, just don't leave me here again."

I couldn't tell him how much I wanted to scoop him up in my arms and run out the door. The door he couldn't see. But I held my ground, begging for a sign any sign that the end was in sight. I wasn't prepared for him to latch on to my hand. "Dean, you did it," I couldn't help the excitement. "Can you move your toes?"

Nothing, the disappointment was overwhelming on both of our faces. "You need to rest." I felt like a cruel master as I checked all of the tubes.

"The nurse that feeds me, why don't I remember her?"

"Look, hopefully I'll have you out of here soon. I can't take you with me, not in your condition. I'll be back in one week." I forced myself to remain stoic and not give an inch in facial expressions.

"Don't leave. Dad I know I failed, I know you need to punish me, but stay with me. I can't be alone anymore. Please…tell me what to say or do and I'll do it. Don't leave me here…I know I'm being a wimp but I can't do it. I'll die…I don't want to die here."

I kept my back turned and each work felt like a slap to my face. I couldn't believe how harsh I sounded. "Then move your Goddamn feet. That's an order." I turned keeping up appearances that I was angry. I couldn't give in not now. I felt it, if I caved I would lose him and I couldn't let that happened.

I watched Dean turn his head away as tears ran down his cheeks. "I can't."

"Fine, focus on moving those feet. Just your toes." I squeezed his shoulder. "I love you Dean. Remember that. I'll be back in one week."

At first he didn't say anything but finally he whispered, "You promise?"

"I promise." I made sure he heard it. I couldn't help it, I caved whether it was in his best interest or not. I grabbed his hand. "Not leaving until you're asleep. Rest and the week will pass by faster than you can say Jack Robinson." I smiled when I heard my son's voice join me in the name.

I almost hit the wall after I left him. Bobby didn't look happy but I couldn't help it. "He moved his hand. Not his toes, but he moved his hand. It has to mean something."

I think your improvisation with time may have changed the time line. But it will be a real week before you go back in there.

No.

Look, you set it up. So now we have to do it. I think after a real week passes, he might be able to walk out. But we won't know not until we see how he reacts. So you will stay out for one real week.

Time crawled to a halt that week. Finally I only had a few hours to wait. Dean was screaming and crying. Begging for the Bitch to leave him alone. I couldn't help it I cried. I hated waiting, but I prayed that when I finally was allowed to go in, he could move again.

I entered unsure of what to expect. Dean looked at me but didn't react. It was as if he didn't believe I was there. That the nightmare he had been living over the last week was more powerful than my presence. "Hey, I'm back…week's up. That's good news, right?" Dean didn't speak but ignored me.

"Hey, look at me."

"Just get it over with. You hate me I get it. The least you could do is slit my throat instead of leaving me trapped in this damn tower."

"Done feeling sorry for yourself?"

"Sorry."

I wasn't fooled at all. He didn't mean it and I wondered if he could hear how loud my heart was pounding in my ears. I could barely force myself to do it, but I did. "Why don't you show me you can move you're toes and quit complaining about being pampered like a little girl!"

I could see the anger rise off him. "Fine" and neither of us realized at first that he had done just that.

I almost stopped breathing and could barely whisper, "Dean do it again."

"Do what again?"

"Move your toes, son…Do it again. I saw them move."

I froze as he wiggled his toes. The laughter that bubbled out of my mouth I couldn't stop. "Again…do it again."

"Dad, you promised, please tell me you're getting me out of this hell hole."

"I sure am. Today." I hated that I couldn't demonstrate that he hadn't been alone ever, but I couldn't risk it.

"Please tell me that nurse was at least pretty. Guess I finally get to meet her?"

I ignored the question and started unhooking the tubes so I could carry my son out of this place. "I'm afraid you're stuck with me for now." In almost no time at all he was ready for transport. Dean was drowsy when I finally lifted him into my arms to carry him out of his nightmare.

"Sorry, can't keep my eyes open…don't know why I'm so sleepy? If you ever trapped me in a damn tower again, I'm going to knock your block off."

"That's my boy." I smiled as he snuggled a little closer and for the first time fear let go of it's death grip of my heart. He looked so young, so vulnerable and even though he had lost a lot of weight, he was far from being a lightweight. But I didn't mind the struggle of carrying him out.

"I'll finish cleaning up here, you get him to the cabin. Here he looks cold."

I waited as Bobby gently covered him with a blanket even though I was impatient to get him out of this awful place, "Thanks Bobby, he's going to be okay. We'll help him through it. He'll be up and walking in no time."

"I hope so, John. Now get out of here before he wakes up and sees this was just a house."

I pulled out and took off. I glanced at my son and smiled. He would be pampered and fussed over whether he liked it or not. I needed to make up for the misery I had caused him. Twenty-four days had never crawled by so slow. It had felt like a lifetime. I enjoyed the drive, clearing my head. Finally something was going our way.

* * *

I had gotten almost everything unpacked when Dean stirred. I rushed to his side not wanting him to wake up alone. I hated that I had been forced to drug him one last time, but that was finally over. He had a drip of some fluids but once he started eating on his own that would be removed as well.

"Dad"

"Hey, right here. You sound like a frog. Can you drink this for me?"

I helped him sit up and he sipped the water with disgust.

"Couldn't you have gotten me a beer?"

"No, you need fluids."

"What I need is a shower. Help me up."

"Afraid not, kiddo. I'll make a bath." I laughed at the strangled look he gave me and watched him sputter in disbelief."

"You're not…I'm too old to…I'm taking a shower."

"I guess payback is a bitch. All those times you teased your brother. Just relax Princess, I'll have you cleaned up before you can say…"

"Jack Robinson."

I watched him complain the entire time I carried him to the tub. He groused about the temperature, that he couldn't move his arms, and then he finally cried. I held him to my chest while he let out all of his mixed up emotions. Making sure he was settled, I efficiently got my boy cleaned up. His silence demonstrating how shocked he felt. I decided it was time I acted like his father and filled the quiet with my voice, even though I was rambling a bit.

"You know, I use to give you a bath and change your diapers." I scrubbed his hair. "Looks like it almost time for a haircut. Your hair is almost as long as Sam's. I know I didn't take good care of you before. I really lost my temper when Sam decided to leave. I should have helped you dealt with his leaving a little better. Instead of focusing on helping you through with the lost, I drove you away. Not leaving again. I'm not sure I know how to do this right, but you're stuck with me for however long it takes." I rinsed his hair out, finally satisfied with the results. "You look better. Now let's get you out of here. I know this sucks, but you're a Winchester and you'll handle this." I set him on the closed toilet seat. He blushed and looked down. "Before you know it, you'll be back to doing everything for yourself. But for the next few days, I'm here…so get over it. I dressed him in a t-shirt and sweat pants.

"Can I try to walk?"

"Let's see if you can stand first." I pulled him upright and hugged him close to my chest. For a moment, I didn't even try to move. I held him tight, needing the contact, and then I rotated him so he leaned against my chest. "Okay, let's see if you can do this."

"I hate this."

I watched him cautiously take a tentative step, but he faltered, as he just hadn't regained his strength back. "Hey, It's too soon. You'll be up and about before you know it." I figured it was better to rip the Band-Aid off quickly than make it slow and painful. So before he could protest, I had him cradled in my arms. "Let's get you settled for bed. You can watch some TV, I'll even let you pick."

I tucked him in and got everything within reach. I waited while he selected a station to watch, but he drifted off to sleep pretty quickly, so I just left the volume down low and dimmed down the lights. Then I locked up and got ready for bed. I couldn't sleep, but I did something I hadn't done in years. I settled down next to him. Close enough to comfort him when the nightmares began but just enough space to give him his freedom. I didn't pay attention to the screen on the small TV set, but kept watch and for the first time in a really long time I could breathe.

* * *

**A/N**: _I know it's been a bit but hopefully the long chapter helps. Hard chapter to write and but hopefully you like. Reward me with some reviews so I know it is working or if what isn't working because it is the only way I'll improve my writing by getting feedback._

_I'm trying to mix creepy with humor, is it working? Not begging for reviews, but they do spur the imagination._


	19. Baby Steps

_Then:_

_I tucked him in and got everything within reach. I waited while he selected a station to watch, but he drifted off to sleep pretty quickly, so I just left the volume down low and dimmed down the lights. Then I locked up and got ready for bed. I couldn't sleep, but I did something I hadn't done in years. I settled down next to him. Close enough to comfort him when the nightmares began but just enough space to give him his freedom. I didn't pay attention to the screen on the small TV set, but kept watch and for the first time in a really long time I could breathe._

* * *

_**Now:**_

_(Dean)_

**Chap. 19** – Baby Steps

Funny how Sam hated Drill Sergeant Dad, but his demand for a routine created comfort as my body kept betraying me over and over again. Just like a baby, I fumbled every time I struggled to regain my independence. I remember watching Sammy taking his first step and how I kept trying to make sure he didn't fall. But I had bruises all up and down my legs from collapsing so many times. It was always unexpected. My strength would just dry up and leave me. The final result, I fell flat on my face. Most of the times Dad caught me, but he finally stopped trying and ordered me to get my lazy ass back in gear. I could do it. I wasn't angry…I knew he was just demonstrating that it was time to regain my independence.

Sammy would have been screaming at him, but I felt safe. As though he expected me to regain my health, but I knew something was wrong. I was dying and I just didn't want to face it, not yet anyway. But something snapped when I heard the bathwater being prepared, once again.

"I'm taking a shower."

"Excuse me?"

I didn't even back down, "I'm taking a shower. No more baths." I expected him to yell at me but he didn't. I almost missed his soft words.

"Fine, walk to the door and back to me without falling and I'll let you take a shower."

"No problem." I smirked and walked to the door with no problem. But as soon as I got near my Dad, my legs betrayed me once more and he caught me. Luckily he didn't make a big deal or try to embarrass me. Just scooped me into his arms and sat me on the closed toilet lid.

"So Bath it is. I know you don't remember, but sometimes I got up in the middle of the night and changed your diaper. So relax, before you know it, you'll be back to your old self."

My dad's posture made it clear he wasn't about to back down but his voice was soft demonstrating his desire to make me feel a little bit better. Conflicting emotions, he wasn't the only one feeling them. "It's been two weeks, Dad. Quit ignoring it. Just say it, I'm dying." I refused to meet his eyes.

"Not on my watch. Dean, look at me, you're healing…slower than we're use to, but you're healing. So I have to take care of you more than we're use to, but you're alive. Many have yelled at me about my appalling parenting skills, but I'm here Dean so you might as well just let me handle the burden for now."

I couldn't help it, the weight of the world dug deep into my soul. Thankfully, he allowed me some dignity but watched to make sure I didn't slip. Today it was important I got in on my own steam. I would never admit to how much I enjoyed soaking in the tub, but I think deep down he knew me too well. I drifted off. I planned on protesting the minute he tried to take over, but I just couldn't muster the energy to even pretend I was upset when I felt him scrubbing my back. I allowed myself the luxury of him taking care of me and then felt a bit of humiliation as he hauled my ass out of the tub. It was always awkward, but he was efficient and had me tucked in bed before I realized what had happened. I couldn't help it; I asserted my independence one last time before I let the dreams take me. "Tomorrow I'm taking a shower." I ignored his smart-ass remark.

* * *

I wasn't expecting anyone. So when a young man walked through the door hauling a duffel bag, I felt exposed. I couldn't help my palms sweating, especially when Dad greeted him so warmly.

"Caleb, I think you remember Dean. Dean, do you remember Caleb?"

Caleb smirked, "I doubt it, he was like four or five years old, and I haven't seen him for a long time."

"No he was six and you were scrawny teenager who thought you could take on the world. Proved you wrong, didn't I. Now you're finally paying back one of those favors you owe me." Caleb tried to hide his reactions as Dad laughed.

"What the hell…you're leaving?" Talk about being slapped in the face. Sure I had regained some independence, finally took my first shower. I felt stronger than I had in long time. Dad packed his bags and made it clear I wasn't going.

"Dean, you're not ready. Caleb's keeping you company because despite how much you've improved, you're not ready to manage on your own. I have to check out some stuff. We'll meet up in a few weeks. Before you know it you'll be back to hunting and we can put this whole mess behind us."

"That sounds lame, even for you." I hissed.

"Boy, don't use that tone with me. Now you will do as you're told." John Winchester ordered and dared me to disobey in front of this stranger. He surprised me when he came over and squeezed my shoulder, "I know you hate waiting on the sidelines, but trust me just a tad longer."

I mumbled, "Couldn't you at least left me with Bobby or Jim?"

"Time to make a few new friends, who knows you two, might enjoy hunting together once you get reacquainted with each other."

"John, you know I don't do much hunting anymore, mainly sell guns to idiots like you. I'm paying back a favor, but I've got plans in two weeks. If you're not back, and he's not up to being on his own, I'm dropping him off at Jim's or Bobby's." Caleb almost dared my dad to hit him.

I was too hurt to say anything; I hadn't prepared myself for being abandoned so soon. But I still had my pride intact and understood my dad would veto any objections especially since I hadn't had any warning to plan any protest. So I decided I would just clam up until he left and then tell Caleb to hit the road. I just didn't expect Dad to read my mind.

"Now, Caleb most likely the minute I leave he will tell you to hit the road. But this favor is only null and void, if you two show up at the location on time with Dean. Try not to kill each other." He gave one last command before he left, "Dean, don't go overboard, give yourself some time to regain you're strength. You might even find Caleb's a good listener; maybe even able to help you sort through some stuff you can't discuss with this old fogy." He patted Caleb's shoulder and closed the door.

I turned away and hated how my body felt so weak. "Damn it."

"Hey, I thought you knew, I wouldn't have agreed to it otherwise. John can be a bastard, sometimes."

Although I agreed, I couldn't show it, I glared at him as I faced him. "Don't talk about my dad like that. I'm going to visit my brother. You can either help me or get out of my way."

"Tell you what, you don't give me any trouble for the new few days, I'll take you. But we will be on time, even if I have to tie you up to get you there. Now how about you relax while I make us something to eat. Before you ask, soup. He was pretty clear about what to expect." Caleb's expression softened, "Dean he wouldn't have left otherwise. I do remember you pretty well; I doubt you remember me, because usually you were sleeping. Once you gave me hell, bit me. I tried to calm you down, but you stomped your foot and declared your daddy wouldn't leave you with some stranger. Luckily John walked in and I skedaddled. I have to say I admired your spunk, but he started leaving you with Jim or Bobby after that, so we didn't really get to know each other."

"I don't remember it." Feeling slightly embarrassed about the story and somehow I understood he wouldn't desert me even if I begged. Worse, I doubted I could make the journey to Sam on my own but I had to try one last time. My pride wouldn't accept anything else. "I don't want to bother you. Just get me to my car and I'll get out of your hair."

"Sorry, got a debt to pay back, so you're stuck with me."

"Fine, you get me a cheeseburger, take me to see Sam, and I'll stick around. Otherwise, I'm out that door even if I have to crawl out of here."

"I think we can compromise. Soup today, cheeseburger when we hit the road. You rest up for the next few days and I'll make sure you see your brother."

"I'll rest on the way. You can drive and I'll sleep. I promise, I won't give you hard time if you help me out." I turned hiding the tears as my emotions betrayed me once again. I hated how helpless I felt.

"Soup tonight, sleep and in the morning, if you're up to it, I'll start the journey to California. But you will follow my orders without question and when I tell it is time to rest, you won't give me a hard time, Okay?"

"Deal." I didn't look at him trying to regain control over my feelings. Things went fairly smoothly after that. In the morning we took off in his truck. I griped about the pillow and blanket but he wouldn't relent until I was snug as a bug and comfortably slumped against the door. "Can we just drive; I don't need a second blanket."

Caleb ignored me and my face almost turned red when he tucked the second blanket around me. "Your job is to rest, mine is to make sure you're following your father's orders. If you get too warm, let me know."

I hated how arrogant he sounded, as though he knew me better than I knew myself. Before I could make a good comeback, I drifted off. I startled awake when we stopped. It was dust, "Look we can keep going."

"Nope, time for a real meal and then a real bed."

"I can drive if you're tired."

"Nope. Remember our deal if you want to continue the journey in the morning."

"Fine," I snapped. "Bossy much." He laughed and I found myself chuckling a bit as well. "Pretty upscale motel. Gonna set you back a pretty penny. We could stay at a cheaper place."

"I prefer we didn't have any company in our beds. It's not a five star Hotel, but they do have a nice hot breakfast."

"Fine." Dinner had been pretty good, I felt like I had a watchdog for company. But evidently I satisfied Caleb's smothering quest for dinner. I had only eaten half of the burger, a few fries, but it was more than I put away at lunch. Relaxing on the bed, as ordered, I missed him turning on the TV. It was a stupid crime show, and a woman was being terrorized before he raped her. I gagged, and before I could tell him to change the channel, he had switched to an old episode of 'Friends'. I did lose it when he touched my shoulder. "Don't touch me." As I curled up into a ball, he complied with my request, but the damage had been done. _Damn, now he'll treat like some fragile girl…what the hell is wrong with me anyway? _

"Maybe we'll stay tomorrow night as well. I'll see how you feel in the morning. Get some sleep, Dean."

I hated how scared I felt. _Damn that bitch_. Crying wasn't an option. I was grateful when he left me alone and just watched TV. The sounds of laughter lulled me into sleep. I was disoriented when I woke up in the morning. I had to pee. I took care of business and then just sat back down on the bed. I tried to protest when he gave me some pills and pushed me back under the covers. I was freezing, but hell if I would give him the satisfaction of knowing he was right. It was dark the next time I woke up. I hit the pillow in frustration, knowing we had wasted a precious day, and I hadn't gotten any closer to my brother.

"Hey, relax. Think you can hold down some soup?"

I really wanted to hate this guy, but he was handling my prickly behavior without breaking a sweat. I just nodded. Felt a little embarrassed when he refused to leave but he gave me a bit of privacy while he ate a burger. "I'm taking a shower."

I thought I had gotten the upper hand, but the clean pair of sweat pants on top of the toilet seat, crushed my independent streak. He had invaded my space, stolen my clothes. On wobbly legs, I got dressed, planning to make an argument, but he only pointed to the bed. At least he didn't tuck me in. I sighed but tolerated him taking my temperature, again. "I'm not a baby. I can take care of myself."

"Sure, you can. Night, Dean." Only the glow of the TV provided any light. I watched the TV show Friends, intending to stay awake for a long time, but my body betrayed me and I fell into a restless slumber. At first everything was fine, but then I felt her tongue pushing down my throat. I couldn't move; I was trapped. I bucked against the weight, but couldn't get enough air. My cheeks were wet with tears.

"Hey, Dean, relax it's just a dream. You're safe. No monster's I promise."

I blinked trying to get my bearings. My legs were tangled in the sheets and blankets. The soft light gave me enough to realize I was just in a motel and not spellbound under her powers. Caleb kept talking softly as he untangled me helped me sit up in the bed.

"Sorry Dean, but I need to check your temperature. Don't worry, what happens in this room, stays in this room. You'll be back to your old cranky self in no time."

Grateful for his teasing tone, I nodded and asked, "What time is it?"

"Four thirty. Don't talk. Sometimes the old fashion way gets a better reading." Once he was satisfied he had waited the correct amount of time, he checked my temperature. "Okay, looks like we can avoid the ER for now. Take these."

"No, please they make me really groggy. The dreams…" I rushed out of bed and emptied everything into the toilet.

"Your choice, either the pills or we visit the ER."

"Damn you."

"Nope, I think you're the one feeling lousy."

I succumbed to his orders, wanting to punch his lights out but lacking the strength to do anything about it. I wasn't about to admit that wet cloth felt good on my face, and that my shivering had finally slowed down after accepting his damn pills. I fully planned on voicing my complaints when he sat down beside me, but somehow ignored all of my surly mutterings.

"I'll see how you are mid-morning. Most likely we'll stay one more day. But if you make a miraculous recovery, I'll think about driving you closer to Sam." He paused before he asked, "But Dean, do you really want him to see you this feeble? I'd suggest another day, but I have lots of pride, no way in hell would I allow my baby brother to see me so sick. Think about it, you can tell me your answer after I wake you up."

In the end, he won. He had a point I couldn't disagree with. We stayed two more days and finally we got back in the truck. Once again, I was cocooned in the blankets and comfortably slumped against the door.

"How much time do we have? I know we got a deadline."

Caleb chuckled, "You've got a one track mind. Fine, first soup, bed and then we'll talk about your activities. I've figured out Sam's schedule, so we can visit him at any time before it is time to meet up with your dad."

I hated that he was right, but I agreed to his plans. "Sam's not to be told anything. I'll tell him I've just gotten over the flu if he asks. Don't worry I can keep a game face on for a few minutes. I just need to see him one last time."

"What if he wants to spend time with you?"

I couldn't keep the bitterness out of my voice. "Don't worry, he won't. Nothing is more important than his precious normal life. School will easily distract him."

"Let's say you're right and this is the end. Is a few moments really what you want Sam to remember?"

"He made it clear he didn't want me anywhere near him. Hell, he won't even return my phone calls. He made his choice. For once I'm being selfish, so sue me. Besides you keep telling me I'm wrong, that I'm not dying, so if I don't die, he's got nothing to worry about. Right?"

"I'll wake you up when we get to our new destination."

The sound of hitting the pavement lulled me into a peaceful slumber. Glad for once, Caleb hadn't forced any more pills down my throat. Of course, I had only wanted coffee and one lousy pancake. But my appetite wasn't back to normal and I doubted it would ever return. I put up with Caleb's mother-henning ways, because I knew I was dying. My strength wasn't returning. It was slipping away. I always thought I would go out in a blaze of glory. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine this slow death. I never expected to grow old either; it just wasn't in the job description of being a hunter. Damn, Sammy had stolen something from me when he left. I didn't blame him; I just had to see him for myself that everything I had sacrificed hadn't been in vain. Sammy would be my mark in the world. My legacy. Not that I would ever tell him that.

* * *

**A/N: **I won't bore you with details, but hopefully my muse will stay on board. My boss threw me into a tailspin, but at least I have a job for this year. I've got a year to make my boss happy and hopefully my frustrations will inspire the muse…at least I hope it will.

Next chapter we should see Sam. Feedback will help me know if you're still interested and if the chapter that refused to flow, finally worked. Dean will give you some chocolate if you're willing to leave a review! :)


	20. My Brother

**_Then:_**

_Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine this slow death. I never expected to grow old either; it just wasn't in the job description of being a hunter. Damn, Sammy had stolen something from me when he left. I didn't blame him; I just had to see him for myself that everything I had sacrificed hadn't been in vain. Sammy would be my mark in the world. My legacy. Not that I would ever tell him that._

* * *

**_(Dean)_**

My brother stood a few feet away from me, oblivious to our surveillance. How could he deny his training, knowing all the awful stuff that lurked around even in broad daylight? We would never agree about this particular topic, but I could never understand his point of view no matter how many times he had tried to convince me, I was wrong.

"So, another day watching from afar, or do you actually plan to make contact?"

"Shut up," I punched Caleb lightly on the arm; he just snickered and ignored me.

"Go on, he's in a good mood,"

Funny how sometimes things are just taken out of your hands. Because for the first time Sam noticed me, I couldn't remember how many times I had thought we had made eye contact only to discover I had been easily overlooked. As my brother approached our picnic table, I wanted to hide. Caleb placed his hand on my shoulder and gave it a light squeeze, helping me to face my brother.

"Dean, what are you doing here?" Sam shoved his hands into his jean pockets, demanding answers and at the same time begging me to disappear before his friends found out anything about me. Funny how easily I could slip back into Sam speak with just a glance, how one look created an entire conversation. I almost laughed out loud, knowing how Sam would complain I never understood him at all.

It was almost hysterical watching my brother squirm when he realized his group of friends had followed him. Neither of us could pretend not to know each other, but nothing in the big brother's handbook ordered me to speak first, so I kept silent. After all, I had an older brother image to uphold.

One of the guys dared to break the awkward silence. "Sam, introduce us to your friend."

Sam just stared as though he prayed I was a figment of his imagination.

"I'm Zack Warren, since Sam has seem to misplaced his tongue." Zack introduced Luis, the slightly chunky guy with dark red hair, and Brady, a mister know it all type, with the attitude that expensive clothes made a man.

"Yeah, Sam I'm interested how you know this loser, it's obvious he doesn't belong here." Brady smirked.

I had often dealt with jerks like Brady so for Sam's sake I ignored his ass and held eye contact with my brother. I figured I'd allow him to make up our background story. I just didn't expect the defeat in my brother's voice.

"He's my brother. Back off, and leave us alone for a bit. I need some privacy, okay."

Zack spoke next, "No problem, but Dean I would love to gather some dirt on this guy. I bet you have a few stories of Mr. Perfect doing something stupid. After you catch up a bit, come by my house for a barbecue. Sam can call when's he ready. No excuses, Sam bring him." Then he shook my hand and got his friends out of there faster than you can say Jack Robinson.

"Zack seems like a nice guy. Can't stand Brady but don't worry Sam, I won't spoil things for you. I'll be gone…"

"No, you won't. The damage been done and you will just have to grin and bear it. You invited yourself to the party and your going even if I have to sit on you to get you there."

"Look it's obvious you don't want me anywhere near your friends. Caleb and I are on our way to a hunt so we really don't have time for a chat. Tell them 'next time'; we'll come for a visit. That way they'll blame me for not showing up and we both get what we want."

"So why did you come?"

"Just checking up on you. You might have left the family, but I'm still your big brother. Old habits die-hard. I just had to see for myself that some monster hadn't kidnapped you when I wasn't watching your back." Suddenly I didn't feel that great, I prayed I could escape before Sam's curiosity trapped me. I looked at Caleb and hoped he got the message.

Caleb quickly intervened. "Sam, I told idiot here, we didn't have time for a side trip, but his radar was off and he really had to do a quick drive by to see that you were okay. Now hopefully, he'll get his ass back into the game so we can go hunting. That monster won't stay put for long."

Sam glared at both of us and then his eyes focused on me. "You will just have to wait a bit longer. You just had to stop by and spoil it and now you _**will **__go_ to the barbecue and then you can leave. I'm not showing up without you two, so get over it already. Now come on to my place and shower. Dean at least change into something that doesn't cause you stand out like a sore thumb. If you don't own anything, I'll go buy something that will work. Won't be the first time."

I stood ready to escape. I had just the right words, but my body betrayed me and before I could get in a word edge wise, I collapsed. I just hoped someone caught me before I busted my head wide open.

* * *

**_(Sam)_**

I just wanted to strangle him. I finally had a normal life and things were going along perfectly only to be spoiled by my brother's impromptu meeting. As much as I longed to see him again, I couldn't cave; I had to stand my ground. Feeling free for the first time, experiencing a normal life and my only little regret was missing Dean. My greatest fear was that Dean would deliberately sabotage my new life trying to force me back into the fold. Dean hated school, but I thrived and felt alive in a way I never had before. As much as I missed him, I just couldn't give up my dream. I had to get out. Why couldn't he understand?

Then the unthinkable happened, my pig-headed cocky brother collapsed. I rushed over to check on him but Caleb beat me to the punch.

"He's still recovering from the last hunt."

"You were going to let him go on a hunt when he's still recovering?"

Caleb smirked, "Have you ever tried to stop a freight train?"

"Stupid, idiot. Well, he can rest at my place and I know a few tricks to make him stay put for a few days. Payback's a bitch, Dean." I couldn't help the smirk that showed up on my face.

However once we got him to my apartment, all sense of humor fled when I saw how sick he really was, I had seen healthier skeletons. So it didn't take much for me to strip him down. His one present, a pair of briefs, knowing how much he hated them when he was under the weather; that would teach him to take his health for granted. The real question was what type of self-sacrificing stunt had he pulled this time. Nothing really explained his condition since I had nothing to patch up, so I wondered what was the best way to squeeze the information out of Caleb. I also wondered why Dean was hunting with Caleb instead of Dad. Caleb appeared protective of my brother, but how had they met? A mystery solidly thrown into my lap, gathering information was something I excelled at and my big brother may have wished he hadn't come calling.

For a while we just let him sleep. Must have been a hell of nightmare when he started thrashing around and screamed, "I'll never belong to you, bitch." I got a bit worried when he wouldn't wake up, but I had dealt with delirious Dean before, so I sat down behind him and using my body as lumpy pillow, I tried to calm him down so he could rest. At first he got more agitated but I kept reassuring him, "I've got your back Dean, you're safe, no monsters can get you here. You're safe, I promise."

After what seemed like an eternity, Dean finally settled back into a soothing slumber. I have to admit I was surprised when Caleb handed me a wet washrag to wipe the sweat away from my brother. I smiled when Dean muttered, not tonight and knew that we had turned a corner in his recovery. But if Dean thought I was letting them go on a hunt in his present condition, both would feel the wrath of my words. Dean may have thought he had seen me riled up before, but he hadn't seen anything yet. I had learned a few things while living on my own.

"Caleb, what kind of man would take a distraught and fatigued partner on a hunt. Anyone with a half of brain can see he isn't up to par and the damn hunt can wait. Are you trying to get yourself killed, or worse get my brother killed? Sometimes you just have to let a hunt go. Either wait till he is up to it, or go get another partner. My brother isn't going anywhere."

"Sam, stop. Listen to yourself. I'm not forcing Dean to do anything; I'm just trying to stop the collateral damage. Dean's fired up about this hunt, and I couldn't talk him out of it. But if you can get him to rest up, go right ahead. I've got a week, I can give you that much time, but after that, I've got to go on. Unless you're going back into the family business, he will leave with me."

"Fine he rests for a week. Between the two of us, he won't have a choice." I should have felt more ecstatic that I had won, but something wasn't right. Dean knew how much I hated secrets, but I wasn't some dumb kid. I just had to figure out the right strategy to weasel this one out of my Jug-head older brother.

* * *

**A/N: ** A little short perhaps, but I finally got this chapter done. I think besides my health issues, I'm struggling with enjoying Supernatural. I'm a little tired of the rinse and repeat cycle, how poor mistreated Sam gets dealt a raw deal by mean Dean.

The show has Dean apologize but rarely does Sam apologize. Also in my opinion, Sam gets the positive support while Dean is left on the ledge alone and betrayed by the ones that supposedly love him.

Both have done some pretty awful stuff to each other. Both deserve a strong storyline. While I think they always have a great idea, the execution doesn't thrive and create the excitement like it should. To some degree, I get it as I struggle with my own stories, so I find myself enjoying Season 9 more because my expectations are so low.

This story will stick with some cannon story-lines, but be ready that it will drift away from issues, I don't want to explore. So most likely it will go into an AU. I like badass, funny Dean loving the hunt. Wanting to share this with his family and I want to see him have family to share it with. I wish the show had gone more in this direction. Had made the angels, warriors fighting the good fight and losing direction instead of the direction they took it.

How much I can do will depend on my health and real life time I can put towards writing. I have a jerk for a boss on my back even though I'm getting praise for my student's work. The stress of the job is getting in the way, and unfortunately it pays the bills and not writing. So for those that are willing to enjoy the ride, I will continue, just not sure when the next chapter will be up. Sorry, I know how frustrating that is for a fan.

Thanks for everyone that takes the time to review, it gives me a boost to keep trying. As always, you never have to read my notes at the end, which is why I put them at the end of the chapter, in case you just want to skip them.


	21. Arm Wrestling

**_Chap. 21 – Arm Wrestling_**

_Then_

_"Fine he rests for a week. Between the two of us, he won't have a choice." I should have felt more ecstatic that I had won, but something wasn't right. Dean knew how much I hated secrets, but I wasn't some dumb kid. I just had to figure out the right strategy to weasel this one out of my Jughead brother._

* * *

_Now _

Caleb and I talked while Dean slept. I suspected Dean's fib about his health didn't include some very important details. I understood my brother's instinct to run instead of dealing with the issues, especially if it involved emotions. So I took precautionary measures to make sure my brother couldn't easily escape before we could talk. He had some serious explaining to do.

Dean started thrashing around in my bed and then yelled, "No it's not happening again."

I must admit I didn't react with kid gloves or in a very brotherly manner. But in my defense Dean hates being mollycoddled. I know it's warped but watching my brother blush when he realized only one lone sheet kept him covered somehow itched my funny bone. I'll bet money he even thought that Caleb had somehow provided the perfect excuse for a hasty exit only to be thwarted in the end by his little brother. I could tell he was a little disoriented from the nightmare and probably trying to figure out his location.

"I'll give you three guesses. Bet you're surprised you didn't pull off the perfect getaway." I smirked but must admit my smile slipped a little when Caleb didn't join in the ribbing. _Nothing's worse than having your joke fall flat._

"Sam, where the hell are my pants?"

"I think it's perfectly clear, obviously your last hunt did a number on you, unless you fainted…"

"Sam, damn it, get me my pants…I'm fine."

"Hey you two, can you both cut it out? Dean you need to rest, your fainting spell proved it, so buck it up and deal."

I must admit I smirked watching my brother squirm, as he wasn't ready for us to gang up on him.

"Get me my pants. Caleb and I will split before you're embarrassed by us at the stupid party, or perhaps you've forgotten how much your friends plan for us to mingle. I know how much you'd hate that, so give me a little privacy and I'll be out of your hair…"

"Dean, drink this and shut up. We aren't going anywhere today. You're getting some rest. Sam can make up an excuse for his friends, and we'll see how you're feeling tomorrow. In case you've forgotten, I've got the keys and the car is hidden courtesy of…"

"Yours truly. Look I'll even splurge for your favorite slice of pie for just being lazy for a few days."

"So you plan to bribe me with just a slice of pie?"

"Fine, a whole pie. Your pick."

I must admit I wasn't prepared for the interruption. Before I knew it we had several guests. Luis, Brady and Zack all stood in the kitchen and Brady smugly announced. "Sorry to hear about your brother being indisposed. Figured some chicken soup would do the trick. Don't worry Dean; payment will be some simple stories about Sam here. I know how much older brothers love to humiliate their younger siblings, so go ahead and tarnish his reputation. I know he has an image to uphold, but we loved to hear about his flaws. Don't hold back."

With a united front, I threw a pair of sweats at Dean and pushed my friends back into the kitchen. Caleb took care of the door as we left the room.

I guess what really shocked me was Caleb's protective streak and his reaction to my friends barging in without any invitation. The fact they had overheard our conversation didn't make it any easier. Surprise didn't even adequately describe what I witnessed next.

Caleb's growled out order, "Dean, stay in bed," and that my brother obediently obeyed as Caleb slipped out of the room with Dean's sweat pants, slightly unnerved me. Obviously he felt my brother needed rest more than dignity. Then he dared ordered my so-called friends to leave.

"Guy's, I can appreciate the need to know all the dirty little secrets, but right now Dean needs to rest. He'll rest easier without an audience. So if you'll be so kind as to give us a few days to recover, then Dean might be easily persuaded to give away a few little dirty secrets provided he could keep the beer down. Of course, you'll willing supply all the drinks necessary to pry the information out of him so that Sam won't want to strangle him in his sleep."

Everyone laughed but it was a forced chuckle instead of a real release of amusement. Tension ran high and Caleb had masterfully taken charge.

"Hey next time knock instead of just barging in, you never know when someone will react badly and you might end up hurt. It's never a good idea to embarrass someone who is under the weather, especially if that guy is a little trigger-happy.

Caleb's little threat motivated my friends immediate exit. Brady quickly made some excuses about needing to go study and my friends left faster than a hawk scooping up his meal. "Thanks, I know Dean wants to kill me now." I admit I was slightly confused on Caleb's easy victory with my brother, and I wondered what military background he shared with my father. So I wasn't quite ready for his reply.

"Doubt it, most likely he is fast asleep. Sam we need to talk."

"Sure after I check on him." I opened the door and Dean was sound asleep. "He's really sick isn't he?"

"He's off the hunter's rotation for a bit, if that tells you how concerned your father feels about it. Sam he would kill me if I told you, but I guess you need to know, he almost didn't make it. Sometimes the worst experience is living with the regrets, wishing you had just one more day to tell them the one thing you never got a chance to say. Maybe you'll take this warning, before it's too late. He's recovering this time, but don't waste the chance you've been given. Don't make too big of a deal or he'll be out the door before…"

"Before I can even start. I know my brother, Caleb. We make a good team, ganging up on him, maybe you can help me convince him…"

"Not in your wildest dreams. No, we leave in two days. Sooner if he gets a second wind. I'd plan your words very carefully. Otherwise…"

"I'll be talking to thin air. I know my brother, Caleb. He's family, and if I thought for a moment he'd leave Dad…I just wished he wanted something other than hunting. Sometimes I dream of us exploring normal together, I know he would never go to college, but he could work in a garage. He is great with cars, but…whom am I fooling, he'd rather hunt than live a normal life. I just have to accept that I lost my family years ago, that college changed our relationship forever. Thanks for the heads up. I'll think about it while he gets some sleep.

* * *

Funny how I'd planned the conversation to happen in my head, but then reality stepped in and everything fell apart right in front of my eyes.

"Sam, stop. I'm fine. Fact I'll get out of your hair in a flash."

I lost it, "Really, you driven out of your way to just check up on me and never even intended for us to meet…why Dean, why come here in the first place. You're fine, just dandy!" I shoved him, he tried to push me back but my temper took control and I didn't think, I just ripped open his shirt exposing how much weight he had lost. The image increased my fury, as I always despised when Dean refused to take care of himself. "Look, you're skin and bones. A soft breeze could knock you on your ass! You couldn't back a fly in a hunt!"

"Is this your court strategy, beat the criminal into confession? I'm fine." He turned away from me.

"No, you're not," I didn't think, I grabbed his shoulder and without meaning to, I shoved him off-balance. In slow motion he collapsed sideways as he fell backwards and hit his head on the coffee table. I barely caught him before he hit the floor. Dean was totally unconscious. I wanted to wring his neck, but that could wait until after the hospital visit. I dialed 911 as I pressed the shirt I had torn to his forehead.

* * *

**A/N: **Oopsie. A terrible cliffhanger. Will Sam wring Dean's neck? Will Sam sit on Dean? Where's Caleb?

I can say that reviews inspire me to write faster and may even be guilty of fleshing out the next chapter. Reviews determines how soon Dean gets out of the hospital. So what do you want?

Of course the real question is...do you want him to stay in the hospital or do you want to take him home with you?

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. I hope this chapter gave you some pleasure. Thanks for taking the time to read and most of all bringing me some joy by writing a review! :)


	22. Coming to Terms

**_Chap. 22 – Coming to Terms_**

* * *

_Then:_

"_No, you're not," I didn't think, I grabbed his shoulder and without meaning to, I shoved him off-balance. In slow motion he collapsed sideways as he fell backwards and hit his head on the coffee table. I barely caught him before he hit the floor. Dean was totally unconscious. I wanted to wring his neck, but that could wait until after the hospital visit. I dialed 911 as I pressed the shirt I had torn to his forehead._

_My mission, to figure out what on earth was wrong with my brother. I wouldn't allow him to shut me out. Now it was time to get some answers, to discover what really had gone south on Dean's last hunt. My brother would get better even if I had to sit on him to accomplish my goal._

* * *

I hated hospitals. The agony of waiting as the doctor took one look at my brother and then whisked him off for more test. He didn't like the results and ignored a doped up, sluggish patient.

Dean demanded, "Doc, I'm fine. I don't need to stay, Sammy can handle this."

I have to hand it to the doctor as he blackmailed my brother to stay the night, effectively shutting down any complaints. "I'll consider it in the morning but I can call the police now, if you feel the need to leave."

In Dean's confused state, he backed down or more precisely collapsed. Shaking my head, I left to pick up a few important things back at the apartment. Caleb reluctantly agreed to allow my brother to spend the night at the hospital, especially since he wasn't a blood relative therefore, he didn't get a vote. The next morning, I felt like our conversation might as well been a recording since we covered very same ground last night, so the conversation appeared fruitless.

"Sam I'm not saying it again, I'm leaving. Either you get me my pants or I will walk out of here buck naked, if I have too."

"Sorry Dean it's for your own good." I called 911 because that's what normal people do and Caleb's method of taking care of you obviously wasn't working, so you're staying put, even if I have to hogtie you to the bed."

The Asian doctor entered during my last statement and immediately greeted my brother with a Cheshire cat's smile, "Hi Dean, I understand you don't relish our fine accommodations. We'll I've got a proposition for you. Either you stay the 72 hours, or I'll just doctor these admittance papers and have you committed for your own protection. It's clear you're not taking care of yourself, and require a proper psyche evaluation. We can do this easy way or the hard way. I don't think you'll enjoy being locked up, but that is up to you. Let me make it very clear young man you're staying…how long depends on you?"

Dean fumed but quickly suppressed his reaction into a fine art form. The mask quickly covered his real emotions as he replied almost nonchalant. "Since you put it that way, I'll just get comfortable. As I was trying to explain to my brother, I've just recently recovered from a nasty virus and I just haven't regain my normal weight."

"Well, that might have explained some of the test results, but not all. You're a very sick young man and since you're only 17, I'm afraid you will have to wait until I can reach your father."

Dean sputtered and I intervened before he could deny his age. "Like I explained earlier, my little brother ran away from home. I'm not sure if I can reach our Father, but I'm certainly working on it. Dean's well-being comes before any disagreements or promises I made to him prior to this latest incident."

"Well don't worry, it's obvious that this young man has ignored too many signs about his health. I glad he has an older brother he can rely on when it becomes necessary. If you'll just sign these documents, the nurses can move him to his private room. For his own good, you'll be escorted in and out and we'll treat Dean as a hostile patient. Thanks for the advance warning by the way."

"Can I have a word with my brother in private?"

"Sure, I'll give you five minutes, don't worry Sam, the orderly's won't let him leave." The doctor stepped out and I braced myself for my brother's reaction.

"Younger brother? Has everyone lost it, I'm twenty-two, Sam. I'm older than you and once I get my identification…"

"Sorry brother, but I came prepared. You've lost so much weight you actually look like my kid brother. Conveniently your driver's license has disappeared. Actually he thought you were 14 but I convinced him you were 17, so be grateful for a few favors. The doctor knows you'll say anything to get released. You're not the only one that can create a fake id. So since you're a minor for now, you'll just have to submit to testing. It's for your own good."

"Sam, you left. You got your dream, now stop this madness. I'm not staying" He changed tactics and tried to physically get out of bed, but I easily maneuvered my brother back under the covers. "Don't do this," Dean mumbled.

Our conversation came to an abrupt halt as the large orderly entered the room. Even though Dean weakly protested he was easily transfer to the gurney. I followed and I wasn't allowed in the room while they got him situated. They informed me, I would be allowed to visit him in a few moments.

I admit it was difficult waiting outside while Dean cussed up a storm but the men ignored his threats. The reality hit when I realized that my usually strong brother couldn't fight them off. Although I mentally prepared myself, seeing Dean strapped down almost shook my resolve. His right arm had an IV line and I admit he looked very scared and helpless.

"Sam get me out of here. You don't understand, don't let this happen again, please."

His eyes begged for me to fix this and I admit I almost caved due to the fear radiating from his eyes. I placed my hand on his right shoulder, "Not happening, this is for your own good. I know it's difficult to swallow, but I'm really doing what's best for you. Someone has to put you first, obviously dad never will, so it's up to me." My brother's reaction took me by surprise.

Tears welled up in his eyes and he pleaded with me, "Fine, I'll stay for now but don't leave me alone and strapped down like this. Please, you don't understand..."

"Shh, I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere. Why don't you explain it to me, I promise Dean I'll listen. But you're staying until I know what on earth is wrong with you."

"You don't understand, they can't do anything. Tell them the truth, Sam. You can be mad at me all you want, but don't do this…"

I was so focus on my brother that I didn't notice the doctor inserting a sedative into his line.

"Sorry Sam, but he's too agitated and I need him to relax. His blood pressure is through the roof."

"Then I insist that I stay with him. He won't calm down being strapped down like this and he really hates being alone."

"I'm sorry but in order to get accurate results, he will be alone for the next 72 hours. I can't let your emotions muddy the psyche evaluation. You'll be allowed to visit him for a few minutes, however I won't lie to you, your brother is very sick. He's dying, unless we can figure out a treatment plan." The doctor escorted me out of the room forcing me to break my promise to my brother. I just hope he had truly gone to sleep so he wouldn't realize I had abandoned him while he was totally defenseless.

I never thought the test results would confirm my worst fears, the agony of waiting to visit my brother. For the first night I played by the rules, but knowing my brother was getting worse made me bold. I sneaked into the room, but my brother ignored my presence, at first.

"Just leave, you got what you wanted and for the record you're worse than dad. You didn't even ask before you put this plan into motion. Just get out. How can you hate me so much?"

Dean tears put me into action. I didn't think I just undid the straps and gathered my normally strong brother into my arms.

"Ready to escape this hell-hole?"

I jumped as I recognized Caleb's voice.

"Sam, I can't believe you did this to your brother. I understood your desire to get out of the business, but to deliberately force Dean tied down after everything he's experienced is criminal."

"Experienced," Rage bubbled up inside of me which I barely contained, "Dean shows up looking like death warmed over and you leave to run an errand. He collapsed and I called the ambulance. I don't regret it. Maybe if you two had bothered to fill me in, I wouldn't have had to revert to drastic measures to get my brother treatment. They assumed he was a teenager, and I didn't correct them. The doctor wanted to commit Dean anyway. At least this way, I had some measure of control."

"Really, what kind of control Sam? You let them strap me down like a dog. What kind of brother are you? I would never have done that to you. You're worse than Dad and you'd be furious if the situation was reversed. What the hell have I ever done to deserve this?"

"Dean calm down, the doctor doesn't want your blood pressure to get too high. Look once your health gets better they'll release you under my supervision. I'll even help you get a job at a garage. Isn't that what's you've always wanted, us to living in the same town, keeping the family together? " My attempt to comfort him only made the matter worse.

"Family doesn't act like this, I'm tied down like a common criminal, is that what you really wanted? I didn't stop you, in fact I helped you so you could get that scholarship to leave. I certainly didn't make it impossible for you to escape. How can..."

Caleb forced Dean to look him in they eye by pulling up his chin. "Dean you've got to trust me, I'm getting you out of here, but Sam's right you've got to calm down."

The door opened and a nurse entered the room. She inserted the tranquilizer into the port. "Look you can stay until he falls asleep but then Sam, you have to leave. Caleb, room 10 needs assistance." She stepped out of the room.

"Dean, see I've got the perfect cover. In a few hours the shift changes and it will be a snap to get you out of here. Sam will play the angry brother, furious that his brother disappeared under the hospital's watch. Sam won't know when I'll strike and he won't make it worse by saying anything. You just relax, I've got your back."

Caleb waited patiently for Dean to slip into oblivion before strapping him back down. "Sam, I'll meet you in the cafeteria in fifteen minutes. You've done enough damage. If you had just waited to call the ambulance we could have avoided this drama. Now Dean's had a psyche evaluation and the doctor's convinced that Dean needs further treatment. He wants to have him committed, do you know what that would do to your brother, it'll kill him. How far are you willing to go, before you destroy him?"

"He's really sick. Calling an ambulance is what normal people do." I tried to defend my actions but even to my own ears my protest sounded weak.

"It's a supernatural condition, Sam. No doctor here can help. He just wanted to see you just in case the antidote failed. Does anyone put Dean first or is he some convenient excuse... you rebelled against your father and yet now you've done more damage. How could you believe that he would even accept living under the lie of being a minor. Are you that delusional?"

I stared at my brother, and the need to protect him overwhelmed me. He looked so young, vulnerable and the image of him having a normal life away from hunting felt so right. "He shouldn't be hunting and if keeping him safe means he's a minor, then so be it. Now who's not putting him first?"

Caleb's tirade clearly wasn't over. "If the positions were reversed, would you happily accept it? I doubt it. Have you even called him once, since you left. You gave plenty of ultimatums but how would you feel if you were in his shoes?"

I crossed over and grasped my brother's limp hand. "Don't you dare tell me about my priorities. I put him first, if I hadn't lied, Dean would have checked himself out and died. I can't stand by and watch, so I took drastic measures..."

Caleb rubbed the back of his neck and lowered his voice. Forced himself to sound calm. "You couldn't even listen and made it so he couldn't even check himself out. You started the lie he was a minor, not the doctor. You'd be surprise what one learns working the night shift. Now are you going to right the wrong and help me get him out, or are we on our own?"

My resolved crumbled. I walked away and looked out the only small window in the room, admitting defeat. "I'll help."

"Fine go to the cafeteria and wait for me to meet you there on my break. We'll plan what to do next. No go."

I couldn't help it; I crossed over to my brother. Even with the drugs he was restless, but not really awake either. "I'm sorry Dean, if you had told me the truth instead of following Dad's need to know crap, maybe I wouldn't have felt I had no choice." I squeezed his unresponsive hand and headed for the cafeteria.

I waited an extra fifteen minutes and then I headed back up to my brother's room. I demanded to see Dean and I didn't fake my performance when I discovered his empty room. I berated the staff for allowing a sick 17-year-old to leave the hospital. I even went so far to tell them I was pre-law. By the time I got back to my place I was really scared. My hands shook as I unlocked the front door. Just as I feared, there wasn't a sign of my brother or Caleb. I don't know how long I sat on the couch rereading Caleb's letter.

_Sam, by the time you figure this out, we'll be long gone. I'll thank you for the souvenir; never know when I might need a fake id with Dean as a minor. I'll call you if Dean dies, but I doubt you'll hear from your brother for a while. You hurt him worse than anything his Dad could have done, but I know how much he loves you. In time he'll forgive you. Just don't expect that phone call to happen real soon. Get your degree; you'll be a great lawyer._

_ Caleb_

My hands shook, and I read the note several times before I burnt it. I had chosen and so had Dean. Our paths no longer aligned, and my dreams of having my brother owning a garage and living a normal lifestyle disappeared with the smoke. I had done nothing wrong, I had only tried to help, but I wouldn't get my fingers burnt again. Dean would always follow Dad, and one day he would get killed. I couldn't be there when that I happened. I was alone again, naturally. I loved my brother so I prayed he would heal and one day far down the road, maybe we could reconnect. It was the only thing I could hope for.

* * *

**A/N: **I wanted to get one last chapter out before the New Year. I didn't get that many reviews so I decided that you favored a short hospital stay. Unfortunately that meant that the brothers once again went their separate ways. Both brothers are guilty of tunnel vision.

I don't hate Sam and I hope it was clear that Sam loves his brother. This part is staying true to cannon. Sam's urge for a normal lifestyle is just too strong. Dean needs time to forgive his brother.

In time Sam may see it differently. Of course I suspect that Caleb took matters into his own hands and helped Dean decide on the next course of action. I don't think that Caleb's no show in the cafeteria was an accident. Dean and Sam will meet again, it's written in cannon. The real question is when? I'm evil aren't I?

Why are reviews important, sometimes they can shape the story, but sometimes a simple review helps me to see where I didn't make something clear so I can improve it. Let me know what you liked. You can complain, just don't flame me. I made some revisions and hopefully it flows better.

Poor Dean needs some reviews, for every review he gets some comfort food. Please don't starve Dean, leave him a review.

Thanks for reading and thanks for those that leave a review. They are wonderful gifts to receive.


	23. No Such Luck

**_Chap. 23 –_ **_**No Such Luck** _

**_Then: _**_My hands shook, and I read the note several times before I burnt it. I had chosen and so had Dean. Our paths no longer aligned, and my dreams of having my brother owning a garage and living a normal lifestyle disappeared with the smoke. I had done nothing wrong, I had only tried to help, but I wouldn't get my fingers burnt again. Dean would always follow Dad, and one day he would get killed. I couldn't be there when that I happened. I was alone again, naturally. I loved my brother so I prayed he would heal and one day far down the road, maybe we could reconnect. It was the only thing I could hope for._

* * *

_(Dean)_

**Now:**

Betrayed, the only emotion I could feel at the moment was betrayal. By the hand of the one person I counted on the most in my life. I almost could wrap my head around Sam really wanting to go to college. It made sense in my head, just not my heart. I didn't want to die like this; trapped and treated like some kind of garage you threw out and then tossed aside to be forgotten. Worse, Sam justifying his actions by being two-faced, how I hated that. I despised hypocrites and I never thought my brother would be included in that category.

He's experienced what's out there; he doesn't have the excuse of not knowing. Refusing to listen and not even allowing me to explain before he had me locked up, stabbed me in the heart worst than any illness I was currently experiencing. Encouraged the misconception that I was seventeen and then tried to justify the lie, when it was the one thing he condemned our father for doing. How can he live with himself?

Dad's done some really bad shit but nothing he's done has compared to this. I think I actually hate my brother and I don't know how to live with that. Guess I won't have too much longer, this just wasn't how I planned on leaving this world. I wanted to die in the field, to have my death mean something by saving someone. The creaking door alerted me to someone entering. Call me a coward but I shut my eyes; I couldn't face Sam right now. I'd say something that we'll both regret and worst he'd have to live with it. I'll be dead soon.

"Dean, I'm doctor Ryan. I'm here to start your evaluation. I understand you've run away from home. Life had to be pretty bad to run away, but at least you headed towards your brother, instead of the streets. I can tell you're awake so why don't we get started."

I opened my eyes, and let her have it. I didn't care about her feelings. "Lady, I'm not a kid. I'm twenty-two years old. My father didn't beat my and my kid brother is lying through his teeth."

"If I released the restraints…"

"I'd be out of here before you'd finished breakfast. They do feed you in this prison cell."

"Dean you're not in jail."

"Lady, don't fuck with me. What else would you call this? I'm not here by choice and you won't allow me to die with dignity. So get the hell out of here. I'm not some guinea pig. Get the fuck out of here."

"Dean I need you to calm down, your blood pressure…"

"I just don't give a damn, you've got me strapped down…I'm not calming down, can't you get that through your thick numbskull brain. I'm old enough to make my own decision and I'm not going through your damn hoops just to make you feel better. You don't know shit." I fought with everything I had to get free. This I could do, I would rather die than just let them win. She just didn't play fair.

"I'm sorry Dean, but you've got some serious issues you need to work through, but relax for now. Think of something that makes you happy. We'll try again later, just let the drug do its job. That's it, just breathe and relax. That's better."

I wanted to break something to smash something into a million pieces, but the drug in my system was taking control. I closed my eyes and drifted off into oblivion. Maybe I would show them; maybe just maybe I wouldn't wake up.

"Doctor Ryan do you need anything else?"

"No, that will be all…"

"Caleb."

"Thanks Caleb, he'll rest for now. Poor thing is in total denial, he will be a cutie when he gets older."

"So you expect he'll be here longer than the seventy-two hours?"

"I think for his own protection, yes. Well he's resting comfortably now. I need to consult with his doctor to figure out which drug therapy would be the best course of action."

"If you don't mind, I would like to sit with him for a few minutes. He's had a really stressful morning and I think he's been alone for far too long. Sounds like he's so defensive because he doesn't have anyone to rely on, I just want to tell him he's not alone, if you don't mind."

"Caleb, that's pretty insightful. I think that's just what the doctor ordered. They say that unconscious patients' hear what we say. Stay here for five more minutes. I think they can spare you for that long."

"Five minutes it is, this boy is lucky he's got you for his doctor." Caleb waited until she closed the door and then he whispered, "Don't worry Dean, the escape plan is already in motion. I just have to wait for the right moment. I need you to relax and let me take care of it. You're not alone. How on earth did you become so important in my life, so fast? If you ever said anything I'll deny it in a heartbeat. I've got a reputation to maintain." Straightening out the covers, he gave his new friend one last squeeze on the shoulder before he left the scene.

No such luck. I'm still stuck in this bed. The door opens and this time I keep my eyes open. Normally I would be happy to see my brother, but this time I just wish he would leave. The damage was done, he couldn't fix it.

"Look Dean, I know you're upset with me. But it's for the best, you'll see. You've lost too much weight; this is more than some hunt going bad. I know the doctors will figure this out."

I turned my head and flinched when Sam squeezed my left hand.

"I know you're mad at me, and I can live with that if you get better. I'm not some baby that needs protection. You can't do your usual and just ignore this and hopes it gets better. I guess now you can understand how it feels to have someone always determining your future without any input."

"You're the one that left me stuck here all alone…"

"They won't let me contaminate the evaluation. Dean our Dad isn't that great of a father, and since you're a minor…"

"But I'm not!"

"But you look the part right now, Dean if I didn't know you, I would think you were in high school. You look so young and vulnerable. How could they not believe me? Of course the ID helped but that's your fault for teaching me how to do it in the first place!"

"So in this warped world of yours, how long will I be kept a prisoner and just what do you to expect to happen when I get released?"

"Look, I'll do the paperwork to get you released under my supervision. I'll even help you get your GED. You could work at a garage and then later buy your own garage. Your great with cars, Dean."

"Just one problem with your plan, I'm not seventeen and I'm not staying to get a GED. In fact as soon as I'm given the opportunity, I'll split. You can imagine this puts a wrinkle in our relationship. Sam when you wanted to leave maybe I didn't support you right away, but I did behind the scene. I guess I wanted you to stay too much, but I never made it impossible for you to leave. Hell, I even opened the door so you could pursue your dreams. Who encouraged you to study, even covered for you so you could take the SAT's. Now get out of here, if you won't help me escape."

"Not happening, I'm watching your back even if you don't believe I am. Not leaving until they kick me out."

I told myself I wouldn't break down, but as usual my body once again betrayed me. Sam took it as permission to stay and I just didn't have the energy to explain that I was dying and I really didn't want to die in this damn hospital. Of course that made me cry even harder and before I could control my reaction I found myself being fiercely smothered in an embrace I didn't even have the strength to break free from. I cried for all the things I never would experience and mostly for the end of my relationship with my dysfunctional family. I could only hope that Caleb wouldn't let me down.

I was a little unnerved when a voice I didn't expect asked me a question. I couldn't figure out when Sam had left.

"Hey, you ready to hit the road? Man, you really hate losing control don't you, that last dose should still have you knocked out cold."

"How did you get me out?" I admit I was a bit disoriented, sitting in a wheel chair in the parking garage. Everything was fuzzy, I vaguely remember my brother saying he would help me get out, but I wasn't sure if it was real or not. I prayed that Caleb really was real and he wasn't some kind of hallucination.

"You just sit there and look pretty and let me do the work. It's better this way, you'll see. Long goodbyes always hurt, this way it will be a clean break. I left Sam a note."

"Just get me out of here. Don't let them take me back."

"Hey, look at me, no way in hell are you going back you hear me. What do those quacks know anyway? We've got a deadline remember. It's almost time to meet up with John. He'll chew my ass out, if you're late. So now we have to haul ass to get there before John has my head on a plate."

"Can't focus, what's wrong with me?"

"Nothing that some sleep won't cure. Okay, sleeping beauty once again. I can't keep track of you being awake or snoring away. Don't worry Dean; I've got this. The drugs will be out of your system in no time."

"Hey, you back from the dead?"

I yawned. Damn Caleb was carrying me like a baby. "Put me down, I can walk."

"Not happening princess. Almost there anyway. It's easier to carry you up a flight of stairs than to maneuver a wheelchair without the aid of an elevator. Just hang on, and I'll have you settled into a nice clean bed soon."

"Why didn't you get a room on the first floor, dummy?"

"Because they didn't have one. Besides you kept doing the sleeping beauty impression, so it didn't leave me with many options."

"I'm awake now, put me down."

"Sure you are, let's see if you last longer than five minutes before I trust you with the task of walking."

"I can do it…"

"It's okay to let someone help you once in a while. Why do I bother, your dead to the world again, anyway."

The door closed and I struggled to open my eyes. Weird to find myself tucked in bed. Confusion reigned as I vaguely remembered being carried up some stairs, but I could have just dreamt the entire conversation. I felt totally drained. I finally noticed the IV when Caleb started to straighten out the covers. Reacting to my first instinct, I started pulling on the IV, but didn't expect to get my hand slapped.

"Leave it, you need that. When it's empty I'll remove it, but not until then."

"Everything's really fuzzy, how did you…"

"Rest, we'll talk later. You won't remember the conversation anyway, and I'm bushed. We've been over this conversation several times already and you never remember it, so let's wait until you're more alert."

"Not sleepy."

"Here, drink this."

"Fine, still not sleepy."

"I'd believe you more, if you were still awake. Night sleeping beauty…we've got a long drive ahead of us tomorrow."

* * *

**A/N:** Didn't plan on getting this chapter out this soon, but I guess I'm celebrating all the wonderful gifts you gave me. Dean thanks you for feeding him even if he keeps falling back to sleep. Poor boy too skinny anyhow.

I'm starting on the next chapter but I have to do my job stuff like grade papers and cut a play. I think I'm finally learning how to live with chronic pain. The hardest part is the lost of energy and not being able to focus.

Just want to make one thing clear this is NOT a Brotherhood AU. But I find it always interesting how quickly Dean bonds with strangers' vs. his own family. So I imagine this story will become an AU series.

I always give a warning before I ever kill off a major character. Dean may get near death but this isn't a death fic. Sam and Dean will meet again…when will be the question.

Foundnemo & Guest – Thanks for reviewing and yes I love to hurt poor Dean. I also want to thank everyone that took the time to review, I think it was the reason my muse flowed so quickly. I tried to send everyone a pm that signed a review, if I missed you somehow, please know I really appreciate your review.

For some reason Caleb wants a chance to tell his side of the story now, so I think it will be from his POV, next. :)

Let me know your favorite part or even what you wish had happened. Since this is a WIP, nothing's written in stone. So to celebrate so many reviews, I am posting twice in one week. I think that's a record for me. Dean really enjoyed getting so much junk food, so for every review, he gets more food. Let me know if what your preference is if you want to feed him a specific food.

Thanks again for reading and it really does make my day when you give me the gift of a review.


	24. Road Trip

**_Then:_**

"_Rest, we'll talk later. You won't remember the conversation anyway, and I'm bushed. We've been over this conversation several times already and you never remember it, so let's wait until you're more alert."_

"_Not sleepy."_

"_Here, drink this."_

"_Fine, still not sleepy."_

"_I'd believe you more, if you were still awake. Night sleeping beauty…we've got a long drive ahead of us tomorrow."_

* * *

_(Caleb – for some reason he wants to speak? Go figure.)_

Now:

John Winchester, if I could strangle you without getting hurt in the process, I would do it in a heartbeat. You son of bitch, I bet you planned this all along. Some sucker I am. At first I didn't really care. But watching first you, and this his younger brother manipulate Dean well, I have to admit, you're both some piece of work.

At first I planned on just splitting and leaving Dean on Sam's doorstep. I even had the perfect excuse all lined up. How was I to know that everything would go to hell in a hand basket faster than even I thought possible? I checked on Dean to give my last speech but instead of finding him sleeping; I watched an ambulance drive off. By the time I arrived at the hospital, I overheard Sam lying through his teeth.

"Look, I know he looks really young, but he just turned seventeen. He's a runaway and stubborn, so you'll have to watch him carefully. He'll be determined to walk out that door, regardless of the physical damage. I need your help in persuading him to stay so he can recover from whatever illness he's gotten. I realize you can sympathize dealing with baby brothers."

"I need an ID to prove his age, because if I didn't know any better I'd say Dean Winchester is about fifteen. Without any proof I'm listing him as fifteen. Hell, you look seventeen."

"Doctor, I'm in college and I've got my ID to prove it. However, I didn't grab Dean's. I'll bring it in the morning."

"Fine, I won't call CPS, but don't expect me to release him until he's been evaluated. Plan on seventy-two hours. You better get hold of his Father. I will not release this young man on his own; no matter what names he calls me. Also since he's so hostile, I'm afraid I'll restrain him for his own good. Thanks for the head's up by the way. It's clear he isn't responsible enough to manage his own recovery and I'm still not sure I shouldn't call CPS. So either you, or your Dad step up to the plate or the state will step in. I don't think you want me to make Dean a ward of our state."

I'd heard enough and I quickly slipped away unnoticed. My blood boiled as I thought about how neither family member put Dean first. Then I realized I couldn't abandon him either. He had gotten under my skin, and now I had to figure out a way to rescue him.

Luckily for me, several years ago I had pulled a stunt at a hospital for a few weeks, so blending in came naturally. I flirted with Dean's nurses and flattered the old Biddy in charge. This allowed me the opportunity to monitor and to figure out the best escape route. I slipped into Dean's room unnoticed to reassure him that I hadn't forgotten about him. I hadn't expected to watch Sam's interaction with his brother. I eavesdropped knowing it would give me some valuable information.

"Just leave, you got what you wanted and for the record you're worse than dad. You didn't even ask before you put this plan into motion. Just go. How can you hate me so much?"

Sam untied the straps and gathered his brother into his arms. If I hadn't overheard Sam's earlier conversation I might have though I could trust Sam, but Dean's tears made me react. Someone needed to put Dean first and clearly it wouldn't be his family. I figured a bit of warped humor would help, so I announced my presence. "Ready to escape this hell-hole?"

Sam jumped as he recognized my voice.

Rage took over and I guess I joined in being overprotective as well, "Sam, I can't believe you did this to your brother. I understood your desire to get out of the business, but to deliberately force Dean tied down after everything he's experienced is criminal."

"Experienced," Sam barely kept a lid on his temper, "Dean shows up looking like death warmed over and you leave to run an errand. He faints and I call the ambulance. I don't regret it. Maybe if you two had bothered to fill me in, I wouldn't have had to revert to drastic measures to get my brother treatment. They assumed he was a teenager, and I didn't correct their misconception. The doctor wanted to commit Dean anyway. At least this way, I had some measure of control."

"Really, what kind of control Sam? You let them strap me down like a dog. What kind of brother are you? I would never have done that to you. What the hell have I ever done to deserve this?"

"Dean calm down, the doctor doesn't want your blood pressure to get too high. Look once your health gets better you can stay and I'll even help you get a job at a garage. Isn't that what's you've always wanted, us to living in the same town, keeping the family together? " Sam rationalized his actions.

"Family doesn't act like this, I'm tied down like a common criminal, is that what you really wanted?"

I forced Dean to look me in they eye by pulling up his chin. "Dean you've got to trust me, I'm getting you out of here, but Sam's right, you've got to calm down." I felt like yelling you idiot, think, if the doctor drugs you into oblivion, it will make escaping that much more difficult. What happened next, made me wish the world would quit reading my mind.

The door opened and a nurse entered the room. She inserted the tranquilizer into the port. "Look you can stay until he falls asleep but then Sam, you have to leave. Caleb, room 10 needs assistance." She stepped out of the room.

"Dean, see I've got the perfect cover. In a few hours the shift changes and it will be a snap to get you out of here. Sam will play the angry brother, furious that you disappeared under the hospital's watch. Sam won't know when I'll strike and he won't make it worse by saying anything. You just relax, I've got your back."

Sam waited until Dean had fallen under the effects of the drugs before he spoke. "He's not leaving, you're killing him."

"If he stays, you'll just watch him die. He didn't want me to tell you, and I didn't think it was my place to begin with, you're his brother not me. So act like it, unless you really do want him dead. He's on a timetable to get the cure and we need your help. The doctor can't help him, but your father can, that is if I can get him there in time."

"Fine what do you want me to do?"

"Don't blow my cover, go down to the cafeteria so I can meet you during my break and we'll plan his escape."

"Fine but I want answers, like what happened in the first place. Maybe if you had trusted me, I would have known how to help instead of being scared to death. He was dying in front of me. Why didn't he trust me?"

"You'll have to ask him that, right now I'm more concerned about getting him out of here so John can give him the cure. All I know is there's a timetable and now we'll barely make it.

Sam nodded and squeezed his unresponsive brother's hand and left. I decided then and there I couldn't trust Sam not after everything I'd heard. Opportunity knocked as another patient had a code blue and I took advantage and unhooked Dean from the monitors. Since he had been given a strong dose of meds before I could get him out, I kept the IV and just slipped the bag under the covers. I simply rolled his bed out of the room and took the elevator up a few floors. Pretending the patient needed more testing and acting as if I knew my way around, no one stopped us or really questioned my orders. Someone one was arguing about how their patient had waited for over thirty minutes and it was their turn. Spying a wheelchair I simply transferred sleeping beauty and rolled the bed to the side. I thought we had slipped out undetected when a nurse stopped me cold.

"I thought you were taking him for an exam?"

"We'll they're backed up and I guess a slight mix-up on the time-table, but we'll be back in plenty of time for his exam." Luck returned as the nurse got called to the nurses' station.

"Fine, but call before you come back. Get him back to his bed, a wheel chair a horrible mode of transportation since he's so out of it."

"Yes, Ma'am." I saluted quickly got off the floor. First distraction, I punched the up button and took one flight up before we started down to our true destination. Dean almost slept through the entire ordeal. I had a small hiccup when an orderly question our route but luckily Dean sort of woke up and said the right things when prompted, even though he didn't remember anything and rapidly fell back to sleep.

I swear I thought he was still knocked out but his answer helped us to escape and then the next time he became aware was at the garage. The longest period, he remained awake was when I settled him in the passenger seat, but it still didn't last for long. It became a comedy routine of how long he would wake up for this round. I even called him princess but he didn't comprehend anything and just slipped back into dreamland. If he was the Princess, then I must have been his Knight. At that point I realized I needed some serious sleep myself, so I stopped for the night. The only room available was on the second floor, which at least was near the flight of steps. Princess woke up one more time; having a small amount of awareness when I carried him up stairs. He tried to tell me he wasn't sleepy, but in a few moments he drifted back into slumber and only gave me a minor fuse about the IV still being inserted in his right arm. It wasn't long before I joined him in dreamland.

The next morning sleeping beauty woke up as I removed the IV.

"Where are we? I've got to pee."

I smiled. I guess this is what it feels like to have a baby brother. Right now, he didn't have much strength to fight me on anything. I helped him to the bathroom, but drew the line on assisting with his personal needs. Luckily he had enough stamina to take care of business and I only had to guide him back to bed.

I needed a break so I decided we would relax at the motel for the day. Tomorrow, the road trip would begin.

* * *

"Look, I can drive. I'm not some invalid."

"In your dreams, you're just lucky I don't mind your taste in music. Otherwise, you would just have to grin and bear it."

"Pull over."

"Dean, I'm not letting you drive."

"I'm gonna…"

His ashen shade of color let me know it wasn't a laughing matter. I pulled over and he shoved the door opened. It was more a drop and crawl than a walk but he managed to get outside and puke on the road. I grabbed the water bottle and a towel. I was hoping we had finally gotten past this part. He spit and rinsed and I helped him back to the passenger seat.

"Fine, you win. Tell Dad…"

"Shut up!"

"What?"

"You listen to me, you want to tell your dad something then you live long enough to say it to his face. Because if you die, before I get you there, I'm kicking your body to curb and taking this car for my trouble. Only way you'll see your Dad, is if you fight to live, you hear me?"

"Fine but you better get moving, I don't have all day."

I didn't say another word, but just kicked the gear into drive and hauled ass. Dean didn't speak but he really didn't have to, he was miserable.

I took one detour. We got lucky when I pulled in the hospital. A major wreck had everyone pushed to the limit in trying to handle the patients. I blended in, stole an IV and some nausea med and despite Dean's weak protest, I had him hooked up and got back on the road in record time. I hadn't planned on stopping but Dean needed to rest. Got lucky and this time we got a room on the first floor near the back. I carried Dean in once more. He didn't even to pretend he was capable. I raised the temperature in the motel room and checked his vitals. I called John when he started puking up a bit of blood. The fact he no longer even bothered to demand to do it his way scared the hell out of me.

"Caleb, you can kick me to the curb, but before you drive off I need you to put two letters in the mail...in my backpack."

"Fight damn it. Fight…you've got to want to live. Promise me you won't give up. Look your father in the eye and give him your letter, yourself."

"Knew you wouldn't leave me."

I almost wanted to slap the smirk off his face but instead got him settled in bed. "I'll be right back."

I locked up and drove to the nearest hospital. It took longer than I wanted but I got some more meds. Then, I decided the hell with sleeping and packed up and settled him in the passenger seat once more. I got him as comfortable as possible. He gave me a minor fuse, but didn't react to the pinch as I reinserted the IV.

I hated coffee, but I could drink Cokes, so I just stopped long enough to pee and then we took off again. I have to admit I admired Dean's ability to endure the pain. He didn't scream or even moan. However, his resolved broke when he couldn't hold it any longer.

"I don't think I remember when I couldn't…"

"Hey, we beat them. I'll get you cleaned up and they'll never know."

"Caleb, if I had an older brother, you'd fill the shoes just right. I'm trying to hang on, it just hurts so damn bad."

Just as I got him dressed I heard several cars pull up.

John didn't even acknowledge us, just scooped his son up in his arms and said, "Follow me. We got the place picked out last night. You got here just in time. We'll talk later about ignoring orders."

"Dad, don't…just let me die with dignity. It's too late…"

John shoved something into Dean's mouth and he just look stunned.

I lost it, "What did you just do?"

"Bobby take Caleb outside and get him up to speed. I'll get Dean ready. I don't care what Dean wants, he isn't making the decisions, I am. If it fails, then he can die, but until then…everyone follows orders."

Bobby looked at me and shoved me outside. "Look, it isn't an option of letting him die right now. If we fail, he won't die…he'll just become a beacon…look I don't have time to explain it. But it isn't just Dean's life at stake; it's our way of living. Actually that fact that his father is going against his wishes, works in our favor. It was the only thing we didn't think we could manipulate. Everyone one of us is playing a role from the past. I'm the wizard, John's the King, Dean's the Prince and you're the Knight. Pastor Jim is the only one that really fits since he is a pastor, so he is playing the part of the Priest. We have one night to do what's required. If you decide to leave, what you know about the supernatural will become a fairy tale in place of the nightmare that is coming. I won't force you to stay."

"You know I won't leave, you made sure of that. I promise you this, when this is all over, Dean is leaving with me. Once he has time to get his head on straight, we'll figure out the next course of action. You make that happen or I'll kill him myself."

Bobby smiled, "You'll do. Let's get through the night and then we'll figure out the next step, together. Just so you know, as the ice melts in Dean's mouth, he'll be unable to move or talk on his own. It also gives us time to perform the ritual. I'm sure he isn't happy about any of this, but it's not the first time his father turned into the drill sergeant and most likely it won't be the last."

I couldn't make eye contact with Dean. He looked so frail but John had stripped him down to his birthday suit and placed him in a metal tub. The water covered him up to his chest. As usual, John took charged and ordered us to circle around Dean.

Dean may not have been able to talk but his eyes welled up with tears and he looked embarrassed as hell. Of course, I got to join in the embarrassment department when John made his next announcement.

"I'm not in love with this next part either, but the ritual requires us to wear only our birthday suits. What happens tonight stays between the five of us." He then pointed out each of our positions and we formed a circle around the tub. "Once you place your object in the tub, go back to your spot and strip down naked. Bobby will say some words that I doubt any of us will understand. Caleb your job is first on the list. I know I don't have to remind you how fragile he is, but this moment on, his feet cannot touch the ground." John's voice broke for a moment and he quickly pulled his mask back on. "I command you all to proceed."

Bobby pulled out an old scroll and started speaking. I didn't understand one word coming out of his mouth. Dean's eyes begged me to stop but I couldn't. It was if something bigger than me was happening. I saw a small scared little boy. I picked up the goblet and without being told poured the liquid into the tub. I then allowed the goblet to float on its side and walked back to my spot. I stood and watched the others do the same thing with their objects.

Pastor Jim held up a cross and a bell rang out and he said a simple prayer. The cross, had a bell attached to it, so as he walked it rang out three times in the night. I don't really remember much but I couldn't take my eyes off the cross as it sank to the bottom. John came next, with a bowl of sand. He poured it into the water and then dropped it into the tub. Before he walked back, he forced Dean to open his mouth and accept another piece of ice. I almost challenged John at that point, but something held me back and told me "_not yet"_.

Bobby was next with a huge candle. It burned bright and I noticed the colors. Imagine a bright red base, the middle a bright yellow and the top covered in violet. He turned the candle over and allowed the wax to drip on Dean's stomach. His slight flinch, the only sign that the wax had burned but not too badly as a bit of water, cooled the wax quickly. Next he blew out the candle and allowed the smoke to drift into Dean's eyes and nose. Then he placed the candle in the water with his right hand and placed his left hand on the top of Dean's head.

Something forced us forward and I found myself kneeling on the ground and touching Dean's foot. Each of us touched a part of his body and Dean appeared sleepy. I was grateful that at least he wouldn't remember this and I would never speak of it again. John kissed the top of his son's head and then lifted him out of the tub. Bobby shoved me to the center and John passed Dean over to me. Once again, I cradled him bridal style in my arms. "Now what?"

No one spoke but stepped back to form a circle around us. I felt silly but a voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Brave Knight, you shall now be tested."

A white light surrounded us and I gazed on a beautiful woman dressed in medieval times. Her gown swirled as she walked and her golden hair changed colors. At first it was blonde, then red and finally violet. We were standing in the middle of a gorge with a small waterfall trickling down the side. As I gazed around the majestic canyon I felt like a tiny bug but Dean felt as light as a feather. At first I thought he was asleep but his eyes opened and he tried to speak but nothing happened.

"You've been lied to and manipulated but you must understand this isn't a one night commitment, you must agree to be his protector for a lifetime. If you aren't willing to give your soul to save him, let him die now. It will be much easier on him. What will you choose?"

A trickle of water swirled around my feet and then it rose into a big wave. It knocked Dean out of my arms. I couldn't find him as the water circled around me and I could barely breathe myself. I shouted, "How can I save him when I can't even see." The next wave knocked me off my feet. I struggled to get a breath and then started swimming searching for Dean. "He paralyzed, he can't even help himself. No, you can't let him die like this. I'll do it. Please just help me find him. Damn you, help me find him. Then an arm hit my back. I turned and grabbed him. I never thought he could weigh so much, but just when I was ready to give up, I found it, a shallow cave. I pulled us out of the water and started CPR. Nothing happened, he had died and it was my fault. I had failed and tears dropped on my cheeks.

"He's not dead, he's caught between time. I have a lot to teach you before our time is up." She gave me a white robe and told me to put it on. When I looked over at Dean he was wearing an identical robe as well.

"Who are you?"

"Your teacher, little one. You will learn many things and a forge a bond. As your connection grows, he will heal. Each of you represent part of the Great Spirit, water has magical qualities, just like you.

He'll learn to share his fears with you and in return you'll both grow. Now come, some of the lessons will scare him, but you must always show him he can trust you. Just like his father, sometimes you'll have to do what is best or he will be lost. If he is lost, your world will be destroyed. He is our only hope. That fact you were willing to die to save him, well let's just say you passed the first test. However, you have much to learn before our time is up. Come."

I never had been as torn in two as I was in that one moment. Part of me wanted to stay with Dean, but the pull to follow grew stronger and finally I couldn't resist her anymore. She smiled and I followed.

* * *

**A/N:** Well finally got to a part I had dreamt about when I started this story. Funny how much it has changed. Not sure if the images are clear so would love some feedback.

I know a lot happened in this chapter, does it feel too rushed. I tried to figure out a place to stop it, but it just didn't seem to work.

Gosh once you let someone talk they won't shut up. Caleb's impressions continue next chapter.

d767468 and Carrie you both influenced this chapter with your reviews. I was already heading in that direction, but you brought clarity by giving me feedback. It's always interesting how someone else interprets your work.

Let me also say I love Sci-fi and Fantasy, so several stories are influencing this one now, so if you wonder which one, well I'm not even sure, LOL. I'm trying really hard to keep the character's true to cannon, but don't be surprise if things get altered as I don't like some of the things they have done over the years. Not sure when I'll get the next chapter out, but I surprised myself with how fast this one flowed. I hope you really enjoyed it. Shutting up now.

Again poor Dean has been so traumatized, that he requires some comfort food. The more reviews I get, the more choices he gets to have. I have a bacon cheeseburger, but what else should he have?

Let me know what you think and thanks for reading even if you don't review. :)


	25. Close Scrutiny

**Chap. 25 – Close Scrutiny**

**_Then:_**

_Now come, some of the lessons will scare him, but you must always show him he can trust you. Just like his father, sometimes you'll have to do what is best or he will be lost. If he is lost, your world will be destroyed. He is our only hope. That fact you were willing to die to save him, well let's just say you passed the first test. However, you have much to learn before our time is up. Come."_

_I never had been as torn in two as I was in that one moment. Part of me wanted to stay with Dean, but the pull to follow grew stronger and finally I couldn't resist her anymore. She smiled and I followed._

* * *

**_Now:_**

I took her hand and the light became so bright that I couldn't see anything. I trusted her and yet I didn't really know why? A mist settled over me and turned into a blanket of fog. "Where's Dean?"

"Dean is fine for now, but you must see a possible future in order to understand what we are trying so hard to prevent."

The fog lifted. Smoke covered the ground and nothing was alive. Not a piece of grass, not a single bird chirping anywhere, nothing suggested that anything lived in the area. It smelt of death. A single tall tower stood in the middle and buildings laid crumbled all around it. The air was suffocating with not a breeze in sight. "What the hell happened?"

"Your world's worst nightmare. They discovered Dean's whereabouts and used him to increase their population but in turned destroyed everything. Chaos reigned as no one planned for the future and this planet died. All resources were expendable and used up. In the end, nothing survived. Dean's mind couldn't handle the torture and yet he couldn't escape.

However his offspring discovered new inventions through his creativity and discovered the gift to keep him alive forever. Worse he can't escape because everyone that could help him is dead. He's trapped and can only beg to die, but they'll never let him go. Instead they've gone to another planet to start this misery all over again and he's powerless to stop it."

"No. There has to be a way, something we can do to stop it. Tell me we can prevent this from ever happening?" Tears rolled down my cheeks but I prayed somehow this nightmare could be prevented.

"Are you willing to go against his wishes, even if he hates you, to prevent this from ever happening?"

"Surely once I explain…"

"Imagine living with the burden of knowledge, it would cripple him and in the end the results would remain the same. We've failed more times than we've won. But a glimmer of hope lives. Once we almost won…a million years ago with an ancestor of Dean's. A group of powerful men joined forces to protect their world. A wizard, a knight, a King and a priest united and for thousand of years it worked until a family member betrayed them. We managed to save an infant even though we lost that world. Earth became that's infant's new home."

"So you're saying Dean's like Superman?"

"No, he just human."

Her smile reminded me of someone understanding an inside joke that only a privileged few would ever hear. Yet at the same time full of great sorrow as if she carried a load that would cripple most people.

"Dean is unique in that he possesses the ability to get under people's skin. He can worm his way into your heart without you realizing it and is able to empathize with a person's situation. Think about it, a point of no return, situation. You planned on ditching him with his brother but when you discovered his latest health issue, you couldn't abandon him. Why?"

"I just got so angry when I heard some of the stuff his brother said…damn I don't even know why I care so much, he's practically a stranger and one stubborn son of a bitch."

She smiled, "He got under your defenses and now you can't walk away, correct?"

"Fine, so why can't he know, I think he could handle it especially if…"

"He would try to sacrifice himself and then be vulnerable and captured." She walked away and turned back to face me. "Think of million possible outcomes. Now imagine being able to watch what happens and trying to change just a small reaction to stop a chain reaction. Do you think it would work?"

"So you're saying "He's lived this example once before and it killed him?"

"Your intelligence just might sway the outcome. If you build a building out of dominoes and remove one pieced what happens?"

"It depends where the piece is located? If the right piece is removed and nothing happens, most likely nothing will happen later, either."

"But if you remove the wrong one everything would topple down on top of you."

"I don't like keep secrets and I'm not like John. What if Dean decides to disappear and I can't find him. What then? There are so many possible…"

"Precisely, but you'll have one thing in your favor that will help. Call it the missing piece of resistance; Dean hates being alone. Worse, he's searching for someone, not a lover but someone who shares his need to rescue people. He honestly loves hunting. He isn't jaded about hunting and you'll be someone he can share a common goal or interest with and that will help more than you can imagine."

"I won't manipulate him. I can't."

"Not asking that."

"I'll keep the secret of the alien's searching for him as I don't think he would believe me if I even tried to explain that to him, but I won't lie about anything else. If he's in danger I'll tell him."

She smiled, "You'll do. I understand your feelings and I hope that you'll never have to lie to someone you love. But I ask you this, would you rather deceive him a little than to have him experience being tortured for the rest of his life?"

"It's not fair of you to ask…"

"Life isn't fair, nor can we always take the high road. But you won't be alone in this situation; it is why the ritual required three positions. Each will sacrifice something for the cause."

"Why not asks Sam to be part of it? I mean he's Dean's brother."

"We won't make that mistake again. No, only one family member is allowed and John is the better candidate than Sam. Who can really blame Sam as for the first time in his life he is following his dream. If that means leaving his big brother behind, than that is the sacrifice he will make to achieve his ultimate goal. Sam is very goal oriented, isn't he not?"

"I wasn't picked by accident?"

"None of you were. I've witness countless scenarios and watched you struggle to save his life. In return, he's protected you as well. A mutual friendship that benefits both parties, but understand this, family will always come first for him. His brother will never be someone he can ignore. He might come to treat you like his brother, but he only has one brother."

"You sure don't ask for much, do you? I hardly know him and yet you're talking as if we'll develop this magical relationship."

"Have you ever met a twin?"

"Not really."

"Twins share a unique link. No one but the other twin can understand the connection. After this, you two will be almost like twins. Your connection can never be broken. The difference, you'll be aware of why you need this and Dean will be oblivious to it. However, he will understand on a subconscious level that he should respect you and maybe even obey at times. But as you say Dean is very stubborn and full of pride. So he will remain unpredictable at times. But I think you already like that characteristic anyway."

The mist cleared and I saw Dean ahead and I swear, I couldn't imagine him ever-moving again. "What should I do, he still looks dead."

"Simple call him with your heart. Imagine a small boy about three and a half years old. If you do it correctly, he will come."

I felt stupid but tried to obey her simple command. "Dean, come here. I need you to come here at once." I didn't recognize the small child at first, but then something seemed familiar. His eyes. I didn't think; I just reacted. "Dean, come here!" His face radiated such joy as he seemed to recognize me and he ran as fast as his little chubby legs could muster. His eyes twinkled and I pulled him up close and held him tight. His outfit had changed and he now wore a blue t-shirt that had big letters saying 'I wuv hugs'.

"It was a happier time in his life. His memories are scrambled but love is all that he remembers. Search his mind for images that give comfort and security."

I picked him up and he snuggled close to me and I carried him. Many images flooded my mind and I watched them being recreated in front of me. First, a small bed placed next to a mirror, a couch with a soft blue afghan and a large stuff bear wearing an identical outfit as Dean's. I laid him down on the bed and placed the bear in his arm. I could almost heard a soft snort but he hugged the bear close to his chest. Next I spied a toy train so I sat him on the couch and told him just to watch. I quickly put the train set together. While I was occupied with that project I noticed a tall white wall blocking off our view. I turned and discovered four white walls without any windows or doors rising all around us.

She stood in the small opening and smiled once more before the doorway disappeared. Trapped in this building, although I could hear my heart thumping loudly, I tried to remain calm so I wouldn't frighten Dean.

Time stood still, we laughed, ate and slept together. The bed appeared only at night; well I guess it was night. I never could stay awake once it showed up. The weird part was our ability to communicate without words. Other than laughter, he never made a sound.

"Dean do you like windows?"

Dean nodded and hugged me tight.

"He can't speak but notice that in someway, he's voice is very loud and clear. No barriers are in the way; he doesn't have to protect himself. He appears to be a very tough young man, but really he's just a little boy, petrified he'll be abandoned for doing the wrong thing."

I sat on the bed as a small train began to roam around us. Dean giggled and clapped his hands. He chased the train and jumped over it back and forth and I don't think I ever remembered seeing such joy in a child's eyes.

"Forging a bond requires time together, this room will become very important in the future. Dean's life may one day require you to create this very space in a very difficult time. In order to recreate it, in an instant you must be so familiar with it, that you can visualize it in a split second."

"Wait, you're leaving us here, again? Why don't you leave a doorway?"

"Always asking questions, time will tell."

"I get we have to bond, but why can't he talk?"

"Dean can't do anything without your permission."

"But he's running, jumping, and laughing, all I might add, without my permission," I challenged.

"How do you think he showed up here in the first placed, you ordered him to come. You picked the age, not I. He can speak if you allow it, but only if you allow it."

I checked on Dean and when I turned back to refute her claims, she was gone. Dean's laughter was contagious and I scooped him up and kissed him on the top of his head. I mumbled, "I wish you could tell me what on earth you wanted."

"Caleb, play with me."

I smiled and we played. Only later did I realize that I had asked him to speak. His hand rubbed my cheek.

"Why are you so sad?"

"Dean are you happy?"

He responded as only a child can, "Can we play with the train again. I like the train."

I kissed the top of his head; "Sure, we've got nothing better to do." I glanced around the walls wishing that Dean could grow up. Restlessness described my emotions more accurately and I wondered when would be allowed to leave this dream state. Yet, another emotion conflicted with my restless spirit, one that demanded that my only concern was to protect this rare spirit at all cost.

* * *

**A/N: ** Well not a lot of action and poor Dean's not in control at all, is he? But then neither is Caleb. The next chapter should have more action, I think.

Ran across some research that said most people just skim stories. So I wondered do you read my stories or just skim. If you skim does the story make sense? Also do you skim because it doesn't pull you in or because you just don't have time? Just wondering.

Again thanks for reviews they really help me to forge ahead. Thanks for reading even if you don't leave a review. Dean gets a cute toy or snack for every review. Of course if he was older in this part of the story, I would give him a beer. Hopefully you didn't think this was too cute. :)


	26. Day After Day

_Then:_

_"Dean are you happy?"_

_He responded as only a child can, "Can we play with the train again. I like the train."_

_I kissed the top of his head; "Sure, we've got nothing better to do." I glanced around the walls wishing that Dean could grow up. Restlessness described my emotions more accurately and I wondered when we could leave this dream state. Yet, another emotion clashed with my restless spirit, one that demanded that my only concern was to protect this rare spirit_ at all cost.

* * *

Now:

"Caleb, I'm telling you I can take care of myself. Stop protecting me; let me live with my bad decisions. Just be my friend, treat me like an equal…are you with me?"

I almost jumped out of my skin. The last thing I remembered, both of us were locked up tight in a white room. Dean mistook my confusion for disagreeing with him.

"Look my Dad taught how to fight, I'm a good hunter."

"Dean, do you remember how we got here?"

"Stop changing the subject. Are you in or out? Can I count on you to watch my back? I need you to fight with me, not treat me like some invalid…can you do that? We fight this together, right?"

"Sure, I wouldn't have it any other way."

I felt a strong pull to the left and it took all of my willpower not to grab Dean and run. Confusion interfered with my reaction time, since I couldn't stop staring at Dean's stocky muscular built. Now magically healed and he had regained his normal weight; this Dean, I could imagine him doing major damage to any monster. For a few moments I only thought about being in sync with his ability to fight as we maimed and beheaded a few of the men that were attacking us. Confusion reigned as I followed my instinct that these men weren't really human. I rejoiced that Dean had survived the ritual and regained his health. So intent on figuring out how this miracle had happened, I let my guard down.

"Caleb, watch out, behind you."

I felt the blade as it ripped through the muscles in my back. I faltered and tried to face my attacker but it was too late.

Dean screamed, "No you son of a bitch. I'll kill you all." Like some comic book hero he swung and jabbed killing several but for every one he took out another two took their place. Outnumbered but still he never stopped trying to win.

My hand reached out to him, wishing I could reverse the clock and have a second chance but even as time slowed down I could only watch as more men than I could count surrounded Dean. A thick rope looped over his body and they tied him down and carried him off. As darkness blurred my vision I took my last breath.

"Caleb open your eyes, you must see the consequences of not listening to your instinct and ignoring the bond's warning."

I sat up; amazed that I lived but the sight that greeted me almost made me gag. Dean was strapped down as a monster thrust her tongue down his throat. He bucked but she only laughed and soon he became docile and still.

"This is his fate now, they will rape him until he begs to die, but they won't give him the pleasure."

"There has to be something we can do?"

"Well, if you were alive you could protect him, but with your death you have condemned him to his fate. He will bear the burden of knowing his children massacred everyone that once called earth home. Then they will use him to take over another planet and another. But I can see you still doubt me, so test and see if you can find another way. But each time you fail, you will start the day again. Sometimes young ones must learn through pain, to really become open-minded. Go."

I walked out of the light and once again Dean and I stood next to the Impala parked on a dirt road. Off in the distance I could see a cabin and a thick wooded area.

"Caleb, I'm telling you I can take care of myself. Stop protecting me; let me live with my bad decisions. Just be my friend, treat me like an equal…are you with me?"

"Run, we've got to get to the woods. Why did we stop here?"

"Caleb you must have hit your head harder than I thought. A deer ran out in the road and I managed to miss the deer but not without running off the road and into this place. Then the car just stopped. Nothing's wrong, it's got a full tank but the engine just won't turn over."

"We almost hit the trees when Dean tripped over a small root. I managed to kill ten before I was blindsided and knew no more."

* * *

Off in the distance I could see a cabin and a thick wooded area. Dean and I stood next to the Impala parked on a dirt road.

"Caleb, I'm telling you I can take care of myself. Stop protecting me; let me live with my bad decisions. Just be my friend, treat me like an equal…are you with me?"

_Damn we're stuck in the damn loop but Dean doesn't know it_. It didn't take a rocket scientist to recognize my location. I felt determined that this time I would figure out a solution, one that allowed Dean to keep his dignity. I scanned the area and I shoved him hard, "Run towards the woods." We raced and managed to get into the wooded area. I pushed him down and covered his mouth; don't let them know we're here. Trust me. If they find us, we go out fighting."

He smirked and nodded. At first I believed we had succeeded. Ten of the men passed us, but then one tripped on a root and Dean and I started swinging. I watched as one of the men transformed into a monster. Some odd mix of a man, snake and serpent, I felt trapped in some bad TV show in the 90's. I shot him but nothing happened, the bullets bounced off him. Dean never gave up, he punched and kicked but a laugh was his only reward. All of them transformed and we were easily captured. This time, one of them slung me over his shoulder and carried us off.

"Put him down, I'll kill you…I swear I'll find a way to kill you all." Dean screamed himself hoarse but they didn't bother to take his threats seriously. Instead he swung Dean into a tree and once unconscious the monster easily flipped him upside down and carried Dean by his feet. The laugh would haunt me to the end of my days.

They separated us. Stripped of my clothes and restrained, and then they left me alone without any dignity.

"Well, aren't you a cute play toy. I'm so excited; I get to practice on a human. For some reason they are concerned I will kill my chew toys too soon. They always scold me and tell me to learn patience but I'm afraid they've decided I'm just not trainable. But to think that I can practice with you until my heart's content…we'll its just wonderful don't you think?"

She slithered next to me and her body wrapped itself around my legs and torso. I couldn't move. I couldn't help but reflect the differences between the male and females of this race.

"Yes, we are different, but then I'm not related to the royal family either. I could never give birth to our race but I can give you death. The real question, should it be quick or drawn out, but I promise you I will feast on every memory before I devour you. What frightens you the most?"

"I won't give you the satisfaction. My memories are mine bitch."

She laughed and then thrust her tongue down my throat and my worst nightmare happened at the same time. I tried to scream but felt the tongue going deeper and deeper. My last thought, I wouldn't allow this to happen to Dean and I cried because I had failed again.

* * *

"Caleb, I'm telling you I can take care of myself. Stop protecting me; let me live with my bad decisions. Just be my friend, treat me like an equal…are you with me?"

I felt determined that this time I would succeed. Dean's dignity mattered but surviving mattered more. I scanned the area and I shoved him hard, "Run towards the woods." We raced and managed to get into the wooded area. I pushed him down and covered his mouth; don't let them know we're here. Trust me. If they find us, we go out fighting." I hated lying to him but this time I couldn't fail. He smirked and nodded. I no longer had any disillusions of our fate if I messed up. I concentrated on the white room surrounding us. Dean reacted by yelling at me and giving up our position.

"You promised and he kicked me in the stomach." Hatred flowed from his eyes but it didn't matter his kick had destroyed my focus and they surrounded us. Once again they carried us off and tortured me until I surrendered into oblivion.

This time I woke up to a cloud of fog and Dean's body laid still with only a white robe covering him. I had failed and Dean had paid the price.

"I'm so sorry Dean, I can't protect you. They picked the wrong one."

"Little one, you failed because you did it in the wrong order. Do you want him to live?"

"Yes," I glanced over at his still body, "but I tried to do it, they broke the illusion in a heart beat so how in the hell can I save him? I not some damn superhero."

"Simple you first imagine him as a three year-old wearing the little bear shirt then you kiss the top his head and then you put up the walls. To anyone else he will appear to be sleeping and after the danger has passed you can bring him out of the illusion. Of course it would be smart that you first get him away from the danger before you drop the illusion but soon you'll know how to listen to your gut as you so eloquently put it and I guess you'll be his superhero." She smiled as if everything would be solved once I listened to her.

I rubbed the back of my neck. I didn't know if I believed her or not but the fog lifted and once again I was back beside the Impala parked on a dirt road including the view of the cabin in the distance and a thick wooded area.

Dean paced back and forth and finally spoke his mind, "Caleb, I'm telling you I can take care of myself. Stop protecting me; let me live with my bad decisions. Just be my friend, treat me like an equal…are you with me?"

Conflict reigned but I couldn't support him, not again. I scanned the area and I shoved him hard, "Run towards the woods." We raced and managed to get into the wooded area. I pushed him down and covered his mouth; don't let them know we're here. Trust me. If they find us, we go out fighting." I hated lying to him but this time I would save his ass. He smirked and nodded. I imagined him wearing a the cute bear shirt with the saying "I wuv hugz." Before my eyes he transformed into a chubby three-year old and I promptly kissed the top of his head. "We are playing a game, hide and go seek and you have to be quiet, no talking until I tell you it is safe."

Dean nodded and four white walls once again surrounded us, still I didn't think it was enough. I imagined a small closet and grabbed the little bear, blue afghan and Dean, as I carried him inside. I carefully arranged the afghan around him and let him hug the bear. His eyes got big and teary eyed, but I wouldn't back down. "Sorry sport, but you'll be safe this way."

He tried to speak but nothing came out of his mouth. However it didn't stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks.

"Hey, none of that. I'll be back before you know it. Just rest, that's it close your eyes. Think of sweet things and I'll give you some pie later, okay."

I wish I could say I felt better but I didn't. I didn't waste anymore time, I imagined the door shut without any doorknobs, nothing to give his location away. I just knew where to look as if a piece of string connected us. Then I imagine myself out of the room. Now it really felt weird, Dean was as still as death. I checked to see if he had a pulse and felt a strong beat between my fingertips. Then what I overheard sent chills up and down my spine.

"He has to be here somewhere. He can't just disappear without a trace. Find him."

I waited until they had passed and then I pulled Dean close to my chest. Nerve racking would be an understatement. After several hours they left the area. I still refuse to budge not understanding my hesitation. Then one lone man returned.

"He's smarter than we thought, I expected to have caught him by now. See this little device, plant it on the car and it will let us know when he returns."

A voice inside my head said, "If you can do it with Dean you can do it with the device. Place it in a box and at the same time build a white box to hide the smaller box in.

"How can I do this, I'm not a magician?"

"Simple we are supplying the power, but only certain types of emergencies. For instance, if he was attacked by a ghost, well you wouldn't be able to do a thing."

It took a few tries but finally I had the car clean and we headed out-of-town. Latter once the motel room was secured, I reentered the vision and sought to open the door that Dean was hidden behind. He sobbed in my arms for a bit, but finally I got him to calm down enough to find out why he was so scared.

"Don't leave me alone, I can't…his little red face pulled at my heartstrings.

"Hey, look at me. I've got you, you're not alone."

It took some time to calm him down but finally he relaxed. For a moment I just relished the calm but then I couldn't ignore the itch any longer, so I visualized Dean sleeping as a young adult and presto we were back in the motel room. He only rolled over and mumbled something as he started to snore softly. I allowed the snores to lull me to sleep. Voices disturbed my slumber but I couldn't grasp them enough to distinguish the words and then I dreamt of chasing a little boy at a park.

"Do you think we succeeded at last?"

"Only time will tell. I pray we finally have the right combination."

* * *

**A/N: **It may be awhile before the next chapter comes out as I have a One-Act play to get ready.

I redid the first 3 chapters as I caught some big errors. If you notice an error will you pm me? I plan to recheck every chapter but it may take some time. I'm trying to get good enough to write professionally. Not sure if I'll make it, but you can't win…if you never try. Feedback is the only way I can improve.

I hope you like and that you noticed that Mystery Spot influenced this chapter. Yeah that's it! Make Dean feel better by leaving a review.

Thanks for picking this story to read. I really appreciate everyone that takes the time to leave a review.


	27. What's Next

**Chap. 27 - What's Next?**

_Then:_

_"Hey, look at me. I've got you, you're not alone."_

_It took some time to calm him down but finally he relaxed. For a moment I just relished the calm but then I couldn't ignore the itch any longer, so I visualized Dean sleeping as a young adult and presto we were back in the motel room. He only rolled over and mumbled something as he started to snore softly. I allowed the snores to lull me to sleep. Voices disturbed my slumber but I couldn't grasp them enough to distinguish the words and then I dreamt of chasing a little boy at a park._

_"Do you think we succeeded at last?"_

_"Only time will tell. I pray we finally have the right combination."_

* * *

**Now:**

The last thing I remembered, choking and unable to catch my breath as water filled my nostrils. Time slowed down and I wondered if, finally it was really over. I didn't have to worry about how it would end, and I hadn't died bloody.

I opened my eyes and found myself dressed in a simple fluffy white robe. I wondered if some chick had slipped it on and where was I? The landscape didn't really offer any clues, just a simple stretch of white sand and everything else looked dark and dreary. Impatient to get it over with, I called out, "Hey, where am I? Anybody home?" I smirked for a few moments, over the bad joke.

"Dean, thank God."

I wasn't expecting Caleb stuck with me, wearing an identical robe.

"Where the hell are we?" Sketchy memories floated around me, but I couldn't focus. I hated the sensation that something important had just occurred and I couldn't pull the fragments together.

"Don't know and haven't figured out an exit. But at least you're awake…what do you remember?"

It felt like a loaded question and did I see apprehension in Caleb's eyes? "At least someone gave us a robe." I admit the lame joke didn't make me feel any better but at least we acknowledged the elephant in the room. Another weird issue, every time I took a step away from Caleb, I found myself moving in a circle and wound up next to him, almost too close. As if I couldn't budge from some unseen barrier. Part of me felt like a little kid and almost expected him to pick me up. Talk about weird vibes but I managed to keep it under wraps. I'd never hear the end of it, if I didn't. I almost jumped when I felt his hand on my shoulder.

"Dean, hey…maybe you should sit for a spell."

"No," I had to force myself to take a deep breath. The urge to be picked up almost overwhelmed me. Determined to disprove my theory, I deliberately jogged away from Caleb's side, but in a few strides I found myself standing next to Caleb. He put his hand on the back of my neck. Am I bounded to Caleb? Weird didn't begin to cover it, and I almost panicked.

"Hey, relax. We'll figure this out."

I couldn't relax. "Dude, space…I'm not a girl." Trying to act nonchalant, I walked away, only to bump into Caleb once again. I slightly stiffened when I felt his arms slipping under my knees and my back hit his chest. I looked away as I couldn't move; once again dependent and losing my ability to even squirm out of his hold. "I'm not marrying you, so put me down."

"It's okay Dean, I've got you. The sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can move on. I want this ritual over, don't you?"

A lady dressed in a flowing medieval style dress asked, "Dean, although you can't move you can still speak. If the situation demanded it, would you save Caleb?"

I nodded and realized she waited for a verbal answer, "Yes." I refused to look him in the eye, as I didn't trust myself. My damn emotions, why couldn't I get them under control? Although I would never admitted to my feelings being torn in two, part of me relished being held in his arms. I felt safe and I hadn't felt that way in a very long time. I wondered if being dead took away the control button on your emotions, because everything was upside down.

She walked towards me and smiled. I swear I wanted to punch something and she kissed the top of my head. I opened my mouth but nothing came out; not even a squeak.

She put her slim finger on my lips, "Rest now."

I hated my weakness that I obeyed without a protest or even a lame joke. Her words lost meaning as she said something to Caleb as I drifted off to dreamland.

* * *

"I've got him, take care of Caleb."

I felt someone adjusting their hold of me and found myself in Pastor Jim's arms. I searched for Caleb and witnessed Bobby carefully settling him down on pile of leaves. Of course, my dad irritated me as he plopped another piece of ice in my mouth. The urge to slap him silly only softened with Jim's words.

"Hey, kiddo, Caleb's fine. He's just resting."

Our eyes met and I felt as though he could read my really dark buried thoughts deep within my soul. I closed my eyes to avoid his contact as my father's rich voice read some words I didn't understand. I opened my eyes one last time, and I swear I saw her standing next to Caleb. My heart raced but I couldn't raise any alarms and her smile did nothing to assure me that she wouldn't harm him.

Then clouds covered us and I couldn't see anything. I didn't even remember being put down to stand on my own two feet.

"Dean, have faith." He touched my heart and then the next thing I know I'm falling from a tall cliff.

Funny thing, I almost welcomed my demise but then the Pastor's voice is loud in my ears and I can't disobey.

"Flap your wings, son. Fly."

I guess you can say I no longer found myself flabbergasted with the unusual circumstances. I obeyed and soon found myself soaring up above the land. A screech echoed around me and it took a moment for me to realize that I had caused the sound. I could use words in my head but if I tried to vocalize them, I produced only chirps and screeches and occasionally an undignified squawk. Fear overwhelmed as a large golden eagle flew up beside me. I followed my instincts and dived intent on escaping. But the bird corralled me and I barreled rolled intending to strike when I recognized the voice in my head.

"Relax Dean, it's me. Land by the stream."

Side by side we flew until I landed on a branch overlooking the stream. Close enough to see my reflection. I had a white underbelly speckled with brown and reddish-brown spots. My beak was dark gray with a small bit of yellow near my golden eyes. My crown had a reddish tint, so I figured out I'm a red-tailed hawk. My claws dug into the branch to keep me steady. Jim settled on the sturdier branch above me.

At first we just sat watching the scenery. "Why am I the smaller bird?"

Jim chuckled, "Nothing to sneeze at son, a red-tailed hawk's an aggressive bird. They don't have a problem defending their nest even against the odds. I've seen them attack eagles, I guess because they're territorial in nature. Sound like anyone you know?"

I ignored the comment and just watched the scenery. Somehow it soothed my soul, healing. "So why an eagle? Eagles and hawks aren't known for getting along. Why the hell are we stuck in this form? I don't get this damn ritual. How is this supposed to get me well?"

"Well, I guess that's where faith steps in. I recognize that I've failed more times than I've succeeded in helping you find your faith. But obviously, with an eagle by your side, not much is going to harm you, right? Each of us is representing a part of the elements."

"So I'm Arthur in the Sword in the Stone? You're Merlin?"

"Maybe, or maybe not? But one thing's for sure…you're not afraid of flying now are you? Seems like someone is guiding us, that understands you. Enjoy the scenery. Relax; I don't think it will stay this pleasant for long. So soak it in while you can."

"You feel it too, something big is going to happen?"

"Have faith and even if you don't, I do."

I sent a challenge, a loud screech filled the air and then I settled back to wait. For now I would relax, but I also felt strong enough to fight, I would follow my gut instinct and leave the faith up to Jim. I wouldn't fight him on it; I just didn't have any left. It died a slow death on the day my mom died and Sam's leaving had obliterated what tiny piece was left. At least a small bit of the riddle had fallen in place, air and water.

"Dean join me over here."

I obeyed, not really understanding why I didn't question his authority. I shivered as his large wing wrapped around me. I knew we would be a strange sight to behold, but a small part of me felt grateful to the protection he offered. I drifted off, knowing I wasn't alone.

* * *

A/N: I know kind of short compared to the last few chapters but it felt like the right place for a break. Poor Dean needs something mundane for a while don't you agree?

I have to adjust to a new computer so not sure how long it will take before I get the next chapter out. I do know where I'm heading. So hopefully it'll be soon.

I hope you're still enjoying the ride. If willing leave me a review. Willing to share a Dean clone for every review. He likes to cuddle and eat apple pies for some reason. ;)

Thanks for reading and especially for taking the time to review.


	28. Surrender

**_Chap. 28 – Surrender_**

_Then:_

_"Dean join me over here."_

_I obeyed, not really understanding why I didn't question his authority. I shivered as his large wing wrapped around me. I knew we would be a strange sight to behold, but a small part of me felt grateful to the protection he offered. I drifted off, knowing I wasn't alone._

* * *

Now:

Weird, I suddenly had the urge to fly. Normally I'm scared to death of flying and heights but I guess because I controlled my time in the air…I felt free in a way I hadn't experienced before. Somersaults, diving, barrel rolls and new sensations, brought me joy I hadn't experienced in a very long time. I didn't even mind being alone.

"Dean, over here."

Jim's order startled me, but I obeyed wondering if something dangerous lurked ahead. My next reaction took me totally by surprise. A black panther up ahead collapsed and I screeched as I raced to get by his side. I just followed my gut and recognized the panther. "Caleb…No!"

A huge dark brown bear emerged from the woods and I just barreled rolled, determined to protect my friend not even questioning our animal forms.

"Dean stop, look at the Bear, it's your father Dean. He's protecting Caleb."

I stopped just inches from the bear's nose and he growled but didn't strike at me. I back off and hovered just out of reach, watching. Then I recognized Bobby as the gray wolf. The bear reached for the panther and somewhat draped him over his shoulder. The wolf howled and they disappeared back into the woods. Confused I flew off in the opposite direction, just needing to get away from it all. I found myself back at the cliff and landed. As my feet touched the ground I transformed into my human form and tears flowed. I didn't even resist Pastor Jim when he turned and pulled me into a hug. Finally I broke away, "Why?"

"I don't know son, but our time here isn't over, not yet anyway."

"Will Caleb…does he have to die in order for me to live…I won't do this. End this now!"

"Dean, come here." A simple command, I tried to refuse her but before I could respond, I found myself once again flying towards her. The speed of my transformation left me slightly dizzy. She held out her arm covered in leather and I landed as ordered.

She stroked my feathers and I trembled underneath but she never said another word. Instead she turned and I remained perched on her arm as she walked and left Pastor Jim on the cliff. I waited impatiently for her to reach her destination. The wind picked up and blew her long curly hair and the bottom of her dress rustled as she walked. I didn't feel cold as the breeze ruffled my feathers. She gestured towards a perch and I transferred myself to it. Next she offered me some raw meat. Under normal circumstances, I'd have decline, but this time I quickly consumed the offering and she kept at it until I thought I would bust.

"Sleep, in the morning we will talk."

I wish I could say I ignored her but instead I settled on fighting her in my dreams. At least we were alone, this secret I would take to my grave. I took a small amount of comfort in that.

I awoke in pool of covers and felt her stroking my chest, somehow transformed once again into my human form. Usually I didn't mind having a pretty girl in my bed, but I felt a little disoriented and confused about my situation.

"Good, you look better."

"How?"

She placed her finger on my lips. "Mysteries sometimes need to stay that way."

"So now I'm human? For how long?"

"Long enough. Eat."

I sat up and noticed this time it was a simple egg. "Not really hungry."

She smiled and sat down beside me. "Drink this, that's good. Now eat."

I couldn't argue with her but I guess she understood my unhappiness with her.

"The last time a woman held you captive, she drained you. Even though this situation is similar, I'm giving you nourishment. Instead of taking, I'm giving back."

"Not my dignity. I'm not in control so how can you say this is better?"

"When you're ready to leave, you will. But for now, I'll enjoy watching over you."

Her words confused me even more, but the call to sleep overrode her voice. I dozed off and woke up unsettled. The call of nature overrode my curiosity for a bit, but my options were limited in my attire. Now that I had taken care of business I explored my surrounding and noticed my options of dress. Either nothing or a white robe, as I gazed into the sky the moon teased me and I found myself unable to ignore my passion. I took a leap and felt a slight thrill as my arms transformed into wings. I didn't question anything, just enjoyed the sensation of freedom, something I had lacked for so long.

I flew until my exhaustion had me return to the simple cabin and I landed. My claws turned into feet and once again I was buck-naked. Then a hand tugged me inside. I turned and she stood in a simple dress with multiple colored dress. I admit, I've never had an issue with a beautiful woman inviting me with her eyes to her bed, but I held back. Something was different.

Her words rang in my mind. "Instead of taking, I'm giving back."

As I reached for her, her lips brushed my shoulder. I didn't ask any questions, instead allowing my instincts to guide my actions. Our lips touched and the kiss turned passionate. Candlelight glowed and I pushed her towards the bearskin rugs. Usually I allowed her to dictate the pace, but tonight I didn't ask. The kisses got a little rougher and even though she trembled slightly with each touch or stroke, each kiss getting longer, then her tongue tangled with my mine.

One moment I was totally enjoying the moment and then I rushed away to the window. I almost jumped when she draped the robe around my shoulders.

"I'm damaged aren't I?"

"Aren't we all? I see a strong young man, and you can't expect it to go away over night."

"It hasn't been overnight. You feel like some odd character from some old-time story."

"You remind me of someone I once cared about, your stance, your courage."

"You don't even know me."

"Maybe I know you too well, but our time grows short."

"What the hell is going on? One minute I'm human, then I'm a bird. How are you any better? What's your master plan...why in the hell am I stuck in this place? Where the hell am I!"

In my anger I shoved her back before I realized how inappropriate I was acting. The need to escape overwhelmed me, but before I could walk away, I felt her hand pulling me back. She kissed my shoulder and I faced her. I didn't think, I reacted. I pressed my lips to hers and I didn't worry about her feelings. But I hadn't counted on her matching me step by step. I guess I didn't feel the scratches, but allowed my need to be the driving force. I collapsed next to her and she slipped quietly in my arms. I inhaled her light scent and relished the opportunity to relax with a beautiful woman and not feel any burden's controlling my actions. "Who is he, the one you lost?"

She ignored my question.

"This feels like a rerun of the 'Sword in the Stone' but I'm not Arthur."

"Don't try to figure it out, let's just enjoy the moment. I don't want to think and just be...it's been so long...I just want to forget. Can't we just enjoy each other for the night? Please?"

I responded by kissing her lips and pulled her closer. Sometimes, you just had to ignore the consequences and follow your gut. I hadn't felt so strong in a very long time. We smiled at each other and I drifted off into dreamland feeling more normal that I had since I'd been captured. I refused to talk about what had happened but at least I could put it in the past.

The moonlight shone brightly through the window and I didn't even question the transformation. I screeched into the night and raced as fast as I could. I had expected I would change forms once I returned, but she held out her gloved hand and once again I landed on her arm.

"I wish we could have more time, but our time is running short. Dean believe me you matter. You're far more important than you'll ever understand. I made a big mistake once, I can't afford to give in again."

I screeched and squawked unable to say any words in this bird form.

"In time you'll understand and if I allowed our hearts to rule, the devastation would be unimaginable. In time, all will be revealed, but for now the secrets must be protected. Nourishment is more than food and sleep. Perhaps you are wondering why you're a Red-Tail Hawk. Characteristics include aggressive behavior, loyal and protective. Hawks have even taken on eagles, or larger prey and will fight until the death to protect the ones they love. Sound like anyone you know? Go, be free one last time, fly!"

Her arm flung up and as I soared up, my wings spread open and I flew away. Once again I gave into my instincts and a raspy screech filled the air. Another screech echoed above me and I prepared for battle. An eagle hovered, waiting for me to take the initiative. For awhile we flew side by side, finally exhausted I landed not realizing that I once again stood on the same cliff and almost stumbled to ground from the weakness in my legs, but strong arms easily caught me. As my energy drained out of my body, I once again found myself cradled in Jim's arms.

"Let's get you back, I'm not sure, but I might miss being able to fly anywhere in a heartbeat. Relax Dean, only two more trials left. Hopefully they'll be easier than the first two."

* * *

**A/N: **I've had two competition since the last time I posted. My students did great but I've been a bit tired. Found a way to cheat so I could publish this chapter tonight. Don't you just love Google?

This chapter took a direction of its own...I never thought it would go in this direction but sometimes the muse has a mind of its own. At first the trails were much shorter but only two more left. The next one is with dear old dad.

Feeling a little down so I gave myself a gift and posted this chapter. I hope you enjoyed it and if you want to return the favor, leave me a review. I'm interested in hearing how you felt about it. If it's negative, just say it nicely. Egos can be easily bruised. Thanks for reading! I mean it.


	29. Sacrifice

_Chap. 29 – Sacrifice_

_**Then**_

_Her arm flung up and as I soared up, my wings spread open and I flew away. Once again I gave into my instincts and a raspy screech filled the air. Another screech echoed above me and I prepared for battle. An eagle hovered, waiting for me to take the initiative. For awhile we flew side by side, finally exhausted I landed not realizing that I once again stood on the same cliff and almost stumbled to ground from the weakness in my legs, but strong arms easily caught me. As my energy drained out of my body, I once again found myself cradled in Jim's arms._

_"Let's get you back, I'm not sure, but I might miss being able to fly anywhere in a heartbeat. Relax Dean, only two more trials left. Hopefully they'll be easier than the first two."_

* * *

Now:

Just like Caleb, once Jim and I returned to the circle, he almost collapsed and Dad barely managed to save me from hitting the ground. I hated my helplessness, unable to move and being passed around like a rag doll. I just wanted to yell, "Get this over with already." And I guess someone heard me because soon Bobby started chanting, and the circle disappeared.

One difference, this time several men surrounded us. A few struck Dad hard on his back and knees and I fell and slightly rolled to the ground. One large brute picked me up and slung me over his shoulder. I managed to stifle my grunt when his shoulder painfully punched my stomach. I couldn't see my Dad in action but I knew without a doubt he fought with everything he possessed attempting to get the upper hand. I slightly freaked out when I heard him go silent. I had one last thought as a fog settled over my mind, _I can't believe that after all of this, instead of being cured, I'm a damn prisoner once again. Worse I've trapped Dad into this nightmare. _

I lost track of time, but when I regained my senses, I realized I was dressed in a dark brown ugly shorts. I had a sharp retort prepared but once I saw Dad hanging from chains with his feet barely above the ground all snarky replies left the building. Evidently, the same fashion designer had made us a matching pair of shorts.

"Dad, wake up." I struggled in vain to rush to his aid.

Nothing, not a single sound as my Dad swung by his arms. A huge goon entered and laughed.

"Leave him alone." I really wished I could smash my fist into his large bald head.

"Boy, I doubt you'll entertain me for long, but let's get the show on the road, shall we?" He clapped his hands and several servant girls entered carrying large brown wooden buckets. I wished I could say I got up and but I couldn't even wiggle my toes.

The girls maneuvered me unto my side with my back resting against a huge boulder. Then they started pouring sand over my legs and hips.

"What the hell...are you insane?"

"Keep it up and I'll put a muzzle on you. Besides deep down, you'll enjoy it. You have some deep pent-up rage about some of the things he's done over the years. You bury it instead of ever challenging him on it, but today you'll get payback and the sweet part, you won't have to lift a finger. Enjoy the show. Twenty lashes."

Dad woke up after the first strike. "NO! Stop...please. You're wrong. I don't want this. I don't."

They ignored me and I cussed them out but Dad didn't give them the satisfaction of yelling. Dad somehow managed to only let a few moans escape his lips and then he looked at me. He kept eye contact the entire time and pretended it didn't bother him in the least. At that moment, I wish I could have torn them apart with my bare hands but could only watch as my tears fell freely down my cheeks. One of the servant girls placed a thin goblet next to my cheek and collect my tears. I disregarded her actions and yelled until I was hoarse. The ugly brute came close and continued to taunt my dad.

"A sacrifice must be paid or your son will die. Is the price worth it to save your firstborn? Or would you rather I kill him now?"

Before I could even comprehend his actions, a sharp blade nicked my throat. I never felt so helpless in that exact moment. I tried to say, "Don't do it, Don't give into his demands but his arm snaked around my neck choking off any of my words and my lungs demanded air.

"You bastard, leave him alone." My dad struggled to break free but his shackles held firm as I struggled for air. "Tell me what do you want? Don't you dare harm him, or I'll swear I'll kill you."

"Fine, if you cooperate with us, he will live and you won't even have to suffer that much. Just give us three of your memories. See Dean, we're not asking for much."

"Quit you're bellyaching and just do it. But if you harm my son, I promise someday I'll make you pay."

The brute laughed as he released me, "I admire your grit. It's relatively easy. I'll ask you a question and you'll just think about the answer and presto on a large screen we'll watch the memory live just before I take it from you. I'll even allow you to explain your actions if you like before I take them. But you must give them up willingly or your son dies. No talking from the peanut gallery."

"No, Dad don't do it." I manage one thought before my voice fell silent. Despite my best efforts, dad remained mute but his eyes spoke volumes ordering me to accept the consequences. I tried to reach him, beg him to not obey, but he refused further eye contact ending any opportunity to dissuade him from his reckless actions. Effectively gagged unable to express any other thoughts, so helplessly I watched.

"Fine let's begin, shall we? Think about the first time you held your first-born son. Don't hold back as it will only hurt you more. Dean will witness your thoughts and images but he will also feel your emotions. So trying to lie will only harm you and will do nothing to protect your son. Are we clear about the ground rules?"

"If you harm my son, I swear I will kill you. Now quit your yacking and let's get this show on the road."

"As you wish."

_Not another sound but soon I saw images in front of me. Unlike the movies, my mom wasn't screaming or even making loud panting noises. Just inhaling deep breaths, and my Dad holding her hand. _

"_Hey, I know you can squeeze harder than that."_

I watched my dad flinched as she must have complied but he never let on. I felt how much he loved her, how much he adored her and something else, fear. Fear of failure, as he hadn't had the best role model since his father had abandoned him as a little boy. But he also was determined to not follow in his father's footsteps. He would conquer the obstacles thrown his way and learn how to be the best dad ever. As long as he had Mary by his side, he really thought he could deliverer on his promise. I felt dad's embarrassment and pain about not being able to hide his emotions.

It overwhelmed me, the absolute joy radiating from my parents as my dad held me for the first time. His smile, totally contagious, and I just enjoyed the moment. I glanced over at my dad and he smiled at me even though the pain from being strung up had to hurt like crazy.

"Remember this Dean, when times get tough, you father loves you more than he could ever express but you have witnessed it first hand. He hasn't been the best of dad's now has he?"

The hurt on my dad's face had me screaming _"you son of a bitch, Dad don't believe them, I've always known...I never needed any proof," _but not a sound escaped my lips and our connection disappeared. I watched dad retreat inside of himself and his tears flowed freely down his checks. Two woman surrounded my dad and used a vial to collect his tears. Just when I thought my dad couldn't be disgraced anymore, one of the woman tugged his chin to the side and pulled his face towards her mouth. They kissed and when she walked away, my dad appeared numb. The image turned into a gas form and the animal collected it in a vial and closed it up with a cork.

"Dean, it's for the best, we don't need his current emotions contaminating his next two memories. He hasn't been harmed and he'll live without these three memories. You'll be the only one to know what he's sacrificed for you."

For a moment I got my voice back, "Why are you doing this? I don't need his memories, just let me die," How could I make this monster understand? "I'll kill you, somehow I swear I will make you pay for what you've done to him. I didn't ask for this."

"No, you didn't and my boy, you're more than welcome to attempt to follow through on your threat, but since you can't move even one finger, I doubt you'll ever make good on your threat. Let's get this show on the road shall we, I know your father needs some attention to his wounds and that can't happen until we've finished with this trial." He clapped his hands together and directed his next question at my father.

Once again I could only observed the situation. But I promised that I would retaliate somehow and I had plenty of time to figure out the perfect form of payback.

"John Winchester remember when you deliberately used little Dean as bait and forced him to wear a cast to fake having a broken leg?"

_As before I saw my dad carrying me into the motel. I had a cast on my left leg but it covered my knee and part of my thigh. I think I was about six or seven years old. Dad didn't talk until he carried me inside and he carefully laid me on the bed._

"_Okay squirt, remember you're supposed to be dependent and require lots of attention. This monster attack certain types of kids, the criteria ones that are over indulged and pampered way beyond normal bounds. So for the rest of this hunt, I won't treat you as if you're capable of doing much. Hence the reason for the fake cast. Expect me to pick you up and carry you a lot. Guess the plus side for having the uncomfortable job of wearing a cast, you'll get to eat your favorite meals, luckily for me you're not that expensive to spoil. So what do you want cheeseburger or pizza?_

"_Cheeseburger, so I can stay up really late? Can I watch a movie?"_

"_Maybe,"_

"_Sammy will be okay, right?"_

"_He's fine, Pastor Jim is looking after him, remember. He's probably trying to milk it for all its worth, that he's all alone and I bet Jim is spoiling him as we speak."_

_Dad got me a milkshake, but I didn't see him slipping something into my drink and after a short time I fell asleep on the couch sooner than normal. He placed a charm over my head and carried me to bed. He had already convinced me that I would be more comfortable in my PJ's even though I hadn't really wanted to wear them. _

_I remember him explaining that I needed to fit the part so new clothes were bought. But most of it wasn't something I liked. I had settled on the Star Wars PJ's over the transformers. I didn't like cartoon PJ's but he told me these kids were spoiled and his research confirmed that was the expected attire for me to wear. Once the assignment was done, I could return to my usual dress. Although he did expect me to wear some until they wore them out as he couldn't afford to shop at the mall on a regular basis. Luckily for him I didn't like those clothes much anyway._

_But the hunt had lasted so much longer than expected. Instead of a day or two it turned into a few weeks. I called Sammy checking up on him but he was happy. No other victims had died so I felt that was a good sign. Although I enjoyed the special treatment, I resented being carried everywhere. I couldn't complain since it might stop the monster from choosing me as his next victim. But one emotion didn't make any sense, why did Dad feel embarrassed about the hunt?_

"Tell him the truth, what secrets have you kept from him all these years?"

Dad refused to look me in the eye and nothing made sense at first.

"What you never knew, I killed that monster on the second night. You slept through the entire process and I cleaned up the evidence. I realized you were growing up and soon I would have to depend on you and coddling you wouldn't be appropriate if I wanted you to take care of Sam. But I also had forgotten how much fun it was to just be a normal father and not have to worry about keeping you safe. Of course it didn't hurt that you charmed everyone you met and I enjoyed spoiling you." My dad looked down before he continued, "Everyone liked you and you got a lot of free stuff. I had a few that thought I shouldn't baby you so much, but you endured being pampered, and I wouldn't allow you to use your crutches at all. I carried you everywhere and not once did you complain. I didn't tell you how proud of you I am. I should have, I should have said it more often."

"Why did you lie to me? You kept telling me that you hadn't gotten a hit on the monster and that I needed to play bait just a bit longer? Why, dad...why not tell me the truth?"

"Sammy hasn't been the only one to wish for a normal life." He looked away but not before I spotted his tears. I called Jim to check up on Sammy and it hit me, that things would have to change. I wouldn't be able to give you a normal childhood, so I convinced myself that a few weeks would make up for all the shitty things I had done to you over the years. I know I'm a terrible father."

Then he turned back and our eyes met, "I just wanted to pretend you were little and I thought you needed it too. So I lied until you started to get really miserable because you missed your brother so much. That night I once again gave you a little something so you would sleep soundly and made it appear as if I caught the monster red-handed. I woke you up and carried you one last time. I knew from here on out I would need to prepare you for the hardships to come. Luckily for me you never rebelled liked Sammy. It was so easy to get you back in line. I'm sorry Dean."

Just like before, a woman forced my dad to kiss her and the memory turned into a gas and collected into a glass vial and a cork made sure it couldn't disappear.

"Just one last memory and then, well perhaps I'll let you two leave. You can't say you haven't provided me with some mighty amusing entertainment. Although Dean, I wonder how you will handle this last little tidbit of information."

For one brief moment I regained my voice, "Dad fight him, don't surrender any more memories, I'll find a way to kill you, I will." My mixed emotions really had me in a turmoil but I couldn't let Dad be punished anymore and I would need time to process what I had discovered.

"Such passion, but will Dean continue to love you John once he knows the truth you've hidden from him. The secrets you keep, to keep him safe, but will love be enough or will you lose both sons due to all the things you have done in the name of love. What is love John? Do you really understand unconditional love and will Dean love you despite your actions?

_**A/N:**__ Felt this chapter needed a break due to the length it turned out to be._

* * *

_I looked up nicknames for John to call Dean when he was a tyke that he might still use later and Ace seems to be the winner. _

Lil' Man, Bud, Kiddo, Ace, Tiger, Tyke, Sport, Squirt. (A list I found)

_I also need a name for Caleb to call Dean and it needs to refer to the number two or twin. In searching for names the only one I liked was Deuce. Funny how often I found the name Deuce. So although I know that other authors use some of these nicknames, I finally decided I would just use what I liked unless someone has a suggestion that I like better. In trying to discover new pet names I found instead the main list used by different authors. So I'm going with the tried and true idea, I only steal from the best. I am open to ideas if you have any better nicknames. Lol._

Dean will be calling Caleb - Cab as I wanted to stick to his character of shorting a name. I think I like that better than Cal. What do you think?

Caleb's background will not match the Brotherhood's AU at all and if you haven't read them I'll say go give them a shot if you like AU's. **Ridley C. James **is in my favorite Author's List so you can easily find her stories if you so desire. But her template for Caleb doesn't match mine and I just want to make that clear. This is not a Brotherhood AU. Caleb's description most likely won't match the show's but I did find a picture of Jensen's friend Jason Mann's that I liked. I picture Caleb with fine hair and most likely since it will recede he might shave his head on a dare and keeps it? Not sure. Just thinking out loud.

I'm open to ideas but if I can't find one I like...I'll being using these in the story and if I continue into a series it will really come into play later. I don't have anyone to bounce the ideas around, so I thought I would ask you, the readers, for input.

You don't have to read this last part it only explains why I haven't updated in a while and I guess I'm blowing off some steam.

_Sorry it's taken so long to update. I'm really depressed about my job right now, wishing I could afford to quit but I can't. Teaching student's isn't the problem, it's the administrators that give you all the grief and it's like they've forgotten how difficult it is to do your job. You give them what they want and they find something else to give you grief. I also hate bosses that don't get that really unhappy employee's means less productive. I've given so much time for free, and now I'm like screw it. It's just a job. I'm not in my twenties, so jumping ship after all the time I've put in, isn't a financial reality. _

_So I'm not in positive place and trying not to take it all out on poor sweet Dean. I'm trying to use writing to help me release the negative emotions, but right now I'm having trouble focusing on anything. I'm one of the few that meds makes it worse so that isn't an option I'm willing to take. I'm hoping I'll start writing more as it is more productive than what I have been doing. I'm totally aware that others have it so much worse than me, so I'm trying to be thankful but I'm sick of this cycle and can't seem to figure out a way out of it. I guess it's why I relate to Dean so much more than Sam._

_Please review and thanks for taking the time to read. I hope you'll continue._


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